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The difference with them is unlike the OP, the guys don't feel like they are wasting their time by having a friendship with the opposite sex and it is allowed to grow organically.
OP is bias to his own agenda. He claims what he wants is one thing but purposfully allows himself to become involved in the opposite of ways. He understands by being forth coming that it will limit his chances of getting what he wants so he attempts to play it along until he feels comfortable introducing his intentions and the other shows similar intentions
If it goes along and it doesn't work out this is the result.
He is allowing himself to be strung along by putting himself in a place to be strung along.
If all you want is to not waste people's time, start dating. Don't play the friendship roulette and come away a miserable mess becuase you feel like everything you did to get ahead was a total waste of your time.
You're right. I'll tell girls I want to !@*% them the moment I meet them for now on.
Honestly, some women just don't understand some of the hangups of dating someone outside of their race. I had it with an ex-girlfriend twice around this time last year. She came back a second time wanting to try, and I was nervous about it, but I liked her a lot so I tried it. She broke up with me again the day after Christmas. She mentioned that being out in public and feeling like people were staring at us made her uncomfortable. All I've ever done was date interracial, so it doesn't bother me at all. For her, I was the first black man she ever dated. At the end of the day, it was just too much pressure for her. We had some other issues in our relationship as well.
Now, she's happily married to a white man and expecting her first child in April. One thing I've been pretty good at is getting my ex's married. They'd break up with me and then quickly settle down with someone else. Maybe I showed them the error in their thinking that they could date me, and they went back to what always worked for them? Truly, I don't know. I just know that most women don't date interracially because of how they feel, but they ultimately don't do it because of how their family and friends will react to it. Like my ex, her Mom was heavily against it. That's obviously going to be an influence, since her mom was a big influence in her life.
I wouldn't beat yourself up over it OP. For some women, and men, just talking to a person is harmless. Even if you spend most of your day talking to them. In hindsight, the person feels like someone has their back, even if they know that they'd never date them or things would never work out. It tends to work in their favor if they're having a dating dry spell or just not much luck in the dating world period. As Chris Rock would say, "You were a d#ck in a glass case."
You're right. I'll tell girls I want to !@*% them the moment I meet them for now on.
You're such being difficult now. Although you'd probably have better luck doing that than what you're doing now.
What you do is tell them you want to take them out on a date the moment you meet them. Or very soon thereafter. Be patient about getting in their pants and get to know them as a person, sorta like you thought you were doing BUT making it clear from the outset that you are not looking for a female BFF.
OP,
I'm sitting here laughing because that sounds exactly like something I dealt with back in college.
On top of everything else, this girl asked me twice if I had a girlfriend.
Lean your lesson and don't do it anymore.
Single people so no other responsibilities in the world but themselves are a different beast than committed people guarding their relationships from outside sources of influence.
Even at that...not everyone has similar situations or needs so judging others based on your own perceptions of what "should be" wont help you get results you want.
You gotta follow your own beat and do what's best for you, not what you feel others want from or for you.
I certainly wasnt painting you out to be a bad guy, just pointing out where your own responsibility in the process was causing you problems.
Live and learn, it's all we can do.
Last edited by rego00123; 10-26-2015 at 12:37 PM..
You're such being difficult now. Although you'd probably have better luck doing that than what you're doing now.
What you do is tell them you want to take them out on a date the moment you meet them. Or very soon thereafter. Be patient about getting in their pants and get to know them as a person, sorta like you thought you were doing BUT making it clear from the outset that you are not looking for a female BFF.
Sorry lol....I can take constructive criticism. I just become defensive when people attack me and there's a lot of people in here doing that. But I do think you're right. I could've handled things a lot better. I waited too long to make my move. In the future, I'll be very certain to make my intentions more clear. Lessons are a part of life.
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