Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well, if I were the OP's friend, I would make it a point to spend time with him, and if the ex showed up uninvited, I would ask her to sit somewhere else so that I could spend time with my friend without her around making him uncomfortable.
But that's just me.
Where did the OP ever say his friend wasn't spending time with him? Is the friend supposed to spend ALL his time with the OP and make him his only friend?
And the ex is only showing up at group events where she seems to have been invited. Now maybe the OP's friend could focus on the OP at these events but he hasn't been given the chance to even do this because the OP refuses to go to them.
Where did the OP ever say his friend wasn't spending time with him? Is the friend supposed to spend ALL his time with the OP and make him his only friend?
And the ex is only showing up at group events where she seems to have been invited. Now maybe the OP's friend could focus on the OP at these events but he hasn't been given the chance to even do this because the OP refuses to go to them.
I'm not sure why this is so hard for you to understand.
The OP isn't going to these group events because he doesn't want to be around his ex.
A true friend would make time for him without the ex. I am talking about all of their collective friends as well, not just the roommate. Surely they all know the circumstances.
As a true friend, I would make it a point to tell my group, "Hey, let's meet up at such-and-such, without so-and-so, so we can all catch up."
If these friends can't or won't do that? They aren't his real friends.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
I'm not sure why this is so hard for you to understand.
The OP isn't going to these group events because he doesn't want to be around his ex.
A true friend would make time for him without the ex. I am talking about all of their collective friends as well, not just the roommate. Surely they all know the circumstances.
As a true friend, I would make it a point to tell my group, "Hey, let's meet up at such-and-such, without so-and-so, so we can all catch up."
If these friends can't or won't do that? They aren't his real friends.
/subthread
Did you not read that the OP says this friend DOES do things with him that don't include her?
And that he in fact spends MORE time with him than the ex?
Even if that wasn't the case, it is on the OP to schedule such things if they aren't occurring on their own. It isn't up to these other friends to read his mind and then schedule things just for him.
Your right I don't go to places she will be because it would be incredibly awkward for me and seeing her would make moving on so much more difficult.
I do spend a lot of time with that friend and we do a lot of things together/with other friends. That's why I'm not making him cutt off ties with my ex, in the end I can't control what he does or does not do.
Your right I don't go to places she will be because it would be incredibly awkward for me and seeing her would make moving on so much more difficult.
I do spend a lot of time with that friend and we do a lot of things together/with other friends. That's why I'm not making him cutt off ties with my ex, in the end I can't control what he does or does not do.
I think you need better friends. These folks that you spent time with obviously don't care that much for you if they won't bother to make an effort to see you without your ex around. Surely they know you are hurting.
When I got divorced, some of my "friends" picked sides and I never saw them again. Some friends split time between us. THOSE were the real friends, friends I still cherish today.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
A true friend would not be so passive as to wait for an invitation from the one guy they no longer see because of his ex always being around.
Oh horsehockey. Most adults are just that, adult enough to be able to hang around exes in groups without being all ___hurt about it.
If the OP can't deal with it, that isn't on his friends to either mind read him or kowtow to his issues. It isn't being a "true friend" or anything like that to coddle a freaking adult.
What the heck, I would never expect my friends to do any such thing. If I wanted a group activity or party without someone, I'd plan it. It would be insane to expect my friends to not invite someone to their event or activity because I was being a baby and I didn't want to see that person. That's on me, not on them.
I really am not great friends with the group I'm talking about, like I said it's pretty much that one roommate who is friends with her. He is a really close friend and not the others in that group, he knows I'm hurting and has specified that I have nothing to worry about in regards to him and my ex. He barely sees her but I know she will send him snap chats from time to time.
I have another good friend group which doesn't include my ex that I have been spending more time with. It's just that my closest friend is the one whose still friends with my ex, but he's out in 5 weeks for work so its temporary I guess.
I just can't wait until I don't have to have any reminders of her. I posted this because it was an unusual circumstance where I thought I was going to dinner until she signed up at the last moment and I stayed behind.
OP, it's time to pull up your big boy pants and be an adult. I see exes all the time, and guess what? We say hi, sometimes catch up on what's going on, and act like adults. One of my cousins, who has been married several times, hangs with his ex wives at family parties where sometimes 4 of them will show up.
Yes, you are hurt that it didn't work out, but you are making it worse by hiding away and altering your plans so as to not cross paths with her. You need to do what ever you normally would have done, and let her do whatever she wants to do. Even if it hurts, you can "fake it until you make it". Smile, say hi, and then focus on other people in the group. Eventually it will be no big deal.
Thanks for the responses. I've accepted that she can live her life however she wants without me. For now at least it's best if I don't see her but in time I'll be able to be around her, hopefully with another girl.
Also yay me I just got prescribed another drug that will make me even more sedated and I have to have nerve injections into the back of my head. It just keeps getting better haha
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
