Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I wouldn't care about the one night stands as long as she wasn't an outright **** about it. We all need to get some once in awhile. That I wouldn't hold against her.
I would be concerned about staying in unhealthy relationships, particularly if there is no reason to (kids). That punches the low self-esteem button hard for me, one of my biggest turn-offs. Man or woman, we like to think of our significant other as "having value". If they don't even see themselves as having any, why should I?
I can't speak for all women, but I will speak for myself.. I would'nt want to be with a guy who is secretly carrying a torch for someone else. If being with me is his way of moving on or getting over being dumped by the "love of his life" ~ I'd rather he just spare me the waste of time. I've been 'the one that got away' from a few guys. Many of them went on and got married/had kids- and still try to hold onto me or the hope that we'll somehow end up back together. That kinda sickens me.... I'd just hate to be in that girl's shoes.. (& I have ) With only half the heart of a man I'm loving fully. ~ I realize people often have no choice but to move on when love is lost or unrequited.. But letting go is the biggest part of that process. Anyway, that's just my 2cents...
I did not care about the 4-5 long term relationships she had after her divorce 20 years ago, but instead got a little riled up to hear about the handful of one night stands she had. Her on the other hand did not really care about my one night stands or other short term flings, but got riled up that I stayed in two long term relationships that were unhealthy.
Thoughts? Unique to my situation?
She got divorced 20 years ago? So even if she had a starter marriage in her 20s that didn't last very long, she's in her 40s. Assuming you are roughly the same age, you both sound pretty silly to me.
Also, I think you're in Unhealthy Relationship #3, and the fault isn't all hers.
The way I see it....their past has NOTHING to do with me.
Now what happens after we meet....and are now in a relationship...has EVERYTHING to do with us.
I am wife #4 for him. He is husband #2 for me. Both of our first marriages, we were pressured in to by family. His 2 & 3, chasing skirts. Apparently.
For me, I waited 10 years after my divorce to re-marry.
Men get upset over a partner's sexual connections/past and women get upset over the emotional bond a man may have had with someone else. Is that the distinction you're trying to make?
I've heard that before but I have no idea if it's true.
This is what I was trying to ask. Our relationship is the healthiest adult relationship either one of us has had. Just thought it was interesting to see what irked the other person more (and it wasn't that bad). We never got into the specifics of our past, just a general discussion so that we would not be surprised by anything in the future. We both have kids who are chatty and the kids brought a few things up that threw each of us a minor curveball. Nothing major and nothing that is a deal breaker for either one of us. Wanted to be prepared if one of our adult kids casually drops something about a past romantic partner again.
Asked another single friend of mine and he confirmed at least in his dating forays that he got squeamish hearing about past flings and his dates got jealous of his long term relationships.
this thread reminds me of the old joke. well, not really a joke since I think there is a good deal of truth to it.
It goes: to get an accurate number for how many past lovers a man or a woman has really had, whatever number the man says to his current s/o? Well, take that number and divide it in half.
And for what a woman says to her current s/o take her admitted number and double it.
I have had a HUGE issue with my GF's past...even though she claimed she didn't have a high number of partners (well lower double digits which for ppl in 30s is not big deal in a big city, but I was unable to rationalize for a looong time); she never cared to ask or never even remotely displayed any interest in knowing my past, aside maybe from knowing if I had done something really bad/unhealthy. But I put her through an absolute nightmare by asking questions, accusations, trying to make her feed my ego... I was ****ing pathetic. I was extremely lucky she was patient and loving enough to withstand that. It's not worth it. It's just overthinking. There is nothing else than now. It took me a year to repair the damage and propose to her...all because of irrelevant thoughts about things that don't exist anymore.
Look, we all hear things about our partner's past that we may not like. It bothers us and sometimes we do not know why. As a guy I can tell you that, barring the extremes, you can't let that get in the way. If you fret over the past too much it has a funny way of screwing up your present and your future. My advice, if you love her, and you two are in an honest open relationship, just talk it out with her. I guarantee you there is something, even if she won't admit it, that concerns her about your past. Get a bottle of wine, talk that **** though, hug it out, and love one another.
Men have a hard time accepting their womans promiscuous past. The less previous partners the better. Both men and women instictively know this, as evidenced by their replies when asked about the n count. With that said, if as a man you cant haandle the truth, perhaps you should leave past alone and let it be.
I have had a HUGE issue with my GF's past...even though she claimed she didn't have a high number of partners (well lower double digits which for ppl in 30s is not big deal in a big city, but I was unable to rationalize for a looong time); she never cared to ask or never even remotely displayed any interest in knowing my past, aside maybe from knowing if I had done something really bad/unhealthy. But I put her through an absolute nightmare by asking questions, accusations, trying to make her feed my ego... I was ****ing pathetic. I was extremely lucky she was patient and loving enough to withstand that. It's not worth it. It's just overthinking. There is nothing else than now. It took me a year to repair the damage and propose to her...all because of irrelevant thoughts about things that don't exist anymore.
The bottom line is is that you don't really need to know the exact number, what good is it really gonna do at the end of the day... you find out that she's got numbers that rival a working gal, what good is gonna come out of it.... more likely make things worse.....
I do think as someone mentioned that for men it's more of a physical thing and for women it's more of a spiritual connection with another woman that they might get jealous or bothered by....
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
