Men Vs. Women Views On The Past (2015, jealous, partner)
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One of the most difficult things in this is man's ego - he needs to know that the girl he cherishes was relatively hard to get, so he can take pride in getting her...The problem is ego is the opposite of love - so if you need somebody to satisfy you ego, you're not in love and it's perhaps not worth it..
I can't speak for all women, but I will speak for myself.. I would'nt want to be with a guy who is secretly carrying a torch for someone else. If being with me is his way of moving on or getting over being dumped by the "love of his life" ~ I'd rather he just spare me the waste of time. I've been 'the one that got away' from a few guys. Many of them went on and got married/had kids- and still try to hold onto me or the hope that we'll somehow end up back together. That kinda sickens me.... I'd just hate to be in that girl's shoes.. (& I have ) With only half the heart of a man I'm loving fully. ~ I realize people often have no choice but to move on when love is lost or unrequited.. But letting go is the biggest part of that process. Anyway, that's just my 2cents...
That makes sense, and I'd hate to be a man in that position. I know a guy who was in a relationship with a woman who was widowed when her husband died in an industrial accident, meaning she was entirely blind sided by it. It had been a decade, and she seemed to be together in a lot of ways, but she was far from over her former husband. She had tried to have one other relationship, but couldn't really be present.
In that sense I wouldn't want anyone to "try" to make it work with me. Whether there's someone they're not over or they feel the need to be in a relationship even if it's tepid, I don't want to be a part. It is distressing to think about, and describing it as sickening isn't a stretch.
That makes sense, and I'd hate to be a man in that position. I know a guy who was in a relationship with a woman who was widowed when her husband died in an industrial accident, meaning she was entirely blind sided by it. It had been a decade, and she seemed to be together in a lot of ways, but she was far from over her former husband. She had tried to have one other relationship, but couldn't really be present.
In that sense I wouldn't want anyone to "try" to make it work with me. Whether there's someone they're not over or they feel the need to be in a relationship even if it's tepid, I don't want to be a part. It is distressing to think about, and describing it as sickening isn't a stretch.
^Exactly. I find as I get older, the harder it is to find someone without an ex lurking around in their heart or elsewhere (myself included..) I'm not saying everyone is untrustworthy, but getting to that place where you're both on the same page can be tricky sometimes... So I definitely think communicating all that stuff with a partner openly & honestly is crucial when getting serious. Ya just gotta get real with yourself first.
^Exactly. I find as I get older, the harder it is to find someone without an ex lurking around in their heart or elsewhere (myself included..) I'm not saying everyone is untrustworthy, but getting to that place where you're both on the same page can be tricky sometimes... So I definitely think communicating all that stuff with a partner openly & honestly is crucial when getting serious. Ya just gotta get real with yourself first.
I agree. In this narrow sense I think we ought to talk about our pasts. At my age I'd expect someone to have had a deep love along the way, and I'd be curious whether that experience is a part of her in a healthy, adaptive way, or something that might be more of an emotional ghost.
It seems like men get a little more bent and hung up on it then women do.... from what I've seen.
This is true for a lot of men. Men who have had their share of one night stands don't care too much. Then again, some guys have double standards about one night stands. It all comes down to the individual. It seems to really bother the op', so maybe you could tell her that you don't want to talk about the past. Explain to her why. Tell her that right or wrong, it just bothers you. I'm sure she'll understand. If she's cruel, she might bring it up at times when she is mad, just to get a rise out of you.
Last edited by johnnyb1980; 10-30-2015 at 01:02 PM..
If you can't handle the answer, you should never ask the question. It's the past, she's currently with you. Now if she says that she cheats on all her partners, you may want to re-evaluate the relationship, but she didn't so chill.
If you can't handle the answer, you should never ask the question. It's the past, she's currently with you. Now if she says that she cheats on all her partners, you may want to re-evaluate the relationship, but she didn't so chill.
I agree, if you don't want the answer, don't ask. However, some people take it upon themselves to tell weather someone asked or not. I dated a girl like this when I was very young. her ex apparently hit her. I would always think, why would you be with a guy who hit you? At that time and at that age, It made for some small issues every now and then. She did smack me once, and it made me realize/ wonder if she wanted me to hit her back. Made me also think, was she ruined? Could she not have a "normal" relationship? Or did she think that I didn't love her if I wasn't willing to hit her? Everything is not always so black and white. My brother was abused by a women for two years. Nobody knew about it. Guys are less willing to tell, because they are embarrassed about it. She would slap him and throw things at him all the time. Then she started to punch him. He called it quits, when she pulled a knife on him. He never once went to the police. He was a manly man. He could have ended her with one punch, but we were not raised to hit women no matter what. Restrain, yes. Hit-no.
If you can't handle the answer, you should never ask the question. It's the past, she's currently with you. Now if she says that she cheats on all her partners, you may want to re-evaluate the relationship, but she didn't so chill.
This is what I believe, too.
I don't ask men their "number" and I don't tell them mine. What matters is the present.
I don't ask men their "number" and I don't tell them mine. What matters is the present.
I agree. I've never in my life asked someone about this, it's not really important to me at all. She's with me now and that's all that matters. I did have one woman volunteer this to me, not sure why. Maybe she thought I was going to bail or be shocked or something. At my age, I'd be an idiot to believe they don't have some sort of past. Again, I don't care. I do agree this seems to bother men more.
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