New Relationship Dilemmas: Guy overly compliments and wants to see me 24/7 (wife, marriage)
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How old are you two? Could it be that he doesn't have much dating experience? German dating customs were discussed briefly on the Europe forum once, and it was explained that German men generally don't do the approaching. Women are expected to do the approaching once the men give clear signals they're interested, though there are probably exceptions.
Some variation of what "funyman" suggested would be appropriate.
This is complete BS. I have been APPROACHED by half of my German coworkers, even some married ones and I did not send out ANY signals.
If you are a pretty woman and walk through the streets in Germany, you get whistled at, honked at and talked to.
How old are you two? Could it be that he doesn't have much dating experience? German dating customs were discussed briefly on the Europe forum once, and it was explained that German men generally don't do the approaching. Women are expected to do the approaching once the men give clear signals they're interested, though there are probably exceptions.
Some variation of what "funyman" suggested would be appropriate.
We are both 27. He's only had 2 serious relationships, but heck, I've only had one (but it was a 7 year relationship). I can bring it up to him and I'm sure he will understand. I just was trying to avoid an awkward conversation....
This is complete BS. I have been APPROACHED by half of my German coworkers, even some married ones and I did not send out ANY signals.
If you are a pretty woman and walk through the streets in Germany, you get whistled at, honked at and talked to.
Good to know. My niece lived in Germany for five years, and never got approached or any other type of attention, and never figured out what the problem was, or what to do about it. The only info any of us in the family have been able to get about this has been in a similar vein to what I said before: German men are passive, or something. All points of view are appreciated, though.
We are both 27. He's only had 2 serious relationships, but heck, I've only had one (but it was a 7 year relationship). I can bring it up to him and I'm sure he will understand. I just was trying to avoid an awkward conversation....
Doesn't have to be.
Just tell him you'll call him... ....( three days from that day )
If he calls you then tell him, "Dude! BACK OFF!! I told you I'd call but now you're making me not want to!" Lol!!!
Whether or not it's a cultural thing, you are uncomfortable with it so you do need to have the conversation. Don't allow being flattered by the attention to overlook what your gut is telling you.
I personally would be very uncomfortable with someone coming on that strong and would wonder why he had that much free time to want to be with me constantly. I don't want to be the centre of someone's world and fill a void for them.
Good to know. My niece lived in Germany for five years, and never got approached or any other type of attention, and never figured out what the problem was, or what to do about it. The only info any of us in the family have been able to get about this has been in a similar vein to what I said before: German men are passive, or something. All points of view are appreciated, though.
Impossible. Not trying to be mean, but how does she look like? And is she overweight?
I recently started to see someone and just after a few dates, two things are becoming worrisome and I wanted to get some opinions.
1. He overly compliments me. Now, don't get me wrong. Every girl wants to be complimented and he is incredibly sweet. But there comes a point where it gets to be excessive and it starts to be uncomfortable.
2. He wants to see me every day. I'm a very independent woman and I feel it's best to go a day or so without seeing someone when you are first getting to know them.
Now, is this just because this is a brand new relationship? Also, he is European...so I don't know if European men have a different view on relationships vs American men? But as far as him wanting to see me everyday, how can I tell him in a polite way that I need my own space?
I've dated Europeans and I don't see that type of behavior from them on the whole.
I've encountered a few overzealous men in the past and I've always had an adult conversation with them about it. One was all butt hurt and couldn't handle it, but the others said they just really liked me.
If he can't respect a reasonable request, he's probably not worth your time.
IMO you should tell him he's smothering you. That would send me running fast, so if I liked the guy I would give him the chance to correct course but you have to be honest and tell him his neediness and St. Bernard puppy behavior is turning you off (it will very soon if it hasn't already).
Thanks all for the advice! I told him how we needed our own space and he didn't get upset and apologized if he made me feel uncomfortable. He said he would respect my wishes so we will see what happens. But I'm glad the conversation went as well as it did.
As far as the compliments, I think that will get better with time. He knows I was in an abusive relationship where I was never complimented so he may be trying to make up for my past.
So...he was successful at giving me my space but there were major red flags in other areas. Let's count them.
1. He wanted to be my boyfriend after a week of knowing each other.
2. He said "I LOVE YOU" (WTF) only after knowing each other for 10 days.
3. He was extremely cheap to the point it was disturbing. Let me explain. So apparently in Germany (and in Europe) it is normal for men and women to split the costs on dates and everything else. Well, he expected that from me here. Never in my life have I had to pay for one date nor has any man asked me to pay for a date. When I told him that it is not normal in America for women to pay, he seemed very uncomfortable with this. Now, understand this everyone. He is an engineer. His company pays for his housing and car. He is not poor. It's not like I'm asking to go out every night but he literally would not want to take me out to dinner or do ANYTHING and find reasons to do things for free...like walk in the park or go to the mall to walk around. Just thinking about this makes me speechless.
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