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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
You know, guys, it really is difficult to date in the US if you aren't born here.
I just learned right now that the person who asks pays.
So far I thought the man usually pays on the first date.
You almost need a manual to do it right.
It actually isn't something I thought was complex until recently since I've gone on several dates with an Israeli. She has all these questions on protocol. I actually thought she was toying with me initially. But stuff like "would you be offended if I offered to pay"... "is it alright for me to ask if you'll go to ______ with me" and general I don't know how to do this stuff... It seems like she's never dated, but she has a lot, just not here.
You know, guys, it really is difficult to date in the US if you aren't born here.
I just learned right now that the person who asks pays.
So far I thought the man usually pays on the first date.
You almost need a manual to do it right.
It's in a state of flux, that's why it's so confusing. There are men out there who will pay even if the woman asks about going to dinner. There are couples who will split the bill if the woman says spontaneously, "hey, want to go to ______ to grab some lunch?" There are guys who are put off by a woman who offers to pay her share. Some of the guys here have said they regard it as a friend-zoning gesture if the woman offers or insists on paying her way.
It's all over the place. There are no hard-and-fast rules.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
It's in a state of flux, that's why it's so confusing. There are men out there who will pay even if the woman asks about going to dinner. There are couples who will split the bill if the woman says spontaneously, "hey, want to go to ______ to grab some lunch?" There are guys who are put off by a woman who offers to pay her share. Some of the guys here have said they regard it as a friend-zoning gesture if the woman offers or insists on paying her way.
It's all over the place. There are no hard-and-fast rules.
I've only seen that as it relates to a first date.
I've only seen that as it relates to a first date.
Yes, true. But why should that be? It just goes to show how unpredictable it all is. Some men say they want women to pay their way, but then when women do, they may get dumped. It's a highly individual thing these days. Different people prefer different things.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Yes, true. But why should that be?
Should? I don't know about "should". I care about what is, and my experience (personal experience) is woman insisting on splitting half of the first date meant there was no second date. This was true from my early 20s to currently.
Offering is something else, and is more nuanced.
Most species do their little mating dance / rituals, this is just part of our great ape one.
Yes, there are from time to time exceptions, but they are just that, exceptions. We do have a cultural dynamic and norms, and yes, they do vary between cultures. I've found little variation in regions, however, but that might be urban related.
Should? I don't know about "should". I care about what is, and my experience (personal experience) is woman insisting on splitting half of the first date meant there was no second date. This was true from my early 20s to currently. .
LOL @ a guy dumping a girl because she wants to pay half on the first date.
This is an interesting point. Americans enjoy dining out as a form of entertainment; trying different cuisines, comparing different chefs, the whole ambiance of the restaurant. Maybe this isn't so much of a thing in Germany. I bet it's different in France.
The cultural differences are interesting, moreso because these dates took place in the US, not Germany, so how was the OP supposed to know that she was dating German-style?
The issue of who pays aside, what guy, one you've just met, takes you to a jewelry store to look at engagement rings??
I have once asked a guy for a during the day coffee date and he answered "ouch" because day dates are friendzone dates??
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