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Exactly. I have hobbies I enjoy but I can only kill so much time with them before I start to get bored with them. They lose their enjoyment after awhile if the reason I am devoting so much time to them is because I have no one else, be it friends or a romantic interest, to be spending my time with. It leads to feeling like you're in a rut. I try to shake up and explore new hobbies when I feel I'm in a rut, with an emphasis on finding things that will put me on the path to meeting new people, but when that boredom starts to settle in, the motivation to do anything seems to drop.
I can't even imagine what you've been through, but I do think, going off a lot of what ohio_peasant said, that you need to enjoy your own pursuits for the sake of them and what they do for you, not just as a way to kill time.
To work on a car, paint a picture, write a short story, or whatever one's hobby is, is something you should do as a passion, not just to kill the loneliness.
I think if people started looking at loneliness as more of solitude, they would enjoy it more.
You are not a unicorn. You are just a geeky guy who has trouble relating to women (which happens to be your main problem- well, that and your desperation).
Who the hell do you think you are?? You come on this forum and attack every one, I've following your posts and you drip just drip with negativity, everyone with a brain can see it, you made some stupid comment to me about bread... LOL,, jeez
The OP started his thread as to what do single guys do in their free time (in a city that isn't really "happenin'"). That is fair enough. Then later we give him dating advice. Which is he seeking?
If you are 47, even a catch, but only date under 40, childless, and in shape, that is a problem. But you already know that. Do you date all races/ethnicities? Maybe date character/common goals first then see if you are attracted physically. (I appreciate though men fall in love first through the eyes. Just suggesting a new tactic). I like tall guys but date all sizes. I've clicked with short men and fell for one. I never know who is going to do it for me until I get to know them more.
As far as making friends, do you make the first move? I meet ppl constantly but one of us has to offer to meet up for lunch, the game, etc. I assume everyone is taken/busy if they dont suggest an outing but I know I have to not assume that and make offers.
I'm surprised you didnt meet ppl in Improv. I started that late in life and had like 20-40 instant "friends" with tons of invites all the time. Quality people too.
Make a point of being friends with everyone, including women. Too many like to be friends/SOs only with people "like them". You are missing out if you arent branching out.
Sorry to be so harsh, but your posts are full of excuses on why you can't get women and how full of yourself you are and how you deserve a younger, hot woman.
The problem is you, not your location. Your supposed "unicorn" qualifications just make you a normal guy. The fact that you think this makes you extraordinary would explain one of the reasons why people don't want to get to know you.
^^^ It's times like these (and posts like these)
That make me think of how this would go IRL if we all had a meetup, lol
Oh, the drama......
There's not enough popcorn in the world for that...
Quote:
Originally Posted by magpiehere
I'm surprised you didnt meet ppl in Improv. I started that late in life and had like 20-40 instant "friends" with tons of invites all the time. Quality people too.
I'm not. The most we've had in my class is 12; we average 5. The average age in my class is easily 40-something and I am quite possibly the only single one, other than the gal who is still in HS.
It might be different next year when they change the structure as this was the first year for doing it so it was kind of a trial in a way. But what's big in one area is not necessarily going to catch on somewhere else.
I pulled back from dating much a few months back wasn't finding what I am looking for.........................I hang out with my close family I like, I made some new friends through a church/volunteer program, and went back to doing the hobbies/activities I have always enjoyed doing on my own. I am still talking to a few women but I am pretty selective about whom I spend my time with these days.
OP I have read a fair amount of your posts of the last few years and I think you need to consider importing or having Life B in another metro within a few hours maybe even Dallas where there is a lot more to do. Maybe you treat OKC as nothing more than business and you go have fun 2 weekends out of 4 in Dallas or somewhere less sleepy. You make it a pattern and you have 2 lives people begin to know you in Dallas and maybe you then realize I should have moved here anyway. Dallas was just an example BTW could be anywhere where you could get away for 2 out of 4 weekends while stuck there affordably.
I can't even imagine what you've been through, but I do think, going off a lot of what ohio_peasant said, that you need to enjoy your own pursuits for the sake of them and what they do for you, not just as a way to kill time.
To work on a car, paint a picture, write a short story, or whatever one's hobby is, is something you should do as a passion, not just to kill the loneliness.
I think if people started looking at loneliness as more of solitude, they would enjoy it more.
And I do enjoy them. I went on a road trip over Memorial Day weekend during a time when I was perfectly content to do things alone-and was enjoying it. It was a scavenger hunt of sorts to find and photograph landmarks along the Lewis and Clark Trail. Most of the day was great, but the closer I got to returning home, the more I simply wanted to turn around and drive the opposite direction away from my (sort of) empty house (I rent out two rooms and I have two dogs so it's rarely ever truly empty). Something snapped and I realized while I am perfectly capable of enjoying time to myself and using that time to do things others may not necessarily want to join me for, I had gotten to the point of being tired of doing EVERYTHING alone, which is how it felt at the time. Taking my dream vacation alone last year was actually detrimental to me in this respect as well.
I'm starting to volunteer more again for different organizations as I've found helping others is what I'm most passionate about. I'm also taking the advice of a friend and seeking out events I wouldn't normally attend as a way to broaden my horizons. And I've incorporated others into my hobbies as well, for example, starting a book club called "Novels and Nachos" where we mostly sit around eating nachos with some discussion of the book. These things have helped me to regain my balance.
Sorry to be so harsh, but your posts are full of excuses on why you can't get women and how full of yourself you are and how you deserve a younger, hot woman.
The problem is you, not your location. Your supposed "unicorn" qualifications just make you a normal guy. The fact that you think this makes you extraordinary would explain one of the reasons why people don't want to get to know you.
You don't know me. If anything I'm way too humble. But when people here ask what I have to offer, I'll tell them. Its actually a good exercise to remind myself because I tend to not give myself enough credit. I think I said I'm a unicorn in my current location, certainly not in a big city. Whatever, I don't walk around thinking this anyway. I'm also not looking for the hottest woman. I tend to go for down to earth, girl next door types who have some natural beauty, but certainly not the hottest by any means.
The reason I want younger is I want kids. I've dated women 10+ years younger fairly recently, so it can be done. Its just hard to find what I want where I live now. I did date someone for a year who was 10 years younger. That ended about a year ago. Had she been the right one, I would have had kids with her.
I'll be honest, I know zero great guys in their 40s that want a relationship but are not in one. I assume they get snatched up as soon as they are single again (or before).
Is self-sabotage a possibility? Even unconsciously? You think you want to be in one but not really? Perhaps your marriage has you so fearful? Why did your first one fail? Did you pick a bad one or all was well then she suddenly changed and left you? (If you really gave your heart 100% and it ended, of course that is difficult to get through)
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These things have helped me to regain my balance.
