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When I was in my early 20s, and bereft of a female companion, I took up (or actually restarted) a hobby of building/restoring model cars. Between that, and working full time, it pretty much took up my time for lack of a woman in my life. Most of my friends were married, had kids in their late teens/early twenties. I didn't begin dating until about 25; I became a father at 27, when my daughter was born. Anyway, I did notice the rift growing between my friends and me, after they married and I remained single. After my daughter was born, I myself kind of abandoned the "single" activities for a time. Her mother and I never married, but it still was like husband and wife.
This is a question for men who have either been divorced or never married, are in their 40's, and not in a relationship. When you're single and in between relationships, how do you spend your free time? A buddy of mine and I have had this conversation because he says he's bored. He's 40 and in a relationship, successful, but doesn't have a lot of hobbies. I'm in a similar boat, but not in a relationship (though I'd much rather be in one). My weekends are spent reading, watching football (thank God for football), working out, and not much else. My friends are all married and I live in a city I can't stand. I'm really bored with my life and completely unfulfilled. Guys, if you're in your 40's and not in a relationship, are you happy with your life? Assuming you also don't have kids (i don't and neither does my buddy), how do you spend your free time? I'm not a workaholic and when I'm not working I'm completely bored. I hate going to bars alone, don't like to just sit around and watch tv all the time (can only watch so much Netflix), don't enjoy traveling alone, and just feel like I have no life. I just really had different expectations for my life (marriage and kids), but it is what it is, and I've got to figure out how to make the best of it. I imagine there's not many men in this situation, but if there are, how do you spend your free time?
How about pool? At one point I joined a pool league, and it was a great social scene. And, honestly, I spent a lot of time at the bar/pool hall practicing so I could get up to speed.
Last edited by troymclure; 10-30-2015 at 09:03 PM..
When I was in my early 20s, and bereft of a female companion, I took up (or actually restarted) a hobby of building/restoring model cars. Between that, and working full time, it pretty much took up my time for lack of a woman in my life. Most of my friends were married, had kids in their late teens/early twenties. I didn't begin dating until about 25; I became a father at 27, when my daughter was born. Anyway, I did notice the rift growing between my friends and me, after they married and I remained single. After my daughter was born, I myself kind of abandoned the "single" activities for a time. Her mother and I never married, but it still was like husband and wife.
The shift is hard. I listen to it with a 25 year old female coworker of mine. The pressure is like she's carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders being 25, finishing up her undergrad, still living at home, still trying to carve out her career path, and on top of all of that, trying to date and find a potential partner. At times she feels so defeated and sad. She's an attractive woman, but she has a little bit of that bro talk in her, since she's big into cross-fit and tends to hang out with that crowd a bit.
Her female friends have slowly been getting married and having kids, so she feels like she's on the outside at times too. She knows it's just the stage of life she's in, and this too shall pass.... Yes sir.
The shift is hard. I listen to it with a 25 year old female coworker of mine. The pressure is like she's carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders being 25, finishing up her undergrad, still living at home, still trying to carve out her career path, and on top of all of that, trying to date and find a potential partner. At times she feels so defeated and sad. She's an attractive woman, but she has a little bit of that bro talk in her, since she's big into cross-fit and tends to hang out with that crowd a bit.
Her female friends have slowly been getting married and having kids, so she feels like she's on the outside at times too. She knows it's just the stage of life she's in, and this too shall pass.... Yes sir.
Yeah, I was there at 25 too, but 25 is way different than 45. I mean, I've pretty much missed it and sit here with regrets. No family and very few friends. Just alone. At least she has time on her side.
I didn't even read the OP, but I did read this response. I'm going to a wedding tomorrow of my best friend, who's the last friend of my group, besides myself, to be married. I asked his soon to be wife if I could bring a plus one to the wedding and she said that she was keeping it to close friends and family. Everyone else in the wedding is already married, so it's a no brainer that they are bringing their plus one. At the time, I had only been seeing my girlfriend for about a month.
That right there just proves that single people get ostracized and I don't say that to be negative either. When people are in a relationship for a period of time, they tend to spend their time with people that share similar situations as themselves. It's what helps in keeping the drama to a dull roar.
I'm not saying this to make anyone rush into being in a relationship, because being single does have its perks. I was single for the better part of 6 years, and it's an adjustment for me to be domesticated in a sense. Just chilling out with my girlfriend, and not doing much, is better than me running around all the time to put myself in more and more situations to potentially meet single women. It became tiring, on top of online dating as well. In the end, I can relax a little bit more and I'm a bit more happier by myself as well.
It's just how things go when people venture off into relationships. It's just a part of life. As we grow and evolve, we continue to stick friendships out with people that are the most like us.
This may be the case in many groups, but I always make sure my wife wouldn't pull that kind of thing with single friends (not that she would). I just can't understand that mentality unless you were the group drunk that brought the local strip joint girls to unclass the party.
Let me guess, you're not shy and are very outgoing, right? I don't meet women at the gym, grocery store, yoga class, bars, coffee shops, etc. Doesn't happen. Never has.
Everyone has shyness....everyone, I've never met someone who didn't have some sort of insecurity. I just participated in activities that I was very confident in. At least in the beginning...then I worked myself into trying things I was awkward at. That really got me to relax and laugh at myself...it was fun and it actually gave me skills that seemed to always help me in the dating world...yup I went to Salsa lessons and even though I was horrible and it, eventually I got good enough to surprise people. Those painfully embarrassing evenings gave me the skill not every guy has. I'm all about being fully armed when I actively dating. Any little bit knowledge or talent that can separate yourself from others is a good thing. Stop psyching your self into believing that cold approaching women in grocery stores is the only way....that will come later after you graduate from the activity classes.
Another thing, I'm not sure how many times guys have been rejected before they start to have self doubt. I've personally have gone on an easy 100 crappy dates and have been rejected dozens of times...that shat happens...but if something is important, I would work on my techniques to maximize my success rate for myself.
Btw I'm not super hot, with the big time corporate career, super lean with 6 pack who drives a Ferarri. Nope I'm actually 5'8" with average body who owns a business and drive an Audi S5...instead of focusing on my shortcomings I focused on my strongest qualities. So I've had ltr's with 6' blondes who never even cared about my height. It's why I chuckle when I hear guys say they are too this or that it's all in your mind. Can't let things that you cannot control to rule the way you live life.
My weekends are spent reading, watching football (thank God for football), working out, and not much else. My friends are all married and I live in a city I can't stand. I'm really bored with my life and completely unfulfilled.
Guys, if you're in your 40's and not in a relationship, are you happy with your life?
don't enjoy traveling alone, and just feel like I have no life.
how do you spend your free time?
Atlguy39,
my wish for you, is that you steady the course, change a few things up.
You can wear a little path between work and home, spend a lot of time at home, and then you conclude your life sucks and you're unhappy. In the short run, I recommend:
keep up the dance class instruction. Actually TALK to your classmates, its a somewhat relaxed environment, you might make a new friend? If you normally go to the gym after work, go in the morning, or vice-versa. Or if your gym is a chain, go to another location, and don't wear headphones, so you can at least say hi or thanks to people. Try Crossfit or outdoor classes.
less TV. TV gets you nothing. If you love football, at least watch your games in a sportsbar. If you like to read, join a book club so you can at least cross-pollinate with discussions with other people reading the same thing.
You may hate your city, but will moving magically solve your problems? My buddy just moved to Dallas, but he moved to a quiet suburb that closes up shop after dark. I made him take me to DT Dallas when I visited, because suburbia was for the smug marrieds to me. I'm just saying you can still FIND a way to be lonely, even in a big city - you have to cultivate the urge to find your kind of people. MOVE if you think that's the answer, but you should give your current city a fair shake, since you're already there and you say moving is so hard (job xfer required)...
Hobbies is an intense personal thing. I have (too many), and they change over the years. Try something new. Buy a bicycle if you dont have one, try swimming or horses or tennis or whatever, as long as the entry-costs are reasonable. Or whatever tickles your fancy.
I am for the record, very satisified with my rituals and routines on the weekends. I can't travel alone either, it heightens my depressed feelings. Of course I'm still frustrated and longing for somethings just a few tics different, like anyone else.
One thing you may consider, is just making 'platonic' female friends, not everyone has to be a potential date/wifey in order to enrich or improve your life. Standard disclaimers and yellow caution signs about the FriendZone still apply.
ATLguy- when in Rome. You'll find the ladies in OK -at the rodeo.
When I lived in SE Kansas for those 5 years.... 2000-05', everybody loved the rodeo circuit. Or, down there, heavy on religious stuff. Monster trucks? Hunting? Fishing? Cabelos' is a major draw in those areas of the Midwest.
Bonfires? Summer float trips?
Good luck.
I left.
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....it's FUn.
