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This is a question for men who have either been divorced or never married, are in their 40's, and not in a relationship. When you're single and in between relationships, how do you spend your free time? A buddy of mine and I have had this conversation because he says he's bored. He's 40 and in a relationship, successful, but doesn't have a lot of hobbies. I'm in a similar boat, but not in a relationship (though I'd much rather be in one). My weekends are spent reading, watching football (thank God for football), working out, and not much else. My friends are all married and I live in a city I can't stand. I'm really bored with my life and completely unfulfilled. Guys, if you're in your 40's and not in a relationship, are you happy with your life? Assuming you also don't have kids (i don't and neither does my buddy), how do you spend your free time? I'm not a workaholic and when I'm not working I'm completely bored. I hate going to bars alone, don't like to just sit around and watch tv all the time (can only watch so much Netflix), don't enjoy traveling alone, and just feel like I have no life. I just really had different expectations for my life (marriage and kids), but it is what it is, and I've got to figure out how to make the best of it. I imagine there's not many men in this situation, but if there are, how do you spend your free time?
I don't think you have to be in your 40s to be able to relate to this. In younger age groups, if no one is married, if there are a group of guy friends, and most of the guys have steady gfs and there are 1-2 outlier guys in the group without gfs, the guys without gfs will be left to fend for themselves for the most part. Most guys pick hanging out with their gfs over hanging out with their male buddies. Why? Because their gfs can give them sex.
Very few single males are good time allocators. Most tend to waste a fair amount of time.
Hobbies can only go so far alone. A lot of single men do have a lot of free time. When men are single, their friends in relationships rarely hang out with them. They either go make new friends that are in the same life stage, or focus on dating.
The travel industry does not cater to those who can't bring a significant other on a trip, so your travel options are more limited.
You have some choices to make. If you really hate Oklahoma City so much, you might want to look into leaving, but relocating to a new city to improve your dating fortunes rarely works. There are some moves that can benefit, but since Oklahoma City is already a fairly large metro, moving to another large metro probably won't solve much.
I don't think you have to be in your 40s to be able to relate to this. In younger age groups, if no one is married, if there are a group of guy friends, and most of the guys have steady gfs and there are 1-2 outlier guys in the group without gfs, the guys without gfs will be left to fend for themselves for the most part. Most guys pick hanging out with their gfs over hanging out with their male buddies. Why? Because their gfs can give them sex.
Very few single males are good time allocators. Most tend to waste a fair amount of time.
Hobbies can only go so far alone. A lot of single men do have a lot of free time. When men are single, their friends in relationships rarely hang out with them. They either go make new friends that are in the same life stage, or focus on dating.
The travel industry does not cater to those who can't bring a significant other on a trip, so your travel options are more limited.
You have some choices to make. If you really hate Oklahoma City so much, you might want to look into leaving, but relocating to a new city to improve your dating fortunes rarely works. There are some moves that can benefit, but since Oklahoma City is already a fairly large metro, moving to another large metro probably won't solve much.
I didn't even read the OP, but I did read this response. I'm going to a wedding tomorrow of my best friend, who's the last friend of my group, besides myself, to be married. I asked his soon to be wife if I could bring a plus one to the wedding and she said that she was keeping it to close friends and family. Everyone else in the wedding is already married, so it's a no brainer that they are bringing their plus one. At the time, I had only been seeing my girlfriend for about a month.
That right there just proves that single people get ostracized and I don't say that to be negative either. When people are in a relationship for a period of time, they tend to spend their time with people that share similar situations as themselves. It's what helps in keeping the drama to a dull roar.
I'm not saying this to make anyone rush into being in a relationship, because being single does have its perks. I was single for the better part of 6 years, and it's an adjustment for me to be domesticated in a sense. Just chilling out with my girlfriend, and not doing much, is better than me running around all the time to put myself in more and more situations to potentially meet single women. It became tiring, on top of online dating as well. In the end, I can relax a little bit more and I'm a bit more happier by myself as well.
It's just how things go when people venture off into relationships. It's just a part of life. As we grow and evolve, we continue to stick friendships out with people that are the most like us.
That right there just proves that single people get ostracized and I don't say that to be negative either. When people are in a relationship for a period of time, they tend to spend their time with people that share similar situations as themselves. It's what helps in keeping the drama to a dull roar.
It's just how things go when people venture off into relationships. It's just a part of life. As we grow and evolve, we continue to stick friendships out with people that are the most like us.
Generally speaking, people in relationships want nothing to do with single people who are not dating anyone exclusively. Like seeks like. Your observation is astute and accurate.
Married people might associate with longer term unmarried couples, but they won't associate with singles not in a relationship.
There are social consequence for not moving lockstep at the pace of others in terms of relationships. In the broader social contexts, singles are pariahs.
I don't think you have to be in your 40s to be able to relate to this. In younger age groups, if no one is married, if there are a group of guy friends, and most of the guys have steady gfs and there are 1-2 outlier guys in the group without gfs, the guys without gfs will be left to fend for themselves for the most part. Most guys pick hanging out with their gfs over hanging out with their male buddies. Why? Because their gfs can give them sex.
Very few single males are good time allocators. Most tend to waste a fair amount of time.
Hobbies can only go so far alone. A lot of single men do have a lot of free time. When men are single, their friends in relationships rarely hang out with them. They either go make new friends that are in the same life stage, or focus on dating.
The travel industry does not cater to those who can't bring a significant other on a trip, so your travel options are more limited.
You have some choices to make. If you really hate Oklahoma City so much, you might want to look into leaving, but relocating to a new city to improve your dating fortunes rarely works. There are some moves that can benefit, but since Oklahoma City is already a fairly large metro, moving to another large metro probably won't solve much.
Its not just moving to improve my dating life, although that is a part of it. But everyone here is married, so its hard to make guy friends. I have some, but they're always doing things with their family and can rarely go out. Hence my original post about finding some hobbies or something to keep myself busy, and more importantly, happier than I am now. I'm stuck in Oklahoma City for now. I can't just pick up and move like I could in my 20's without another job to go to. I am searching for a job back in Atlanta or Dallas or another big city, but that takes time. In the meantime I have to make the best of a bad situation and try to enjoy myself as a single middle aged guy. I'm having trouble doing that.
Generally speaking, people in relationships want nothing to do with single people who are not dating anyone exclusively. Like seeks like. Your observation is astute and accurate.
Married people might associate with longer term unmarried couples, but they won't associate with singles not in a relationship.
There are social consequence for not moving lockstep at the pace of others in terms of relationships. In the broader social contexts, singles are pariahs.
I'm not sure why you would think this. My closest friend has been single the entire 6 years that I've known her. And I have other single friends as well. Why would married people not associate with singles not in a relationship?
Generally speaking, people in relationships want nothing to do with single people who are not dating anyone exclusively. Like seeks like. Your observation is astute and accurate.
Married people might associate with longer term unmarried couples, but they won't associate with singles not in a relationship.
There are social consequence for not moving lockstep at the pace of others in terms of relationships. In the broader social contexts, singles are pariahs.
Plus, I was a bit of a prowler too, so I was likely seen as a threat to my buddies wives. The last thing I ever planned to do was to put my friends into a situation to where it would look like they wanted to cheat. I just wanted to hang out and have fun at a bar or something like that. Most of the time, the women were probably not comfortable, because their partner wasn't in a situation that overly mimicked what they were doing.
It's cool and no sweat off my back. I never really thought much about the consequences of my actions being a prowler till I hit my late 20s. Once more and more women started pairing off, I realized that being single was a little lonely at times. Not that I was lonely by myself all the time, but continuously dating and it not going anywhere, left me in a bit of a lonely stage in my personal life.
The only thing that helped me being single was being a bit promiscuous, but it also stunted my growth in being faithful and wanting to be faithful. Single was grand, but I think a lot of my buddies wives and girlfriends had little respect for me at times, because I would just sleep with women, but not equally commit to them. Granted, some of the women went down the same path, but things are SO DIFFERENT when you're in a LTR and your thoughts begin to really distance themselves from when you were single.
In my 30s is when I really saw being single a drawback in certain aspects of my life. I wasn't invited or even given the opportunity to attend certain events through work. They tended to be couple exclusive and I couldn't fill that role. Even though I wanted to go, it didn't matter, because I wasn't the target audience they ere after. I don't really miss being single in the slightest. Even though if I end up single again, I can surely handle it, but man..... I don't miss it.
I spend a lot of time outdoors doing chores/projects around my place. I live on 80 acres on a beautiful forested mountain with artesian springs & a basspond, year round creek. I'm surrounded by BLM forest.
My favorite past time is fishing. I either fish from shore or out in my boat. I mostly catch & release, but sometimes i will keep a few crappie or catfish to deep fry some fillets.....
I get a lot of enjoyment using my binoculars to observe bald eagles & osprey, great blue heron, when i find them. Sometimes i see a black bear or big cat, etc.
I enjoy exploring BLM lands looking for new fishing holes, beautiful scenery, etc.
I enjoy looking at the night sky. You can see billions of stars (clouds of stars) at night. At times quite a few shooting stars are seen, maybe a ufo.....
I'm up past 40. I have four grown young'uns. My beloved wife passed on from cancer.
I have some friends who are Okies. They have said there is some good fishing in OK. You should do some exploring around & do some fishing...
Well... ATlguy... I just pulled up your pics... you're a good looking guy... in shape, got your hair, snappy dresser....no kids, that is a plus with some women, you seem like a pretty bright guy..... I don't know why you're having such a rough time with it...
Heck.. you make me nervous, if you're having such a rough time out there, If Mrs. Chow decides to dump me......LOL, gives me pause to think about buying those flowers and doing the niceties more often...
Cause if you're having those problems, I'd be right with ya in the lamenting department...
To answer your query, I don't have a lot of hobbies either and I don't have a lot of guy friends either, but I entertainment myself somehow.... music and the Internet is a biggie for me... and even though I'm with Mrs. Chow, we're not attached at the hip and I do some stuff without her..... I guess music is my thing... I've taken to watching and listening to podcasts of my fav musicians being interviewed...
Now I'm jobless that has sort of been my hobby as of late.
I've taken to writing poetry... and as unmanly as that sounds, it's actually pretty cathartic to be able to express yourself that way... I know as a guy you hear that word "poetry" and you sort of go, whatever.. but it does get you to thinking.
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