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Do yourself and your son a huge favor and accept all of the financial support his family offers. You're probably a nice woman and I imagine they're very excited about having a grandchild. They want him to be healthy and connected to them. It's a gift. Be grateful.
The father of the child may not be a good life partner, but eventually he might become a loving and involved father to his son.
You'll be alright. There will be plenty of babysitters in the future. Other men will love you. Don't worry about the things beyond your control.
Enjoy this time in your life because it will have a strong effect on your son's emotional well-being, too.
For all the people here that just casually throw out adoption, obviously you've never been pregnant. Being raised by a single mother isn't the worst thing in the world and there are no guarantees that adoptive parents will be better parents anyway. Why is everyone assuming that this guy isn't going to help raise his son anyway? Just because he's a lousy boyfriend doesn't automatically mean that he will be a dead beat dad. Maybe he will be but she at least has the support of her own family and his.
OP, I don't know what exactly you're looking for here but ignore the naysayers and concentrate on being the best mom you can be. All you can do at this point is love your son and do what you need to do to provide for him. Get the paternity test then file for child support and set you some type of custody arrangement. Good luck.
For all the people here that just casually throw out adoption, obviously you've never been pregnant. Being raised by a single mother isn't the worst thing in the world and there are no guarantees that adoptive parents will be better parents anyway. Why is everyone assuming that this guy isn't going to help raise his son anyway? Just because he's a lousy boyfriend doesn't automatically mean that he will be a dead beat dad. Maybe he will be but she at least has the support of her own family and his.
OP, I don't know what exactly you're looking for here but ignore the naysayers and concentrate on being the best mom you can be. All you can do at this point is love your son and do what you need to do to provide for him. Get the paternity test then file for child support and set you some type of custody arrangement. Good luck.
Actually, there are plenty of stats to show that they are more negative consequences in life for the children raised by single mothers. It is way better for the child to get to live in a 2 parent household.
Also, if she gives the child up for adoption, she essentially gets a free pass. She retains her marketability in the dating world as a childless person.
Also, if she gives the child up for adoption, she essentially gets a free pass. She retains her marketability in the dating world as a childless person.
Wow what a great reason to give up her child. (Sarcasm intended.)
Actually, there are plenty of stats to show that they are more negative consequences in life for the children raised by single mothers. It is way better for the child to get to live in a 2 parent household.
Also, if she gives the child up for adoption, she essentially gets a free pass. She retains her marketability in the dating world as a childless person.
A child is not a puppy, you don't just give it away and move on with your life like nothing happened. Who gives a crap about marketability. Her son is more important than snagging a man anyway. Besides there are actually good men out there that will love her and accept her son.
Anyway, whose to say that adoptive parents won't eventually divorce. Of course it's best for a child to grow up in a home with two loving parents but a child isn't doomed if their parents aren't together.
Last edited by melovescookies; 11-01-2015 at 09:03 AM..
Congratulations on the baby! You're probably having some mixed feelings of being happy, yet afraid and disappointed at the same time. It's sucks that life doesn't always turn the way we planned it, but sometimes goodness comes disguised. It's good his parents and yours are supportive. It may be very hard to do, but I guess right now the only thing you can do is focus on the baby and enjoy everything that comes with him. There are plenty of single moms out there who later found somebody and either got married or went on to be in a LTR with. So you have your whole life ahead of you, but now is not the time to look that far yet. I wish a happy and healthy pregnancy and a happy and healthy baby. You and your son may end up being happier just the two of you, then with a father who doesn't value the family and your son's mom. He can still grow up a normal kid- i have plenty of friends who didn't grow up living with their dads, and they are all normal, decent people. I heard that kids give a whole new meaning to your life! For me personally, if I were to get pregnant at this point, I'd be very scared, but I think I would take it as a blessing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FindingLove
I'm 27 and about a year ago I started a relationship with a 35 year old man. He's very attractive, had a smart humour and acted very nicely towards me. In the back of my mind I always had the old tale of finding a good man and having a stable long term relationship, a couple of kids and being my own little princess. Very naive, I know, but I always dreamt with it.
Well, it turns out he was not so nice after all. He comes from a wealthy family and basically always had everything he wanted. I noticed he went out at night way too often and soon found out he was having multiple affairs with several women. I find lots of sexual text messages, women sending naked pics to him and that when he said he was going home he was mostly going to nightclubs and strip clubs with his friends.
The way he acted had already faded before I found out. He started to come across as cocky, arrogant, couldn't stop starring at hot women and made plenty of sexist remarks.
I also found out I was pregnant around the same time. I obviously broke up with him and he never denied the affairs. He even said you couldn't expect a man to waste his life being faithful to a woman.
I was very afraid of his reaction towards the pregnancy but he acted way better than I expected. He was surprised, just asked if I was sure the baby was his () and said the decision to abort or keep the child was up to me. I eventually decided to keep the baby...I couldn't bring myself to have an abortion.
I'm now 16 weeks pregnant and it was confirmed today that it's a little boy. He travels a lot on business trips, I called him and he sounded very pleased.
My parents and my brothers say they don't judge me and will give me all the support I need but I still feel a bit disappointed because nothing turned out like I wished. I'm obviously very happy for the baby but his father acted will leave marks forever.
His mother invited me for coffee and she said that regardless of what happened between us, that the baby will have grandparents and cousins and asked me not to prevent him from being in contact with them. She said she knows her son doesn't act very well towards women but that he's truly happy with the baby.
His father also called me saying that if I ever need money to just ask him. I thanked him but said I've my own job and never depended on anyone's money to have my life.
Sorry for the long text. I'm just venting.
P.S. Yes, he'll have a paternity test done once our son is born. It could be done during the pregnancy but he said he didn't want to put the baby at risk.
The business of raising a child is a tough one and while some of the posters here spout off some mean spirited things, there's a small measure of truths to them, but the vitriol and nastiness behind them is what I find troubling. The OP should just focus on all the potential support she seems like she's gonna have and just focus on the child for a few yrs, put dating men on the backburner for a bit. A couple of yrs will fly by and she should just focus on bonding with the baby for a bit.
I don't think I could ever give up a baby for adoption. I relate with that sentiment. Don't call the OP selfish because of this!
I know of a situation where a young woman placed her baby in an open adoption. The parents regularly keep in touch with the bio mom, send pics, get together, etc. That might be a better option for some people (again, not me, but I'm not the OP - maybe it would be an alternative).
I would not expect anything from this guy. Don't hope he's going to step up and be a great dad (and certainly not a great partner). Even if he were to suggest that he wanted to be with you, to raise the child, I wouldn't go for it, based on what you've said.
When the paternity test comes back, you can certainly get child support. That will help. But you will have to figure out right quick how you can provide a good life for your child. If this guy doesn't fulfill his end of the deal, you're going to have to be able to make it on your own, with a child. You also should find more healthy role models for your son (regardless of whether or not the father is in his life). He'll be starting with a deficit. You may have to work harder for him to succeed.
OP - this douche has given you the Best Gift in the World.
Baby isn't here yet but when he is you will barely think about his dad.
You will be so entranced with the perfection that came out of your body, the father will barely matter.
I did it all the right way - engagement, marriage, then kids - and the ex left anyway - now THAT was a shock and utterly unplanned. I had quite a lot of shame from uttering the words Single Mother. For the first month anyway then I realized I was in a street full of them and they supported me all the way.
At least you have a chance of starting things Right by your Baby and keeping them that way.
Good luck!! I wish you could drop your grief over the donor and start celebrating the absolutely wonderful time of your life, the absolute pinnacle >>becoming a mom.
Don't waste your special waiting time but worrying about some douche. You've got much bigger and better things ahead!
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(Sarcasm intended.)
He travels a lot on business trips, I called him and he sounded very pleased. 
