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The point is if men were just as picky/Unpicky as women then no one would have it any easier or harder than anyone else. The fact is, people differ, it's not a male female thing in the long run. We are looking at this whole thing in a heteronormative Westernized mindset, which doesn't apply to large swaths of the human experience.
Don't think that men aren't picky, though. I myself have a couple of very particular body type(s) that I'm looking for in a woman. If she doesn't fit these very limited body types - even if she's conventionally attractive otherwise - I won't pursue her. Note that I'm only looking for one-nighters/FWB's. And, I'm still picky.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissClutterbuck
Women are afraid of rejection, that's true, and I think men get annoyed because they risk the same thing.
Thing is, with a cold approach women have another risk. What if he doesn't actually like me but just wants to get laid.
That's why it's so frustrating when men insist on how easy it is for women. Yes, it's probably easy in some cases, but we have no way of knowing if the man we approach actually is attracted to us or just looking to get laid.
As guys we don't know either. There have been many times I pursued women, and a few times I have been pursued by women and really liked them, and all they wanted was the most casual of relationships (FBs, FWBs, or casual dating with sex and not really going anywhere), it can be just as frustrating as a guy when you really like the girl. That's all they want? Why am I not good enough for more? She kisses me, sleeps with me, even at times introduces me to her parents and friends, and tells me she really likes me... but doesn't want anything serious. It messes just as much with men as it does with women.
Don't think that men aren't picky, though. I myself have a couple of very particular body type(s) that I'm looking for in a woman. If she doesn't fit these very limited body types - even if she's conventionally attractive otherwise - I won't pursue her. Note that I'm only looking for one-nighters/FWB's. And, I'm still picky.
Then this whole thread is a complete waste. Everyone is an individual and everyone's experience different.
You're right - a woman wouldn't know what a guy is looking for (or not looking for) ahead of time. That's just a chance women will have to take if they want to cold-approach a guy.
Personally, I'm just looking to get laid. A woman would find that out fairly quickly if she got to know me - so I wouldn't waste too much of her time if that's not what she's looking for also...
You've been on the website for less than a day and you've already had 3 attractive guys message you.
How long do you think it will be before you find an exact match?
Now, try creating a profile as an average looking guy and see how many women message you (likely none) and how many respond to you with legitimate responses (like 1/20 or worse). Then, try to imagine being a man that is quiet and has difficulty meeting women IRL, that ONLY can rely on OLD. Think of what it will do to your confidence to get rejected so often.
I swear...most women are so disconnected from how things really work. It's truly astonishing.
I messaged men who, by most standards, are average-looking. I've also responded to messages of average-looking types in cases where I was intrigued by their profile and we were compatibility in key areas. However, I *do* know and realize these men often don't have great success, or experience very low response rate. An ex (we met on OKC) I kept in touch with post-breakup talked about his experience on OKC and how he wasn't getting any replies from the women he was matched with, and he would be considered above average. So even these fellas can have less than exciting or positive experiences.
I tell her early on that I'm only into FWB/one-nighters; typically during the first long conversation (always before we go out on the first "date") - I believe in being 100% honest up-front & never misrepresent myself.
I will be honest - many women aren't into that and we go our separate ways at that point. Note that even the ones that aren't into this do tell me that they appreciate my honesty - even if they're not into the same thing I am.
However, some are on the same page with me on this & we have some great short-term fun.
I've also met women who weren't initially looking for this (or tell me they weren't initially looking for this), but end up "changing their minds" for whatever reason - I have fun with them as well
Lastly, note I only really date BBW's.
The only other types of women I'm into (other than BBW's) are muscular body-builder-type women with large arms/legs, etc. However, I haven't dated any extremely muscular women (yet).
I tell her early on that I'm only into FWB/one-nighters; typically during the first long conversation (always before we go out on the first "date") - I believe in being 100% honest up-front & never misrepresent myself.
I will be honest - many women aren't into that and we go our separate ways at that point. Note that even the ones that aren't into this do tell me that they appreciate my honesty - even if they're not into the same thing I am.
However, some are on the same page with me on this & we have some great short-term fun.
I've also met women who weren't initially looking for this (or tell me they weren't initially looking for this), but end up "changing their minds" for whatever reason - I have fun with them as well
Lastly, note I only really date BBW's.
The only other types of women I'm into (other than BBW's) are muscular body-builder-type women with large arms/legs, etc. However, I haven't dated any extremely muscular women (yet).
So you usually tell them before the first date? Or during?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissClutterbuck
So you usually tell them before the first date? Or during?
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Big Lebowski Dude
I tell her early on that I'm only into FWB/one-nighters; typically during the first long conversation (always before we go out on the first "date") - I believe in being 100% honest up-front & never misrepresent myself.
I tell her early on that I'm only into FWB/one-nighters; typically during the first long conversation (always before we go out on the first "date") - I believe in being 100% honest up-front & never misrepresent myself.
I will be honest - many women aren't into that and we go our separate ways at that point. Note that even the ones that aren't into this do tell me that they appreciate my honesty - even if they're not into the same thing I am.
However, some are on the same page with me on this & we have some great short-term fun.
I've also met women who weren't initially looking for this (or tell me they weren't initially looking for this), but end up "changing their minds" for whatever reason - I have fun with them as well
Lastly, note I only really date BBW's.
The only other types of women I'm into (other than BBW's) are muscular body-builder-type women with large arms/legs, etc. However, I haven't dated any extremely muscular women (yet).
What about the ones who share your interest in short-term flings, but don't fit your preferred body type? When do you tell them their body doesn't measure up?
What about the ones who share your interest in short-term flings, but don't fit your preferred body type? When do you tell them their body doesn't measure up?
Doesn't typically get that far with women who I'm not physically attracted to. I.e., if a woman doesn't fit my preferred body type & she's hitting on me, I don't show a lot of interest & it doesn't get to the point where we have much of a conversation. I'll only mention the FWB/one-nighter preference if I find her attractive enough to want to sleep with. It would make no sense for me to bother telling a woman I didn't want to sleep with my "relationship preference". Why bother?! I'd be wasting her time & my time.
Also, to all the ladies out there who are trying to figure out when a guy (or if a guy) will tell a woman he's only looking for fun vs. looking for a relationship, I'm an anomaly here. I'm a hell of a lot more honest up-front than most people (men or women) will be with you.
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