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I think you're using the word logical where you mean practical. Of course, practical things are logical, but I'm just pointing out a more appropriate word for this thread.
I agree that it's wrong to characterize someone as shallow for bringing up practical reasons why they might not date or marry someone. The dating world is like a business, not a charity.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
Yep. At that point, "never having loved at all" is no longer a danger.
Maybe, but I hope I never get jaded enough where I'm not willing to risk emotional hurt so I put up walls that prevent myself from being able to fall in love. It's a rare thing to happen, and its never been unwelcome to me, despite the pains of it ending when they do end.
I think you're using the word logical where you mean practical. Of course, practical things are logical, but I'm just pointing out a more appropriate word for this thread.
I agree that it's wrong to characterize someone as shallow for bringing up practical reasons why they might not date or marry someone. The dating world is like a business, not a charity.
I don't think anyone thinks of Dissenter being shallow.
I think the thing is that you are young and you are not allowing for any future change. And one thing that is pretty logical is that people change.
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Maybe, but I hope I never get jaded enough where I'm not willing to risk emotional hurt so I put up walls that prevent myself from being able to fall in love. It's a rare thing to happen, and its never been unwelcome to me, despite the pains of it ending when they do end.
Me, either.
But I've certainly learned a lot about not missing subtle warning signs. I find a healthy amount of wariness/skepticism can go a long way in making wise decisions. Retiring the rose-colored glasses has been an asset, versus a liability, in that aftermath.
Do I wish I'd never spent the years I did with my ex? You'd better believe I do. It was NOT worth the hurt. Not in any way, shape, or form. Any rewards or positives gained from being with him come nowhere close to outweighing the pain that was caused, it's not even close. On the other hand, had the relationship not have taken place, there isn't any way I would ever have met my husband or had my son, so there is that. Still doesn't make me appreciate the suffering it took to get to the good place, I'll be honest.
Dating and courtship is an inherently emotional experience, hence rationality is often skewed or completely disregarded.
Ever seen a chick flick? They are VERY good at playing the "magical love and romance no matter what" card. The reason they have such an emotional impact on so many (mostly women, but men as well) is that lack of rationality. The stories they tell are atypical, and they make the viewers feel that they can find super magical irrational fairy tale true love as well. The real world is different, however. Not everyone realizes this.
You overthink too much. And from a previous thread quit being a tightwad. You pay.
Funny how you felt the need to tack this on as if it's really important.
I'm not sure what the situation was surrounding this thread but Diss but the simple answer is this:
Humans do not always act on logic and reason especially when intense feelings get involved.
When most people get older they do get to a place where those strong emotions and need for practicality are parallel but that's usually after they have had some harsh lessons and experiences.
FWIW, Diss take whatever is said on here with a grain of salt. Some posters on this forum can't have a civil conversation to save their lives without hurling insults. As evidence by the post I've quoted.
I got screamed at yesterday for stating I would consider it a major lack of logic for someone who has a stance to get involved with someone who had a staunchly different take of the stance. The stance was having children, not exactly a what's for dinner question that can be negotiated? Sorry, not sorry, I would definitely say getting involved with someone who might want children when you DEFINITELY don't want children shows a lack of critical thinking and logic. People tried to come at me with you'll logic yourself to the singles ward of the nursing home, call me when you selected a partner on logic,etc.
My point is logic should not be cast aside when choosing who to date and more importantly who NOT to date. If you as a childfree person want to get involved with someone who wants kids? Fine, but you have no right to complain when you get dumped or are forced to make a tough decision of whether to have kids to keep them or not when you could have avoided that noise by not getting involved with someone who had a different take than you on such a crucial issue.
Alright CD, commence on telling me I'm nothing because I've never been in a substantial romantic relationship. Ain't nothing I've never heard before.
Well, I do find it odd that you have never had a gf but give out relationship advise to people who are sometimes married 20+ years.
However, I agree on the logic of the child topic. It is a very big life decision and should be talked about before the relationship goes deeper.
I usually figure out within two dates if the other person is pro children or not. I have rejected potential bf's over that. For some people becoming a parent is their ultimate goal in life. You shouldn't take that away from them and let them rather be with somebody who wants the same.
I would feel very guilty to date a man who wants children and see his eyes light up every time he sees a baby or child and know that I took that opportunity away from him.
I got screamed at yesterday for stating I would consider it a major lack of logic for someone who has a stance to get involved with someone who had a staunchly different take of the stance. The stance was having children, not exactly a what's for dinner question that can be negotiated? Sorry, not sorry, I would definitely say getting involved with someone who might want children when you DEFINITELY don't want children shows a lack of critical thinking and logic. People tried to come at me with you'll logic yourself to the singles ward of the nursing home, call me when you selected a partner on logic,etc.
My point is logic should not be cast aside when choosing who to date and more importantly who NOT to date. If you as a childfree person want to get involved with someone who wants kids? Fine, but you have no right to complain when you get dumped or are forced to make a tough decision of whether to have kids to keep them or not when you could have avoided that noise by not getting involved with someone who had a different take than you on such a crucial issue.
Alright CD, commence on telling me I'm nothing because I've never been in a substantial romantic relationship. Ain't nothing I've never heard before.
Definitely a place for both logic and "magic" as others are saying. It can be pretty painful- I most likely will never see this lady again since she will now occupy most of her time finding someone to have kids with. That's a real shame as we had a pretty good connection and is a good reason she spent quite a while sobbing about it. But life must go on, I hope she finds somebody because she deserves it.
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