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Personally I believe that something as important as whether or not you want children is and should be discussed. You don't want to be forced to accept a lifestyle you don't want, and neither should a potential partner. Currently, I have a stepson, and he is mine in all but biology. Sometime in the future my husband and I plan to have another child, and I would be heartbroken if he did not want one as much as I do. It would have kept me from marrying him. Being honest and upfront about big issues is important. Of course, that does not mean you won't fall in love with a woman with children or one who wants children, and your feelings could change.
True. Many of us are waiting for that day to arrive in the OP's life. But he's right that in order for things to work out long term, both people need to be on the same page on this issue. That's just basic.
He could very well meet a woman who's adamant about not having kids. They both fall madly in love, relationship blossoms and gets stronger over the years (everything is puppies and rainbows) then one day...the woman suddenly wants a kid/s (because people change) what then?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
He could very well meet a woman who's adamant about not having kids. They both fall madly in love, relationship blossoms and gets stronger over the years (everything is puppies and rainbows) then one day...the woman suddenly wants a kid/s (because people change) what then?
I'd drop her like Ted Ginn Jr drops catchable balls. Dead serious.
He could very well meet a woman who's adamant about not having kids. They both fall madly in love, relationship blossoms and gets stronger over the years (everything is puppies and rainbows) then one day...the woman suddenly wants a kid/s (because people change) what then?
That's a tough one. It happened to my brother. He caved, they had 2 kids, and now he can't stop bragging about them. I think that if everything were seriously puppies and rainbows, and the OP were very contented, and there was an "oops" (just for example), his heart might melt when the baby arrived. But the OP has good reasons for feeling the way he does, so we should respect that. And there are women out there who genuinely don't want kids. All he has to do is find one who's compatible with him.
Logic is INSANELY important.
Wanting vs not wanting kids is a no-brainer and will likely never result in a good outcome.
Yeah, the kid question is obviously something that can't really be compromised on, but the OP's issue is really something different. He seems to want to be patted on the back for putting up walls that ensure that he never has to be vulnerable or have any bad or difficult feelings, because he pushes people away before they can get close. That's not logic, nor is it something to be proud of.
You're also going to find it much harder to find someone who operates in this manner.
That's not necessarily a bad thing, but let's say it is. It would still be better than being locked in an unhappy relationship that requires you to compromise your fundamental beliefs to hold the peace.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Yeah, the kid question is obviously something that can't really be compromised on, but the OP's issue is really something different. He seems to want to be patted on the back for putting up walls that ensure that he never has to be vulnerable or have any bad or difficult feelings, because he pushes people away before they can get close. That's not logic, nor is it something to be proud of.
I'll make myself vulnerable for the right person. I just have super strict requirements for who is that right person.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
I'll make myself vulnerable for the right person. I just have super strict requirements for who is that right person.
And how many people have you met in your life that have fit these requirements that you've actually fallen in love with and that fell in love with you?
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But he's right that in order for things to work out long term, both people need to be on the same page on this issue. That's just basic.
