Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Ok so we have been together for 10 months now and everything was good she was saying she couldn't live out me and all that but now I don't know what it is.
Her little girl said her ex's name out of the blue and then she told me he messaged her the other day and now she's going everywhere with her phone ie in the shower to the toilet anywhere she goes she takes it. But she never used to do that it feels like she has changed..... I've been trying to find this out for myself if she's cheating instead of asking her if she's cheating because last time I asked she got a little bit offended. I mean I know she wouldn't cheat she has kids and she wouldn't put anyone through that but deep down I just don't know what to think. Like I don't know what she does throughout the day when I'm at work and there is a big age difference she 27 and I'm 21 so I'm just clueless. This is my very first relationship where I want to be with I do love her and all that
If you suspect she is cheating, she probably is cheating. You're noticing a change in her behavior and secrecy with her phone which are red flags along with her child's utterances. You need to move on because this woman has too much baggage. You're 21 years old and should be having the time of your life not dealing with a child that isn't yours, wondering what your girlfriend's doing while you're at work, and shouldering these burdens. You deserve better.
If you suspect she is cheating, she probably is cheating.
I wonder is there any statistical basis for such a comment at all? IF there is then I have never been shown it so I would welcome some insight. Certainly anecdotally I can tell you by far the majority of people I am aware of who harboured such suspicions turned out to be wrong. So whether you have a better basis than anecdote for your comment - I have no idea?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunnydee
You're noticing a change in her behavior and secrecy with her phone which are red flags along with her child's utterances.
It is unclear from the OPs post if the "EX" in question is the childs parent too. If so - then how would a child saying their own parents name be a "red flag"? It would be a natural and normal occurrence in my book.
The problem with "noticing changes in behaviour" is that quite often there is no change of behaviour there at all. What often has happened is a change in the persons internal narrative - and then noticing things that appear to fit that narrative that they might not have noticed before. When you have an internal narrative that your partner is cheating on you - the mind plays horrendous tricks on you by feeding that narrative by parsing everything through it. Suddenly if your partner carries their phone into the bathroom - or they take 20 minutes longer getting home from work than normal - or any other small innocuous thing - the brain takes it as validation of that narrative.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunnydee
You need to move on because this woman has too much baggage.
Do you know the woman in question? Because aside from the fact she has a child from a previous relationship the OP has told us literally nothing about her. So how you come into the information she has "baggage" I am unsure. Perhaps you know the people in question personally and therefore have access to information us other readers do not? Or are you simply one of those people who automatically equates any single parent as "too much baggages"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunnydee
You're 21 years old and should be having the time of your life not dealing with a child that isn't yours, wondering what your girlfriend's doing while you're at work
Not sure what his age has to do with this. If you are the kind of person who is going to worry about what your partner is at when you are not supervising them - then ditching this particular woman is not going to help much. He will likely feel this way about ANY partner. The majority of us are not with our partner(s) 24/7 - yet the majority of us appear to live life without harboring deep paranoias about their activities when we are not around.
If shes going to cheat there's nothing you can do about it; you're just going to have to trust her. You should just enjoy your time together, because this relationship (imo) will be short lived.
Instead of saying you're too young to have to deal with the drama, I'm going to suggest something that may help you avoid future problems. Learning from past relationships, will always make your future ones better.
You can sit down and work it out, explain that your insecurities are making you hurt, whenever she acts a certain way. If trust is something you struggle with, you will need to own up to it. Once you do that, you can work on ways of letting that fear go, so that it doesn't sabatoge many more future relationships.
I wonder is there any statistical basis for such a comment at all? IF there is then I have never been shown it so I would welcome some insight. Certainly anecdotally I can tell you by far the majority of people I am aware of who harboured such suspicions turned out to be wrong. So whether you have a better basis than anecdote for your comment - I have no idea?
It is unclear from the OPs post if the "EX" in question is the childs parent too. If so - then how would a child saying their own parents name be a "red flag"? It would be a natural and normal occurrence in my book.
The problem with "noticing changes in behaviour" is that quite often there is no change of behaviour there at all. What often has happened is a change in the persons internal narrative - and then noticing things that appear to fit that narrative that they might not have noticed before. When you have an internal narrative that your partner is cheating on you - the mind plays horrendous tricks on you by feeding that narrative by parsing everything through it. Suddenly if your partner carries their phone into the bathroom - or they take 20 minutes longer getting home from work than normal - or any other small innocuous thing - the brain takes it as validation of that narrative.
Do you know the woman in question? Because aside from the fact she has a child from a previous relationship the OP has told us literally nothing about her. So how you come into the information she has "baggage" I am unsure. Perhaps you know the people in question personally and therefore have access to information us other readers do not? Or are you simply one of those people who automatically equates any single parent as "too much baggages"?
Not sure what his age has to do with this. If you are the kind of person who is going to worry about what your partner is at when you are not supervising them - then ditching this particular woman is not going to help much. He will likely feel this way about ANY partner. The majority of us are not with our partner(s) 24/7 - yet the majority of us appear to live life without harboring deep paranoias about their activities when we are not around.
The problem with "noticing changes in behaviour" is that quite often there is no change of behaviour there at all. What often has happened is a change in the persons internal narrative - and then noticing things that appear to fit that narrative that they might not have noticed before. When you have an internal narrative that your partner is cheating on you - the mind plays horrendous tricks on you by feeding that narrative by parsing everything through it. Suddenly if your partner carries their phone into the bathroom - or they take 20 minutes longer getting home from work than normal - or any other small innocuous thing - the brain takes it as validation of that narrative.
s.
Sure. But when you spend massive amounts of time together, habits are ingrained and known and deviations are easily noticeable.
Phone management is one that is super easy to see. If she always leaves her phone face up and is suddenly always putting it face down, that is a behavioral change and a red flag (hiding incoming messages. You'd be surprised how ignorant people are of the functions and options within their phones). If she never took it into the bathroom but is now and all of sudden taking 15 minutes longer than normal, it's obvious.
In my mind, phone management changes are one of the biggest red flags of someone hiding things.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
