How to approach a guy for a hook up (feelings, looking, accept)
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Some people in this thread could learn a lot about the shaming topic in the escort thread.
On topic: OP, I second the "be direct" route. If you don't have the personality for such boldness, then you could try something cute like the "netflix and chill" route or just drop hints like bombs and hope he picks up.
I was in a similar position over a year ago. My situation was slightly different. I did NOT want a relationship because I sucked at it. I had too many things happening in my life that made it difficult to commit and invest in a relationship the way men needed me to in order for them to feel secure about my interest. I tried to date despite this, and it always transformed into a situation where I felt obligated to hang out with them often, communicate often, and spend the night etc--and I was not really in the position to do any of those things, nor did I really want to. I was very flaky and fickle and it always resulted in me feeling guilty when the man acknowledged it. The only reason I had been dating and telling them I was seeking a relationship in the first place was because I wanted sex and romantic male companionship from time to time without the constraints of a relationship. I've never been the type of girl to have sex with men I don't know very well, to do ONS, or to have sex without being in some form of a relationship for many reasons but I don't want to divert from this thread. So I always maintained that if I were to have sex it would only be with a man that I knew very well and was in a relationship with. So I dated and attempted to try to form relationships with men that were interested in me, but during the getting to know you dating process I often f*** it up because I was too flaky and they always thought I wasn't interested because of my aloofness. And in all of those situations I never felt like I knew the man ENOUGH for myself to have sex with him so after a while it sort of felt moot--going on multiple dates, getting to know someone over a comfortable period of time and finding that because I couldn't be as invested I never made it to the stage where I was able to move forward and have sex, so essentially I was doing the most, messing up and not even getting any d***. I realized that I was going backwards about it because if I really want sex but cannot and don't want to commit to a relationship then how can I say that the only way I will have sex is in a relationship? In the method I'd never get what I wanted.
I decided that I was going to have to get rid of the relationship condition, but I could not get rid of the "I need to know him very well" first condition to have sex with him. This eliminated prospects and narrowed my pool to only the men that I was friends with, or that had dated at some point and still kept in touch with. There was one particular "friend" I had, that had started off as someone that I was dating, but became a friend because he was smart enough at that point (at least) to realize I was full of s*** and wasn't really ready to date him. During the course of our friendship it was obvious that I wanted to bone, and that he did too, and it was also obvious that he liked me and that I liked him. But I kept him in the "zone" for many reasons(the same reasons we stopped dating in the first place) and he obliged. He was a logical practical very smart guy and by that point he knew that I was not relationship material so I knew that even if he felt some type of way he would never let himself pursue a relationship with me either. Still, there were many times when he made it clear that he wanted to have sex with me. I kept trying to keep him in the friend zone, by telling him, "I only have sex with men I'm in a relationship with" because I knew this would put him off since he knew that a relationship with me would never work lol.
Then I decided that I did actually really want sex with him and at that point I was craving some D lol. I tried to play games about what I wanted without getting to the point but he would respond with games without getting to the point as well, because he was always the type of guy that was clever in that way(throwing my s*** right back at me and not falling for my games). We would hang out and I would hope that he would make a move but he always played it safe because when he had tried to when we were dating and after we stopped dating I had rejected him. And since I was still pretending like we were just friends he went along with it. Finally I just said f it, and asked him if we could f*** the next time we met up. And he was down. And it happened. The problem? Right before it happened he admitted his feelings for me which caught me off guard because it was supposed to just be sex, and then after we had sex, we had a talk where he admitted once again how he felt... Basically he wanted more and wasn't completely honest from the start. We got into a short term relationship because I realized I was really feeling him too and felt bad for hurting him but also because I still wanted to keep having sex. The relationship eventually ended for the same reasons that all my other dating endeavors did--I could not invest the way he needed me to.
The reason for this story is because as you can see: in the end being direct was the only way to get what I wanted once I decided to change the script the way you have. Second:I knew what I really wanted and what I was capable of committing to(a sex arrangement not a relationship) and I shouldn't have ever did what I really was not comfortable with doing just because it felt like the "easy compromise"--which sounds like what you might be doing because you wanted a relationship with this dude and knew he didn't seem into that with you but now a month later it's okay? I'm pointing this out because I really get the feeling that you liked this guy and that you would be okay with a relationship if he wanted it... I hope that your truly okay with hitting him up for sex and settling for less than a relationship. Finally, because you two dated at point and there were feelings there having sex with the intention for it to be just about the sex may really mess with your emotions and you may find yourself wanting more because you like him.
So my advice to you? If you really truly just want sex and really don't want anything else from him and have no romantic feelings for him and aren't trying to use the sexual experience with him to get "more" from him then the best way to go about it is to be direct. It may not be classy but if you want something go for it and if you don't care about a potential relationship with him then being that crass and classless won't hurt anything.
Good luck.
Last edited by Faith2187; 11-11-2015 at 08:57 PM..
She is not playing a game. She simply changed her mind.
Why is it necessary for a man to be spoon-fed, have all the dots connected for him, and all the work done for him? That's like going fishing and having the fish jump into the boat, with no effort by the fisherman. Where is the enjoyment in that?
Women are several steps ahead of you in terms of wanting sex. If she is on a date or even talking about it, it is *already obvious* that she has pretty much decided that you are potentially worth sleeping with. Your task is to validate her decision and not say or do anything to make her change her mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Big Lebowski Dude
Disagree with this completely. Why can't she simply say she's just looking for a hook up? What's wrong with a woman saying she wants to screw, and that's it?
I hate it when a woman plays games like you recommend above. I personally will not put up with this type of bull#$#@. A woman will have to make it obvious to me that she wants to screw...if that's what she wants. If she plays games, I will lose interest & that will be it.
She is not playing a game. She simply changed her mind.
Why is it necessary for a man to be spoon-fed, have all the dots connected for him, and all the work done for him? That's like going fishing and having the fish jump into the boat, with no effort by the fisherman. Where is the enjoyment in that?
Women are several steps ahead of you in terms of wanting sex. If she is on a date or even talking about it, it is *already obvious* that she has pretty much decided that you are potentially worth sleeping with. Your task is to validate her decision and not say or do anything to make her change her mind.
As with a lot of these posts, I completely disagree here. What's wrong with a woman speaking her mind & letting a guy know exactly what she wants?! Why the hell should I, as a guy, have to read a woman's mind?! As I mentioned in another recent post, women already have the upper hand in the dating world - and your attitude/opinion that guys need to play games with women to try to figure out what they want is part of the problem.
And, do you honestly think that just because a woman goes on a date with a guy that she's considering sleeping with him in all cases?! Bull$%##. Some women date suckers just so they can get free dinner/a movie/gifts/etc., and have no intention of ever screwing the guy.
I like it when a woman is forward & leaves the guess-work out of the equation. And, yes, the crotch-grab really works Women have tried that on me on numerous occasions & it's a great way for them to let me know in no uncertain terms what they want. Just don't squeeze too hard
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiethegreat
Easy,show him your boobs he'll get the message right away.
Yes - that will definitely work too
Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 11-12-2015 at 11:40 PM..
She is not playing a game. She simply changed her mind.
Why is it necessary for a man to be spoon-fed, have all the dots connected for him, and all the work done for him? That's like going fishing and having the fish jump into the boat, with no effort by the fisherman. Where is the enjoyment in that?
Women are several steps ahead of you in terms of wanting sex. If she is on a date or even talking about it, it is *already obvious* that she has pretty much decided that you are potentially worth sleeping with. Your task is to validate her decision and not say or do anything to make her change her mind.
Actually that sounds like she has no mind of her own. I don't usually agree with Lebowski here but I do. I have no problem putting in effort but if I feel like I'm always the only one putting in the effort or if the effort is way too much it isn't worth it.
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Women have tried that on me on numerous occasions & it's a great way for them to let me know in no uncertain terms what they want. Just don't squeeze too hard 
