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You might be right. Is your guy in a managerial position?
Yes, he used to be my supervisor. And I found out after the fact (almost a year later) that he had asked my previous manager to have his manager interview me and to offer me a position on his team. And I had never even met or interacted with him before but had seen him a few times.
We are only acquaintances. Just met him through a new group of friends. We don't interact much. When we do talk he's always polite but cuts the conversation short. He moved over one seat a few weeks ago after he realized he was sitting next to me. From day one I've never flirted with him/gone after him or anything like that. Not my style. I actually keep my distance and don't initiate anything unless he talks to me first.
The first day I met him I caught him staring at my body up and down while smiling and the other day I was playing with my hair and I caught him having what I would call a pleasant facial reaction from watching me do that. It's like he was transfixed. Also, as of late, he smiles at me a lot and holds this gaze and this past Friday I felt kinda creeped out that I couldn't continue looking at him? But why do I feel like he can't stand me? I held two events recently and he didn't show up to either one but attended events for mutual acquaintances.
I admit I have not been very open or acted very interested but I am overall like this with everyone.
Guys, what is this that I'm experiencing? It makes me feel very uncomfortable. I have to be around him but I absolutely will not force a friendship. In general he's a very nice guy to everyone but I have all of these mixed emotions. It's hard for me to talk to him some days and I caught him staring at me again the other day.
BTW what do your mutual friends say about him? Has anyone in that group ever dated him? Does he have a reputation at all?
YES, I have experienced this quite a bit. No, I don't smell.
The thing is, I get accused a lot of being too aloof. So sometimes I try and be more open and friendly (with men and women alike and with no romantic interest), and I've had people tell me not to be "so obvious". I do not even bother with being flirty, as mere friendliness is apparantly "too much".
As much as men say they want women to initiate, most act like you are diseased if you are just basically friendly (forget flirting or even actual "initiating" with romantic intent).
With many of these guys, I think they have insanely high standards and big egos. So they do find you attractive...but you do not meet some nitpicky criteria, which may be something they are assuming about you since they have hardly interacted with you. Many people put really high stock in first impressions and think they "read" others well, even though most people gravely misunderstand others and first impressions can mean little.
So then these guys seem to think if they are nice to you or talk to you much at all, then you will fall in love with them and get clingy. This is their ego telling them they are some great catch and should hold out for someone perfect.
Sometimes I think they make assumptions about women they find attractive, like you must be a vain snob and they get a spiteful pleasure out of rebuffing you. It is almost a defense against them having to take any risk themselves.
The trend with these guys is to be one or more of the following:
- Vain. They feel they are very good-looking. Often the way they dress/groom will tip you off here. That is not to say all well-dressed men are this way, but ones who are and act this way basically think they are too hot for you, even if they do find you attractive.
- Self-righteous. They think they are the only ones in the world who work hard, have morals, etc. They tend to have virgin/***** complexes. Attractive women must be salacious or something, and if she is remotely friendly, then she is some temptress or a party girl they cannot "trust". So they find you attractive, but they prefer mousy women who don't seem sexual or assertive at all, but who seem sweet and easily led. This is more often encountered among the religious, but it is more of a control issue thing.
- Commitment phobes. Any women talking to them must be trying to wrangle them into a relationship. They quickly sniff out you're not just a ONS type (if they are into that), and so they steer clear of you because there is nothing they want from you. Sure, you are attractive to them, but all that does is scare them, because they don't want to get bamboozled into a romantic relationship.
Yes, he used to be my supervisor. And I found out after the fact (almost a year later) that he had asked my previous manager to have his manager interview me and to offer me a position on his team. And I had never even met or interacted with him before but had seen him a few times.
YES, I have experienced this quite a bit. No, I don't smell.
The thing is, I get accused a lot of being too aloof. So sometimes I try and be more open and friendly (with men and women alike and with no romantic interest), and I've had people tell me not to be "so obvious". I do not even bother with being flirty, as mere friendliness is apparantly "too much".
As much as men say they want women to initiate, most act like you are diseased if you are just basically friendly (forget flirting or even actual "initiating" with romantic intent).
With many of these guys, I think they have insanely high standards and big egos. So they do find you attractive...but you do not meet some nitpicky criteria, which may be something they are assuming about you since they have hardly interacted with you. Many people put really high stock in first impressions and think they "read" others well, even though most people gravely misunderstand others and first impressions can mean little.
So then these guys seem to think if they are nice to you or talk to you much at all, then you will fall in love with them and get clingy. This is their ego telling them they are some great catch and should hold out for someone perfect.
Sometimes I think they make assumptions about women they find attractive, like you must be a vain snob and they get a spiteful pleasure out of rebuffing you. It is almost a defense against them having to take any risk themselves.
The trend with these guys is to be one or more of the following:
- Vain. They feel they are very good-looking. Often the way they dress/groom will tip you off here. That is not to say all well-dressed men are this way, but ones who are and act this way basically think they are too hot for you, even if they do find you attractive.
- Self-righteous. They think they are the only ones in the world who work hard, have morals, etc. They tend to have virgin/***** complexes. Attractive women must be salacious or something, and if she is remotely friendly, then she is some temptress or a party girl they cannot "trust". So they find you attractive, but they prefer mousy women who don't seem sexual or assertive at all, but who seem sweet and easily led. This is more often encountered among the religious, but it is more of a control issue thing.
- Commitment phobes. Any women talking to them must be trying to wrangle them into a relationship. They quickly sniff out you're not just a ONS type (if they are into that), and so they steer clear of you because there is nothing they want from you. Sure, you are attractive to them, but all that does is scare them, because they don't want to get bamboozled into a romantic relationship.
This is so insightful. Thank you orangeapple. Sometimes we forget there could be so many different scenarios as to why a person is behaving a certain way.
I'm not trying to be mean, but smelly people aren't usually aware of it.
Nope. I smell great.
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