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Stick to your guns, OP. You are doing the right thing with NC but you also have to move on your life because until he decides that he wants you back,it's not going to happen.
You've idealized the relationship but that was in the past. Although you may want him back, you don't want him this way. It's now out of your hands and you have to do what's best for you.
How do I know? I did the same thing. I insisted on no contact to heal, to reflect, to be by myself and to attempt to move on. He called me 10 months after I broke up with him (I broke up with him because he wasn't treating me right, taking me for granted, lying to me, so I broke up with him, telling him that our relationship wasn't working for me). It's now been 10 months since he approached me again (and tried to win me back), that we have started fresh again. He's now more affectionate, more considerate, more engaged and more importantly, letting me know by his actions that he is more committed. I didn't have that previously. Is it perfect... no. Is it the step in the right direction... yes, it is for me. Time will tell, but I'm optimistic and I'm more content with the direction it's heading. And he's more appreciative of me and letting me know this by his actions.
Sometimes, people have to realize what they miss, before they can give you want you need. If it works out later, then it's meant to be. Meanwhile, keep your heart to yourself, mourn for that relationship and it is indeed very painful... and move on. It's the sane thing to do.
I'm 53, divorced at 47 and this is my second relationship since the divorce. I still have a lot to learn about relationships, but I know my worth, what I bring to the table, what I can tolerate and what I need to do to get what I want out of this life.
Good luck, I feel for you!
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm really happy things worked out for you! I only do hope for the best, but I try to ground myself as much as I can, "Let it be, he asked for this. Let time do it's work." If I have to gear up for the worst, then so be it.
With the way he's been going about things the last 3 weeks, I don't even know what to expect anymore. The most days we've gone without talking since the breakup has been 8!! Technically, that is not long at all, but I'm sure to us it feels like entirety being that we spoke every single day. Because he keeps calling week after week, I answer because we've never ignored one another. I know if I were to call him this second, he would answer. But like I said, the last time we spoke which was last week I laid it out to him, "I don't want a friendship with you!!! What're we gonna go out for tea 2 weeks from now? No thnx."
But yes, I do feel like I'm mourning this relationship. In 3 weeks, today is the first day I haven't shed a tear over this. Maybe it's the fact that I was able to vent out my feelings, emotions out to strangers? Who knows, but I'm grateful for stumbling upon this site. Seeing my story written out has helped dealing with this a whole lot.
It's better it happens now then when she is 8 months pregnant, or the night before the wedding.
Oh my, call me crazy, but I laughed just now.
I said the same exact thing to him some time after the breakup when he called a second time. "What're you gonna leave someone when they're 6 months pregnant just because you can't handle life?"
Depression is a real thing. The way you have responded to him, initially and since, showed very little empathy for him. Maybe he has realized that and has stopped trying to get in touch as a result.
Depression is a real thing. The way you have responded to him, initially and since, showed very little empathy for him. Maybe he has realized that and has stopped trying to get in touch as a result.
It's hard to sympathize with someone who dumps you with no real explanation and tells you "they don't care anymore."
I say let him go. Why would you want to be with someone who isn't convinced they want to be with you???
Depression is a real thing. The way you have responded to him, initially and since, showed very little empathy for him. Maybe he has realized that and has stopped trying to get in touch as a result.
Maybe it's depression, maybe it's his selfishness, maybe he has another girlfriend and is cheating, maybe it's because of the weather.... or maybe it's the colour of the sky. Who is to know.
The issue is that he has made up his mind, broke up with her and has not backed down from that position. Nothing has changed. She has no choice but to take care of herself.
Every day this hurts, I want to cave in and call him and cry and say why, what do I need to do? But I'm not that girl. That was me years ago in a previous relationship. Lesson learned.
Do you have a history of relationships in which the guys left you?
No contact at all is the only way to move forward. If you can get someone else to get your stuff, good. If not, let it go. Don't answer his calls or texts, and make a life without him. You can do it, and he knows exactly what he is doing with these phone calls every so often. He is keeping you on the back burner in case HE decides he wants you back. That is a jerk move and unfair.
Do you have a history of relationships in which the guys left you?
No. I'm 27 years old. First LTR of 5 yrs starting when I was 16 yrs old oh to be young and in love. It was lovely, great guy, but we mutually decided to split. I had just turned 21, I needed to venture out. This he understood. I run into him from time to time. I only wish him the best!
A few yrs after my first relationship, I met someone. I was perhaps 23-24 at the time? Dated this dbag for 2 years on and off. He was AWFUL. Alcoholic, abusive in so many different ways. I was so BLINDED by this $&*%#. He would push me away, pull me back in. So different from my first relationship, everything was fire! This is the guy that I would call, text and cry to if we were in a fight which was like ALL the time. "Why?!! Waaaa waaaa waaaa." Making a fool out of myself. Long story short, I woke up one day and realized, I can't live like this. Called him up one night and said, "I'm through with you, goodbye." Never looked back. Best decision I ever made. But it was this relationship right here that taught me how to be strong.
Shortly after, I dated someone else for about 6 months. Things were getting serious, so we decided to take it slow. Believe it or not, he tragically died in a horrific jetski accident. I don't want to get into too many details, but you can only imagine my pain and suffering. Guilt even. So many what if's.
Do you have a history of relationships in which the guys left you?
Where were you going with this? I ask that respectfully, was curious what this could indicate.
btw - I see both sides of on OP's situation - maybe take him back vs stay away forever. I also see that perhaps BF is too stressed or suffering from depression. Thing is, after two years, the should be emotionally close enough that he can bring this up for discussion and not run away from his biggest supporter. OP sounds too mature for that anyway.
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oh to be young and in love. It was lovely, great guy, but we mutually decided to split. I had just turned 21, I needed to venture out. This he understood. I run into him from time to time. I only wish him the best!
