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Lies. You'll spend the first two days wondering why you haven't heard from him. If you actually like him, you'll either call or text just to say hey I had a great time! Then, like I said, is when he should make the next date. Usually it doesn't even take two days to get the text.
Wow, you're so wrong about this. If a guy waits until I contact him - if I contact him - to ask me out, I'm going to assume he's not very motivated to see me, that I didn't even warrant him considering me...or that he's lazy. He's just asking me out now out of convenience or "Hey, she called, I don't have other plans yet so why not?"? No thanks.
I think it's really bizarre that people would just ignore someone after having fun with them, especially after a first date when first impressions are so important. Maybe that worked in the old days, but these days with people used to things happening more quickly/instantly with online/texting/cell phones/etc., to wait even two days to communicate with someone you liked and would like to see again is rather tone deaf.
Why would he ask you out during the first date? Does he have a life outside of some chick he just met? Gosh...
If it was a great date it is fine. The next date doesn't need to be the next day. Just put it on the calendar. I hope you have plans the next day that have notging to do with me. But if you ask me out a week in advance sure.
Asking if I'd like to go out again at the end of a first date, or calling/emailing/texting me the next day to ask, is not overpursuing. It shows interest, which is what I want...or I'm not wasting my time. What I - and many women - DON'T want is constant texting/phone calls/emails/messaging every day in between those first dates. You want to be able to anticipate the next date, while knowing he's interested. I want to be excited to see you again, not wondering IF I'll see you again.
Wondering IF you'll see him again is what increases your attraction to him.
It is a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men who's feelings are unclear.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellevueNative
Wow, you're so wrong about this. If a guy waits until I contact him - if I contact him - to ask me out, I'm going to assume he's not very motivated to see me, that I didn't even warrant him considering me...or that he's lazy. He's just asking me out now out of convenience or "Hey, she called, I don't have other plans yet so why not?"? No thanks.
I said 3-5 days, not 3-5 weeks. If you really are that into him, you'll either pick up the phone and contact him, or you will happily accept his date invitation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellevueNative
I think it's really bizarre that people would just ignore someone after having fun with them, especially after a first date when first impressions are so important. Maybe that worked in the old days, but these days with people used to things happening more quickly/instantly with online/texting/cell phones/etc., to wait even two days to communicate with someone you liked and would like to see again is rather tone deaf.
How is waiting 3-5 days ignoring someone? Gosh, what if he is swamped at work? What if he doesn't know his schedule yet for the next week? Would you rather him call you and not have anything definite?
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408
If it was a great date it is fine. The next date doesn't need to be the next day. Just put it on the calendar. I hope you have plans the next day that have notging to do with me. But if you ask me out a week in advance sure.
If it was a great date, you will contact him before 3-5 days. If it was a great date, you will still be thinking about it when he asks you for another... in 3-5 days.
Please stop stating things as Scientific Fact when they are only your opinion or the opinion of some moron PUA blogger. Science doesn't work like that.
3-5 days! Bwahahaha. Take it from a person that dated a lot before getting married, if a man waited to ask for a second date (or any contact) 3-5 days after a first date connection (unless he told me he was going to a retreat in the wilderness, the Outback or Antarctica) I'd peg him as a game player and would have written him off by day 5. I'd be irritated at day 3 because if he had to think about it that long, it's probably a non-starter anyway. Not a good start to a relationship.
Not every woman is sitting on pins and needles waiting for a "potential" to call. Too many first dates while perhaps pleasant enough just don't "take" and moving on, chalking it up to a fail is just smart and self preserving. FWIW, I can't remember ever contacting a man to "check-in" unless there were a couple of dates and some momentum toward a relationship or at least friendship unless there was a real reason to do so.
I understand that the world has changed somewhat and that some women assertively pursue men that they are interested in but I think I'm pretty common in my female response to early relationship happenings. If you like her, call. Thank her for the enjoyable time and make a mutually agreeable time for a second date. Let her choose the venue. You are overthinking this.
You can always tell when the first date went mutually well. As long as it did, you can be confident in asking for the second date soon. You don't have to necessarily have to ask the next day, but assuming you will text her that night or the next day, you can mention you had a good time and look forward to getting to know her some more. Then the next time you call her just have an idea planned. There really isn't a set time period, but if the first date went well probably best to go with the momentum and ask sooner. Of course if it's around a major holiday and you are going out of town or something else comes up that would prevent you from having the next date soon, just explain that and you all can still at least coordinate the next date.
You'll spend the first two days wondering why you haven't heard from him. If you actually like him, you'll either call or text just to say hey I had a great time! Then, like I said, is when he should make the next date. Usually it doesn't even take two days to get the text.
^^^^ You are wrong.
If I start wondering why I haven't heard from him, that's more likely to make me lose interest, than to run after him.
I would NOT, nor do I know any (self-respecting) women who would call him days later to try to get his attention.
Women like to be pursued. Most of us are thrilled to have a guy that we like show that he is interested in getting to know us.
If he doesn't call for a long time, I would (and most women) automatically think he's playing games, and lose interest.
Update to the thread: I called her 48 hours after the first date. No texts in between. She picked up my call. We chatted and set up date Number Two.
As I mentioned, I met her in the grocery store. What I didn't mention is she was there working as a "promotional model" selling products. Yes, I posted a very similar scenario a month or two ago. I met a promotional model at the very same grocery store a while back. We had one date and it never went further. That made me cautious about coming out guns blazing with this gal, even if we do share quite a few common interests.
The challenge with this lady will be her schedule which is atypical from the standard issue 9am to 5pm professional. That is ok with me. Based on my brief experience with her so far, she is sophisticated and classy. Being a promotional model is merely a way to pay the bills while she pursues much bigger goals.
Anyway, I'd never wait 3 to 5 days. That is crazy. Thanks again for all the input.
You are funny to read. I enjoy reading a man's perspective and thought process.
I am female.
I am interpreting from the views of my friends. And I am a bit traditional anyway so I notice those little things, I think it is really cute when men grab the door for you, guide you with a hand on the back, and yes ask for a note to let you know you got home safe.
Those all give you extra points with me. It certainly made me happy when the guy I went out with over the weekend did those things! We haven't talked about any of these things at all. He has no idea I have these preferences, but I noticed it about him straight away.
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