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Because a lack of confidence is unattractive in both men and women. People assume that if you don't feel good about yourself, there's a very good reason for it.
Jeez, just grow a pair, cross the room, and introduce yourself.
A recent comment led to a light bulb moment:
If some women think they can 'fix' bad boys, can't some women also think they can 'fix' shy guys?
And confidence is NOT always warranted. Doesn't unfounded confidence amount basically to arrogance? (Or is that what women find attractive?)
If some women think they can 'fix' bad boys, can't some women also think they can 'fix' shy guys?
And confidence is NOT always warranted. Doesn't unfounded confidence amount basically to arrogance? (Or is that what women find attractive?)
Confidence is someone who is happy with themselves, and not looking for validation. All one needs to be confident is happy with who they are. Anyone having confidence in themselves is warranted, as your opinion of yourself matters more than anyone else's, because you have to live with yourself.
Arrogance goes to a point of someone looking down on others, and blatantly holding themselves over other people. They're not just stopping at being happy with themselves. They're going far as to say they're automatically better than others.
Last edited by HappyRain; 03-10-2016 at 02:37 PM..
If some women think they can 'fix' bad boys, can't some women also think they can 'fix' shy guys?
And confidence is NOT always warranted. Doesn't unfounded confidence amount basically to arrogance? (Or is that what women find attractive?)
You really don't get it. The very fact that you succumb to the entire 'bad boy' notion demonstrates lack of understanding of how women think.
Women don't love 'bad boys' because they're bad. They love 'bad boys' because they are comfortable in their own skin and love life. And they're willing to look beyond whatever manifest flaws these men might have to be with them. Because, once again, quiet confidence is sexy. And people will put up with more to be with a confident guy that they're not propping up all the damned time.
So do yourself a major solid right now. Get the entire bad boy/nice guy dichotomy out of your brain because it it doesn't exist. It's nothing more than an elaborate, feeble construct to rationalize why you don't have a date on Saturday night.
Courage is the foundation of all happiness. If you don't have the courage to be who you are and, even more importantly, like yourself, then you will indeed be a lonely person in life.
I think people like cpg oversimplify shyness (not disagreeing with you by any means but..)
It's not a case of simply 'manning up' and being confident. It's just like anything else in life. You can't go to the gym and put 315 lbs on and expect to bench it, you can't strap on a snowboard and expect to land a cab 5.
Why did it take me nearly the age of 25 to change my views? I was terrified of people In environments where I wasn't confident (Basically everywhere but the ski resort and my home..)
It took 5-6 years of small steps to where I can successfully maintain friendships and get dates regularly. Telling a shy person to man up and introduce themselves is like telling a 95 Lb kid to bench 315 the first time they walk in a gym. It's stupid and could scare him away from the gym forever.
I'm behind the curve socially but I'm doing well everywhere else. People grow up at different rates.
I think people like cpg oversimplify shyness (not disagreeing with you by any means but..)
It's not a case of simply 'manning up' and being confident. It's just like anything else in life. You can't go to the gym and put 315 lbs on and expect to bench it, you can't strap on a snowboard and expect to land a cab 5.
Why did it take me nearly the age of 25 to change my views? I was terrified of people In environments where I wasn't confident (Basically everywhere but the ski resort and my home..)
It took 5-6 years of small steps to where I can successfully maintain friendships and get dates regularly. Telling a shy person to man up and introduce themselves is like telling a 95 Lb kid to bench 315 the first time they walk in a gym. It's stupid and could scare him away from the gym forever.
I'm behind the curve socially but I'm doing well everywhere else. People grow up at different rates.
Nor am I counseling that. But while you can't go to the gym and automatically bench press press 315, you have to go to the gym and start somewhere, right?
My problem is with the poster above (And the guys like him) is that they expect the woman to do all the work in the equation, while they get to do nothing. And how women who don't go out of the way to hang out with a shy guy has some kind of character flaw or something. That's why they hide behind the Nice Guy/Bad Boy mentality. It isn't even shyness. It's passivity.
Hey, breaking out of your own shell is definitely not easy. No, it's not easy to go to a party where you know almost no one. Totally get that. Be there, done that. But sitting back and telling the world, "Hey, I'm shy," but simultaneously declaring how women are wrong for not recognizing one's existence is really narcissistic. It's the equivalent of saying, "I'm right and everyone else is wrong."
Nor am I counseling that. But while you can't go to the gym and automatically bench press press 315, you have to go to the gym and start somewhere, right?
My problem is with the poster above (And the guys like him) is that they expect the woman to do all the work in the equation, while they get to do nothing. And how women who don't go out of the way to hang out with a shy guy has some kind of character flaw or something. That's why they hide behind the Nice Guy/Bad Boy mentality. It isn't even shyness. It's passivity.
Hey, breaking out of your own shell is definitely not easy. No, it's not easy to go to a party where you know almost no one. Totally get that. Be there, done that. But sitting back and telling the world, "Hey, I'm shy," but simultaneously declaring how women are wrong for not recognizing one's existence is really narcissistic. It's the equivalent of saying, "I'm right and everyone else is wrong."
Yeah, that's basically what I said.
I didn't read the whole thread, I just seen the "Man up and introduce yourself" comment. It don't work like that. Ha
Hopefully those guys grow out of their bitterness and decide to make a change for the better. It's like trying to get through to people that have type 2 diabetes with a horrid diet and a sedentary life. They have to want to for themselves or learn to enjoy a miserable life. (My uncle.. Drives me insane)
I didn't read the whole thread, I just seen the "Man up and introduce yourself" comment. It don't work like that. Ha
Hopefully those guys grow out of their bitterness and decide to make a change for the better. It's like trying to get through to people that have type 2 diabetes and a horrid diet and a sedentary life. They have to want to for themselves or learn to enjoy a miserable life.
Because a lack of confidence is unattractive in both men and women. People assume that if you don't feel good about yourself, there's a very good reason for it.
Jeez, just grow a pair, cross the room, and introduce yourself.
yeah, if you are over 25 and can't do that, then don't complain that you never get laid.
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