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Confidence is someone who is happy with themselves, and not looking for validation. All one needs to be confident is happy with who they are. Anyone having confidence in themselves is warranted, as your opinion of yourself matters more than anyone else's, because you have to live with yourself.
Arrogance goes to a point of someone looking down on others, and blatantly holding themselves over other people. They're not just stopping at being happy with themselves. They're going far as to say they're automatically better than others.
Ya, but if you define confidence as someone who thinks highly of themselves, or is proud of who they are, then shyness isn't the same as a lack of confidence. Though obviously I'm sure it's more common generally in those types.
You really don't get it. The very fact that you succumb to the entire 'bad boy' notion demonstrates lack of understanding of how women think.
Women don't love 'bad boys' because they're bad. They love 'bad boys' because they are comfortable in their own skin and love life. And they're willing to look beyond whatever manifest flaws these men might have to be with them. Because, once again, quiet confidence is sexy. And people will put up with more to be with a confident guy that they're not propping up all the damned time.
So do yourself a major solid right now. Get the entire bad boy/nice guy dichotomy out of your brain because it it doesn't exist. It's nothing more than an elaborate, feeble construct to rationalize why you don't have a date on Saturday night.
Courage is the foundation of all happiness. If you don't have the courage to be who you are and, even more importantly, like yourself, then you will indeed be a lonely person in life.
Shrug. I was reacting to someone else's comment which had something to do with women trying to 'fix' (the flaws of) bad boys. I am comfortable in my own skin but don't claim to be or have notions of being better or more qualified than I am.
If some women think they can 'fix' bad boys, can't some women also think they can 'fix' shy guys?
And confidence is NOT always warranted. Doesn't unfounded confidence amount basically to arrogance? (Or is that what women find attractive?)
It's not just women though; it's a pervasive attitude, amongst outgoing types, that shyness and/or introversion is some sort of personality defect or handicap. Rather than mingling with other outgoing people, they choose to try and "fix" the shy or the introverted; god(s) forbid we be left alone to enjoy our quiet conversations and reading in companionable silence.
It's not just women though; it's a pervasive attitude, amongst outgoing types, that shyness and/or introversion is some sort of personality defect or handicap. Rather than mingling with other outgoing people, they choose to try and "fix" the shy or the introverted; god(s) forbid we be left alone to enjoy our quiet conversations and reading in companionable silence.
Agreed. I am not one for big celebration or parties. I prefer more quiet things. I can be comfortable being by myself. But others see me, and come up trying to make small talk, or trying to invite me to a group because they think I look sad, or pathetic, I guess. But I am comfortable. It's them bothering me that makes it uncomfortable lol
I prefer quiet. If I have a get-together, I prefer it be small and intimate - no more than 4 people, with myself included. Rather than a party, or club setting, I'd find it better if I, with some other friends went to a library, museum, coffee house, or park.
So I would probably bore the snot out of an extrovert, or life-of-the-party type. lol But that's cool, and those types would probably tire me out with needing to constantly be on the move, and around large groups of people. So we'd both be mismatched.
If some women think they can 'fix' bad boys, can't some women also think they can 'fix' shy guys?
And confidence is NOT always warranted. Doesn't unfounded confidence amount basically to arrogance? (Or is that what women find attractive?)
An interesting thought. I'd suspect it's because there's more desire to "fix" one over the other.
Re: confidence vs. arrogance. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that people are not as discerning or intuitive as they think they are. So a lot of the time, if you hear either gender dictate something to the effect of "I like A, but not B", and A and B are related....then there's a decent chance they can't notice the difference unless it's REALLY obvious.
An interesting thought. I'd suspect it's because there's more desire to "fix" one over the other.
Re: confidence vs. arrogance. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that people are not as discerning or intuitive as they think they are. So a lot of the time, if you hear either gender dictate something to the effect of "I like A, but not B", and A and B are related....then there's a decent chance they can't notice the difference unless it's REALLY obvious.
Confident people are those that believe in themselves. Arrogance is taking that confidence and making a showy/rude display of how great you think you are, and I don't believe you can confuse the two.
Confident people are those that believe in themselves. Arrogance is taking that confidence and making a showy/rude display of how great you think you are, and I don't believe you can confuse the two.
Technically, that's not the definition of arrogance, it's just a symptom.
To continue your description:
If confidence is people that believe in themselves, then arrogance is people that (inaccurately) believe TOO MUCH in themselves. Sometimes, that results in the showy/rude display that you refer to (the "really obvious" scenario I refer to in my previous post), but often, it does not. It's a subtle, but important distinction. People can believe too strongly in themselves without it manifesting in showy or rude behavior. In fact, many do.
In the cases where it isn't, I'd submit that many people aren't nearly as good at determining the difference as they think they are. I assure that, while people don't CONFUSE the two, they can have difficulty distinguishing between them.
Edit: Because I love examples
A person who is a "6" (in anything....pick something that makes sense. Could be intelligence, could be looks, could be one's ability to play air hockey...doesn't matter), and feels that they're a "6" is not arrogant. A person who is a "4", and feels that they're a "6", is. However, they'll both act like a "6," so it CAN be hard to tell the difference.
It's not just women though; it's a pervasive attitude, amongst outgoing types, that shyness and/or introversion is some sort of personality defect or handicap. Rather than mingling with other outgoing people, they choose to try and "fix" the shy or the introverted; god(s) forbid we be left alone to enjoy our quiet conversations and reading in companionable silence.
People treat introversion and shyness as a disease that needs to be fixed. It's happened to me many times where people try to "change" me. I spoke up and just told them this who I am. People need stop trying to change people and let them be who they are.
Technically, that's not the definition of arrogance, it's just a symptom.
To continue your description:
If confidence is people that believe in themselves, then arrogance is people that (inaccurately) believe TOO MUCH in themselves. Sometimes, that results in the showy/rude display that you refer to (the "really obvious" scenario I refer to in my previous post), but often, it does not. It's a subtle, but important distinction. People can believe too strongly in themselves without it manifesting in showy or rude behavior. In fact, many do.
In the cases where it isn't, I'd submit that many people aren't nearly as good at determining the difference as they think they are. I assure that, while people don't CONFUSE the two, they can have difficulty distinguishing between them.
Edit: Because I love examples
A person who is a "6" (in anything....pick something that makes sense. Could be intelligence, could be looks, could be one's ability to play air hockey...doesn't matter), and feels that they're a "6" is not arrogant. A person who is a "4", and feels that they're a "6", is. However, they'll both act like a "6," so it CAN be hard to tell the difference.
I don't buy into assigning numbers to people, but to use your example, it doesn't matter if you think you are a 4 or 6, it matters what others think you are and if they want to date you as a result of how they perceive you.
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