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Women are now women who are equal. Being a man is not the default setting for society.
And you think that this hasn't changed society? Forget your inner space and think about society in general. When woman are now in combat, heads of offices, you think everything stays the same as it was 20 years ago? Nothing is altered or even destabilized? Police women and in combat are just as aggressive as men today. They suffer the same PTSD as men. That hasn’t changed the dynamics any?
I'm not sure if men do exactly the same thing, but hmm, then again... maybe.
I just think it's illogical for a woman to totally write off a shy male if she herself is a shy person, especially if he at least takes the time to try to talk to her.
I'm talking about women who basically write guys off JUST because they lack confidence or are a bit shy and not for any other reason.
Can you explain exactly how they are writing these guys off?
Has your life really been so bad because of it, or did you overcome it?
I'm a relatively functional human being, so it would be inaccurate to say that my difficulty with people has ruined my life or made it unbearable, but getting to a life that is not ruined and is bearable requires an exhausting amount of effort. I can't say I've overcome anything, so much as learned to live with it.
While I say I'm functional, I'm on the fringes of functionality socially, economically, and professionally. I know I'm bright and capable and reasonably emotionally intelligent, but I can't consistently use those blessings to my benefit. I know that lots of people face bigger, more life altering problems than mine, but then I'm not trying to live their lives.
What gripes me about threads like this, as ill conceived as I think the OP was in starting it, is the response from some people suggesting that people who struggle with shyness or social anxiety, or who haven't fully embraced their introversion (I know those are 3 different things) have simply not tried hard enough. I know in my case my current somewhat messed up life isn't for lack of trying to do better, and people who claim otherwise are full of shyt. Even knowing that people typing things have no real impact on me, it's still irritating because it clarifies the expectations people tend to have which I often can't meet, and their misconceptions.
Having said that, I kind of get where people are coming from. Being more effective often seems tantalizingly close for me. I wake up most days thinking, hoping, that today what almost helped yesterday will help, or today I'll think of some other approach or achieve a mindset or.....or something. I've long ago given up on agonizing over why I am this way, but I replace that with asking myself why I can't make lasting change. I ask myself that every day.
And to be clear, I'm responsible for this. I don't expect anyone to do anything more than treat me with respect, and when people don't, I handle that situation just fine. But when I say I'm responsible, I don't feel like I'm to blame. Like someone with arthritis, for example, who probably did nothing to cause their limitations, that person's difficulty with fine motor tasks is entirely theirs to deal with, but not a moral failing or a character flaw. Likewise with my limitations being mine to deal with but no reflection on who I am beyond someone who doesn't do social well.
The only reading of the OP's request that I'd second, and it's probably not one he intended, would be that if people are going to assume anything about someone who is shy or withdrawn, assume that they know, and that they are trying and have tried to be less withdrawn. Basically, assume good intentions on their part.
You do not understand the basic principles of attraction. No one gets "hot" because a guy engenders our sympathy. If they DO feel sympathy for you, the chances that they would ALSO be turned on by you is unlikely.
Does your arousal level for a woman go up if you feel sorry for them? The problem is you are for some reason assuming female sexual arousal is different than males, but it's not. Women want men they are hot for just like men do.
And rest assured, when a woman wants a man, she will not hesitate to make it known to him in a variety of ways until he gets the picture. Don't worry that you are missing the signs. If she is into you, you will know it, without a doubt. There are not legions of men out there being ignored or rejected because women are "too shy."
I am aware that many women complain about there not being any good men or are irritated by the "losers" (in their words) who approach them on a regular basis. Yet, they refuse to actually talk to the men that they like behind the guise of "it's a man's job to approach." Actually, I think it's because they themselves don't want to be rejected.
So my question is, if they KNOW that no one wants to be rejected, why do so many women write guys off for being shy with women or for "lacking confidence"? You would think that since they obviously have the same issue, they would have more sympathy and understanding, no?
Some women do appreciate shy guys, and do, eventually, do the approaching, once they realize the guy isn't going to do it. Why MORE women aren't like that is the same as why more men don't go for the shy wallflowers. There are a lot of people out there who prefer the confident type, the fun, upbeat and outgoing types. It's human diversity, that's all. Shy people will always be challenged, but sooner or later they usually meet someone who appreciates them, OR they make an effort to change, and improve their chances.
And rest assured, when a woman wants a man, she will not hesitate to make it known to him in a variety of ways until he gets the picture. Don't worry that you are missing the signs. If she is into you, you will know it, without a doubt. There are not legions of men out there being ignored or rejected because women are "too shy."
I'm attracted to the semi-shy guy; the one who acts really nervous around me, but once I get to know him, he's actually quite confident.
This would be me. I met someone last year who saw my slight nervousness (and I was) She and I spoke and I managed to relax and feel at ease with her. Incidentally, she was the one who told me about "establishing eye contact". If I meet someone now, I'm not as nervous. I've learned to relax.
Being shy is not a natural state for a man to be. I used to be shy and never understood it. Men, in general, are meant to be confident, daring, shameless, selfish and aggressive. Those are natural masculine traits, that all women beg for. They may claim otherwise, but there are reasons why its easier for a man serving time in prison to find a girlfriend then 100s of thousands of nice guys, walking streets of western countries today. Women avoid men who aren't masculine, because they do not believe they should reproduce. And they are right. If you are a shy guy, its time to fix it, or continue failing with women.
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