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I see it allot,now recently in my friends marriage where he was never really a workout guy but now does little activity at all,and while hes not obese or really fat at all at all hes gaining some weight and his wife whos always been not fat either but very slighlty overweight has recently started working out runnign mini marathons getting in great shape..
Ever since then i see her lighlty flirting with other people havign more confidence and enjoying newfound compliments.
Do you think its dangerous becasue the person who works out might start to fell he or she can do better then the perosn their currently with whos given up on working out?
It isn't necessarily a bad thing if one works out and the other doesn't but if she's flirting that's a bad thing.
It sounds like he needs to find out if she is unsatisifed with the marriage. If she is, this could be her way of making sure she won't be alone after the break-up.
I knew a couple where neither was very religious. They rarely went to church, although I'm pretty sure they both considered themselves to be Christians. After their kids moved away, the wife started going to church more and soon she became very active with it. But the husband had no interest. As she became more and more involved, I think she started to look at her husband and feel like he was holding her back. I think this sort of thing happens in a lot of marriages and it could be over any number of things. It could be the example I gave about religion. It could be the one the OP gave about being physically active. Maybe one partner develops a passion for theater, but her partner shows no desire to share in that interest. This is just one of the risks with long-term relationships in general. Who you both are when you first get together won't be who you are 10 or 20 years later and if might feel like you're outgrowing the other. That can lead to resentment, kinda like another thread we saw recently where one woman felt intellectually past her husband.
I don't think it would necessarily be a problem unless one partner became obeise and let themselves go. That could very well cause the person who's working to stay in shape and maintain their health to start having second thoughts about their relationship. Generally people who are in the same range of attractiveness end up pairing up. I did know a guy at work who did get a divorce from his wife after quite a few years of marriage and the rumor was that the reason was due to her large weight gain and not taking care of herself.
As others have already said, any major change in the life and habits of one partner that separates them CAN have a bad effect, but it doesn't necessarily lead to problems. The same thing can happen when one continues their education and the other doesn't, starts an new career path, has children or adopts new hobbies and interests.
If the "working out" is done at home, I don't see a problem unless it changes the person to the point that they want to pursue new interests and their partner can't because he/she isn't in shape.
However, I think many times people want to make major changes in their life, including a new partner, and they start that trek with getting themselves into better shape so they can attract someone else. That's a different story; it's not the workouts that cause the split but the impending breakup that sparks the venture towards physical fitness.
No sympathy for this guy from me. He needs to get off the sofa and go with her to the gym, and if he does not, no sympathy when she eventually bins him in favor of a guy who's fit.
Part of my harsh attitude comes from my own ideas and experience - only girls who have the right genes will push beyond 6 on the 10 scale with most guys - but ANY guy, repeat, ANY guy, can hit the gym, hit the road, and get RIPPED. Combine a Greek God type body with a well-sorted career, and some decent clothes, (correct me if I am wrong here gals) you have a guy pushing about 8 even if he's got a mug only his mother could love, no hair, real short, whatever other not-much-in-demand inherited physical charachteristics. Now he can't have an awful attitude or no personality and still pull, but if these are simply not bad, there ya go.
My husband has gained 40 pounds in 2 years. He was overweight when I met him 5 years ago and when we married but now he is obese. I have never been overweight I have a slim athletic figure. I married him not for the way he looks but for him as the best man in the world for me. His weight is now a factor in our marriage because he weighs nearly 300 pounds and the weight is affecting his health. He has neglected his weight for a very long time to the point of ignoring that he has a problem. Today he has taken a small step to losing the weight and is working to lose the extra weight and I would welcome him dropping 100 pounds. I know my husband is a handsome guy under all his extra weight and I wouldn't mind one single bit if he gets some attention from women because he notices when men pay attention to me. The marriage has to be strong to weather any problems, partners can't be jealous of each other it's not healthy.
My husband has gained 40 pounds in 2 years. He was overweight when I met him 5 years ago and when we married but now he is obese. I have never been overweight I have a slim athletic figure. I married him not for the way he looks but for him as the best man in the world for me. His weight is now a factor in our marriage because he weighs nearly 300 pounds and the weight is affecting his health. He has neglected his weight for a very long time to the point of ignoring that he has a problem. Today he has taken a small step to losing the weight and is working to lose the extra weight and I would welcome him dropping 100 pounds. I know my husband is a handsome guy under all his extra weight and I wouldn't mind one single bit if he gets some attention from women because he notices when men pay attention to me. The marriage has to be strong to weather any problems, partners can't be jealous of each other it's not healthy.
My husband has gained 40 pounds in 2 years. He was overweight when I met him 5 years ago and when we married but now he is obese. I have never been overweight I have a slim athletic figure. I married him not for the way he looks but for him as the best man in the world for me. His weight is now a factor in our marriage because he weighs nearly 300 pounds and the weight is affecting his health. He has neglected his weight for a very long time to the point of ignoring that he has a problem. Today he has taken a small step to losing the weight and is working to lose the extra weight and I would welcome him dropping 100 pounds. I know my husband is a handsome guy under all his extra weight and I wouldn't mind one single bit if he gets some attention from women because he notices when men pay attention to me. The marriage has to be strong to weather any problems, partners can't be jealous of each other it's not healthy.
I see it allot,now recently in my friends marriage where he was never really a workout guy but now does little activity at all,and while hes not obese or really fat at all at all hes gaining some weight and his wife whos always been not fat either but very slighlty overweight has recently started working out runnign mini marathons getting in great shape..
Ever since then i see her lighlty flirting with other people havign more confidence and enjoying newfound compliments.
Do you think its dangerous becasue the person who works out might start to fell he or she can do better then the perosn their currently with whos given up on working out?
I think the danger lies more in the guy potentially getting insecure and jealous.
When that happens, the most common reaction is not for the less active partner (male or female) to start working out, but to try to sabotage the fitness-conscious partner's efforts at getting into shape--they want to dine out more, they bring home fattening food, they complain that the other partner's training is taking time away from them, etc. That's when the tension starts, and if the issue isn't resolved in a healthy way, the less active partner may eventually start hurling accusations--"who are you getting in shape for?" This can prompt an unkind response from the fitness-conscious partner--"well, why don't you get off yer arse and join me once in a while?"--and so it goes. I've seen it a lot.
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