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I'm sorry for the rant but I had a lot to say and I didn't make every point but this is as complete and I could make it but I tried.
My husband and I just got married recently. We are both kind of young. I'm 22 and he's 25. We are so happy with each other, anyone would say we are a match make in heaven. But when my husband was 18 he got married and had a kid.
I will be the first one to admit I don't like kids. So I never interacted much with his kid. We realized fairly early that there was just no way I was going to get along with his ex wife and kid. When he asked me to marry him we knew this came with a huge decision on what to do about his kid.
My husband being tied down to the city because of a kid and me wanting to travel the world and teach wasn't going to work. In the end he is going to sign over all parental right to his ex wife and wont be paying child support. (Ex wife agreed to this condition on account they don't get along and been trying to find a new father figure for his son anyways and has been yelling at him to abandon his son for years)
I know his family hates me just for marrying him and having a simple dislike for kids. They say "I will always be nothing" and " nothing I ever do will be as good as his first son." (I just stay away from the whole situation. But I did try to get along with the kid in the beginning) My husbands family will most likely disown us when he signs the papers. I have been told over and over again that I'm evil. As much as this is not ideal I don't think I deserved to told I'm nothing the day before my wedding and continuously reminded nothing I ever do will be good enough.
Not many people know the feeling of being hated so much for loving someone. I want nothing more then to make my husband happy and so far I have been doing a great job. But I also know my faults and would rather admit them then hide them. I did not force my husband into the decision he made. I said I would walk away at anytime if his son would make him more happy.
I know everyone says put the kids first. But in a first marriage no one wants to be put on the back burner right off the bat. A first marriage isn't supposed to be so soul crushing.
I in no way regret the outcome of this situation and our decisions.(other then maybe my in-laws hating me with a passion) But I would like to hear other peoples opinions on this situation. Am i evil for loving someone who has a kid but also wanting to like my life?
So he's going to sign away his kid to please you, because that's what it's about, no?
You don't want kids, you Hate them, you said it yourself...
You knew he had a child, before you married him. Yet you married him anyway...
Quote:
I know everyone says put the kids first. But in a first marriage no one wants to be put on the back burner right off the bat. A first marriage isn't supposed to be so soul crushing.
I want kids of my own. My own family.
And yes I married him. I can't say I'm sorry for loving my husband. And I said I would walk away if that's what he wanted.
It is my post and my feelings so ya its a little about me. I won't deny it. I think this is a difficult situation and I know my opinions and feelings are a more or less rejected social norm.
But I have also extensively talked it over and continually talk about it with my husband. I don't want him to do anything he'll regret or hate me for. He had said he would like the chance to start everything from the beginning and do it right.
The child is only 4-5 years old? Imagine if your stepdaughter was 15 or 18, with an attitude. Or 22 with the "it's all about me" attitude. Step-parenting is not for the faint of heart. A mature woman would know she'd have to be a second fiddle when it concerns his husband and his kids. Not everyone can do such sacrifice. And nothing wrong with admitting you are not cut out to be a stepmother. But on the grand scheme of things, the parent-child relationship is above this parent's second/third/etc. marriages.
This is the most self centered situation I've read in here for a while. In fact, given the whole situation it's downright pathetic. You're not evil, just self centered. Too self centered to ever call what you are doing as love.
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