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I think that you allowed yourself to get too emotionally hung up on this guy, too soon. As hard as you tried to make it work out with this man, the feelings just weren't mutual. It happens. I'm sorry that you are hurting right now, but trust me, you can do a lot better.
I am certain that as a young woman, there are plenty of men who would be eager to have your time and attention. Those are the men whom you should be dating. Let this one go gracefully, keep your dignity, and don't look back. There are more suitable men in your future. Good luck!
Thanks to all of you who have contributed your thoughts to this thread. Much appreciated! Some of your comments are pretty harsh and I guess I badly need them as a wake-up call.... I will not deny that part of me still secretly hopes that one day I will run into him and he will tell me how much he regrets the past and wants to work it out I am a big fool, I know what perhaps confuses me the most is that he had actually waited for several months for me to return from abroad and later told me how much he had been missing me, how infinitely long those months seemed without me. He seemed to want to be with me. Maybe it's the fact that he does not see things in long term as I would need to move out of the state for job purposes - but then why would he tell me that he was planning a romantic getaway over the coming break? I know, I should stop torturing myself here, but these things just make no sense to me and hurt like hell...
Thanks to all of you who have contributed your thoughts to this thread. Much appreciated! Some of your comments are pretty harsh and I guess I badly need them as a wake-up call.... I will not deny that part of me still secretly hopes that one day I will run into him and he will tell me how much he regrets the past and wants to work it out I am a big fool, I know what perhaps confuses me the most is that he had actually waited for several months for me to return from abroad and later told me how much he had been missing me, how infinitely long those months seemed without me. He seemed to want to be with me. Maybe it's the fact that he does not see things in long term as I would need to move out of the state for job purposes - but then why would he tell me that he was planning a romantic getaway over the coming break? I know, I should stop torturing myself here, but these things just make no sense to me and hurt like hell...
Yes, it makes no sense. Maybe he's schizoid. On-again, off-again. In any case, it's beyond you, or us, to figure out, so you'll just have to let it go. If you're in college, consider going to the counseling center to vent and talk it out with someone. That might help you process it and get past it. It's a FREE service, the only time in your life that you'll have FREE psych services available to you. Just saying. Good luck, OP. This, too, shall pass.
I think this boils down to a common issue in relationships. We have needs and expectations yet we don't communicate them so we leave the other person at a disadvantage. It's a communication issue. We need to share what we expect and hope. If we don't we can't expect the other person to read our mind.
In plain English. He had expectations he did not share with you and expected you to fulfill them without knowing what they were.
Thanks to all of you who have contributed your thoughts to this thread. Much appreciated! Some of your comments are pretty harsh and I guess I badly need them as a wake-up call.... I will not deny that part of me still secretly hopes that one day I will run into him and he will tell me how much he regrets the past and wants to work it out I am a big fool, I know
Then find the man who will be a big fool with you.
Quote:
what perhaps confuses me the most is that he had actually waited for several months for me to return from abroad and later told me how much he had been missing me, how infinitely long those months seemed without me. He seemed to want to be with me. Maybe it's the fact that he does not see things in long term as I would need to move out of the state for job purposes - but then why would he tell me that he was planning a romantic getaway over the coming break? I know, I should stop torturing myself here, but these things just make no sense to me and hurt like hell...
Perhaps he was hoping for sex during this "romantic" getaway. Either way, he's shown himself to be unworthy for this conquest.
Why would you want to try to be with someone that treats you this way?
Your question is perfectly legitimate - well, he was not like this to start with. I think he tried to put in some effort, he tried to be kind, affectionate, attentive up to a point when something somewhere snapped. I still wonder what it was but most likely I will never find out. Getting it from him is virtually impossible at this point since he blames me for everything bad that has happened. Not even once over the past months he has ever acknowledged any sort of blame or wrongdoing from his side. Likewise, when he provided me with a version of his divorce, he never ever admitted playing a role in this, all was his ex-wife's fault. (This just struck me following our fall-out...)
Stay busy, get exercise, get fresh air, pick up a hobby, take an interesting class...do not be available for him to contact. Do not mope for more than a few days, eat some ice cream, & go talk to someone at the counseling office or write yourself a letter and burn it. Get it out and get on with your life. Good luck.
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I am a big fool, I know 
