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That is kinda harsh saying that I am still obese . Once you are in the 200 range and away from the 300 that is very good progress even when I was at the doctor and had my last physical he congratulated me on hitting the goal of work in loosing the weight of where I started and that I am still at it. Rap person can't loose a ton of weight over night and it takes slot of work and time. If a woman dumps a guy because of the weight she is a very rude person and has personality problems. A good friend of mine told me that there are women even in late 20s and early 30s would like me and would take a chance. It all comes down to her personality and upbringing. If she has a heart and looks on the inside more than the out she is worthy of being with me. He told me also to avoid women who just look on the outside at all costs because if they are like that they an be a total nightmare for a partner in a relationship and a lot has to do with her upbringing and what kind of family she comes from.
I am NOT saying you haven't done an amazing and impressive thing! You have. But, just saying, even at your top weight you could have found someone. And maybe it wouldn't even be hard. But chances are she wouldn't have been conventionally attractive. Or even emotionally 'typical'. If you desire something more secure, you will keep going till you get closer to 200. Maybe 220 if the extra 20 is all muscle. And... you can't avoid women "who just look on the outside...", they all do. If they can. It was no accident that my wife is blind. I wanted a person who didn't judge a person on visuals, and that is exactly what I got.
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People can and do have healthy children NATURALLY in the 30s and 40s (and even beyond). If he and his (eventual) spouse are capable then why are you so concerned?
Everyone does not want to or are not ready (financially/emotionally/etc.) to have children in their 20s. I would rather have a child with a guy who was mature and stable at age 41 than a guy who is immature and irresponsible at age 25.
There was a woman who sued her mother because her mother had a child, at 53 y.o. that the younger woman knew she would have to finish raising when her mother became too old to do it herself. Just because people CAN do a thing doesn't mean they SHOULD. There really is an optimum time for things like child rearing. You CAN do it outside of society's accepted parameters. It is absolutely a person's RIGHT to do whatever they feel like doing. Should they? I don't know... I was just thinking out loud.
There was a woman who sued her mother because her mother had a child, at 53 y.o. that the younger woman knew she would have to finish raising when her mother became too old to do it herself. Just because people CAN do a thing doesn't mean they SHOULD. There really is an optimum time for things like child rearing. You CAN do it outside of society's accepted parameters. It is absolutely a person's RIGHT to do whatever they feel like doing. Should they? I don't know... I was just thinking out loud.
My parents were in their very late 30s when they had me and my mom can STILL run circles around me with her fitness and energy level.
People can and do have healthy children NATURALLY in the 30s and 40s (and even beyond). If he and his (eventual) spouse are capable then why are you so concerned?
My aunt was 42 when she had her youngest. She was shocked to find out she was pregnant. He was perfectly healthy.
I'm 41. One of my high school classmates has a one year old, another has a toddler and a newborn and an third just announced she's pregnant for the first time. These are all woman my age, being they were classmates. I wouldn't want to do it at this age but more power to them!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mounts Love n Optimal
Demographics:
41 years old. Will women 29 to his age still find him as a great canidate?
29 might not simply because that's a 12 year age difference and could find you to be at a different stage in life.
As for finding someone in general, I have friends who are older than me. Now, these are not first marriages, but it does show that you can find love at any age. Yesterday was the 20th anniversary of two of my friends. In February, we celebrated her 70th birthday, which means she was 50 when they got married. Another friend of mine met her husband, who she says is absolutely the love of her life, when she was 42. A third friend turned 67 recently and is like a teenager in love with her boyfriend of just under a year. My 45 year old friend recently said she was thankful to have love in her life again - he's 60.
However, I didn't note where you live, but in this area, 35-45 is pretty much a dead zone when it comes to dating. Four more years (well, closer to 3, actually and my luck should change).
I am NOT saying you haven't done an amazing and impressive thing! You have. But, just saying, even at your top weight you could have found someone. And maybe it wouldn't even be hard. But chances are she wouldn't have been conventionally attractive. Or even emotionally 'typical'. If you desire something more secure, you will keep going till you get closer to 200. Maybe 220 if the extra 20 is all muscle. And... you can't avoid women "who just look on the outside...", they all do. If they can. It was no accident that my wife is blind. I wanted a person who didn't judge a person on visuals, and that is exactly what I got.
Well as my friends are telling me women who are just for the visual aren't worth my time. A person that wants you for what is on the inside you can never go wrong with. Plus the woman who are visual shouldn't talk too loud they can look all like Cinderella but over time their look fade with age or can experience medical issues. I am not the type to dump a woman if her looks fade or if she has medical issues I wasn't brought up that way. They women who imply judgement also had a disturbing upbringing and come from a dysfunctional family and this is what my friends tell me and it seems to be a fact based on some women I dated or tried to date they came from avdysfunctional family
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mounts Love n Optimal
Well as my friends are telling me women who are just for the visual aren't worth my time. A person that wants you for what is on the inside you can never go wrong with. Plus the woman who are visual shouldn't talk too loud they can look all like Cinderella but over time their look fade with age or can experience medical issues. I am not the type to dump a woman if her looks fade or if she has medical issues I wasn't brought up that way. They women who imply judgement also had a disturbing upbringing and come from a dysfunctional family and this is what my friends tell me and it seems to be a fact based on some women I dated or tried to date they came from avdysfunctional family
You know, I heard this a ton and bought into it. I changed my body for my own reasons. Lost a lot of weight, added alot of muscle to shoulders, etc and it totally changed my options. There is little out there like finding someone where your minds meet, and then have them run their arms down your tricep over the evening and say something nice about your body when you're together. That never happened in my 20s and most of my 30s.
And... just saying.. 275 is still pretty big. Works against guys more than it does against women. FWIW
I don't agree with this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
He can find someone, but he is still a very large man. As long as he isn't hung up on looks/size there is someone out there for him.
At 6'5", 275 isn't that bad. Definitely overweight, and of course losing some more (as mentioned, he is) would help both his health and his dating life, but would have a description of "stocky" more than "fat". I didn't check OP's location, but in areas like the midwest, it's almost average
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
I get more 35-38 yo women messaging me at 44 than I did at 38-39, that's for sure.
I don't doubt this. For a guy looking to get married, 40-ish seems almost PRIME. While I don't intend to get married, my options are FAR more wide open at 36 than they ever were, and I don't see it slowing down any time soon.
Family is a slightly different story, and more of a personal decision on the OP's part.
Also, congrats on the weight loss, OP. That's pretty amazing.
40's is a bad game changer for finding women in their 30's to have kids with. Its rough. Its like that "4" in front of your age means you're suddenly too old, even if you were 39 last week. Its insane, at least in the online dating world. I know I'm done. But the weight thing is important just for general health. Focus on that and just forget about the family thing. Thats the advice I've received from many on here, which is its no longer possible after 40 to have that dream of being a father unless you want to raise someone else's kids. You can find love only if you severely lower your standards.
Can you give examples of how he might lower his standards?
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