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My BF from high school has waited 56 years so far.
When I was deploying I was away from females for 105 days at a time. I completed 17 deployments during my career. There have been a few times when I have had to wait a couple years.
That isn't dating. That's hanging out with a buddy.
It doesn't matter whether you consider it dating or not. There are people who choose to date for months without sex, and they consider themselves to be in a romantic relationship.
yeah, isn't that something? Not to mention, it is extremely rare to find a woman that will not sleep with a guy if the guy knows what he is doing, and all circumstances are there. As you mention, many will sleep with other man the moment they meet, while having the good guys wait around for months at a time. haha, poor suckers.
And I still have a hard time believing this. Sex right away with a loser is ok, but when you meet a quality guy who you're sexually attracted to, you'd make him wait for months? I don't think so. I can see making a "nice guy" who you're not really sexually attracted to wait for months, but not anyone who you're sexually attracted to.
That's a fair choice to make, and since it works for you, great.
But the issue I have with that notion is conceptually that sex can't be both special or non special. People can have casual sex and nothing about that precludes them or prevents them having special sex with someone they adore.
Sex with someone you're in love with is special and amazing. There is nothing that compares in my opinion. Casual, or more casual sex with other people doesn't change that. And not having that sex doesn't make that special sex happen.
In fact, and here I'm just speaking for my experiences, but the woman I fell in love with last year started as a casual ONS. If I wasn't open to that occurring, I would never have connected with someone I fell for.
Different strokes, right? Casual sex does nothing for me and seems to be more drama and headaches than it's worth (at least in my experience). The type of person and personalty I am attracted to is like me and isn't into casual sex. But you are different and are different in a different type. I think you and I have already figured out you are more liberal and modern and I am more conservative and old fashion.
The big take away from all this is I think you can't assume someone's interest in you or lack of interest in you based on when they are ready to have sex. I have a relationship with someone wonderful because I waited a few months for their timetable. I ended up with someone very sweet, loyal, loving (and very adventurous in bed). You found a relationship with someone perfect for your from a ONS.
I wonder how many of us missed out on great people because of our assumptions? That includes me as well. Of course, in the end, if we all find someone and are happy with the results (I know I am), our strategies don't matter. I think where it could matter is to those who are unlucky in finding love. If they can't find someone, maybe they shouldn't write others off too quickly for over interest in sex (give it up too soon) or seemingly lack of interest in sex early on (waiting).
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
It doesn't matter whether you consider it dating or not. There are people who choose to date for months without sex, and they consider themselves to be in a romantic relationship.
I can consider myself to be President of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TMBGBlueCanary
I wonder how many of us missed out on great people because of our assumptions? That includes me as well. Of course, in the end, if we all find someone and are happy with the results (I know I am), our strategies don't matter. I think where it could matter is to those who are unlucky in finding love. If they can't find someone, maybe they shouldn't write others off too quickly for over interest in sex (give it up too soon) or seemingly lack of interest in sex early on (waiting).
I would say few to none of us. I mean, they might be great people for sure, but certainly they weren't the right person for me. And I wouldn't be the right person for them.
But personally I can' only platonically "date" for so long. I want to know if a relationship has potential, and I want to, if it does, see if an emotional bond can form (sadly I've dated great people where I don't form that bond, that happens or it doesn't)... if that bond isn't formed or can't seem to form then the relationship has no legs. Sexual intimacy is critical (for me) to form that bond or to ever fall for someone. Without it, it is hanging out with an awesome friend (which is a bond, but a different type of bond)... which is cool, but it isn't dating.
The longest was during my first marriage - nearly 2 years towards the end. Before and after there was very little waiting involved, ever. And I'll never wait more than a month or so ever again before moving on.
sex so quickly in the relationship most commonly results in the end of the relationship. It is rare a relationship lasts if people jump into sex very quickly into the relationship.
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