Having Children and Age... (marrying, woman, younger, 2015)

[jrfitz]

My wife and I were on the same page we got together when I was 19 and she was 21 and we weren't ready so we went out and partied and had tons of fun then when I was 21 and she was 23 we had our son and we were happy to stay home and relax and not have that "itch" to go out and party and we are now 27 and 30 and we have every friday night off as the kids go to their grandparents and we get take out and relax in bed all night.

I believe you both have to agree when to have children or else someone is going to have resentment towards the other.

[TabulaRasa]

My thoughts on the situation:

This is one of the few areas where you need to be on EXACTLY the same page as your partner, or someone will always be resentful of someone.

[RunD1987]

Not sure where it's going to go from here. Fiancé is depressed crying sad. Overwhelmed with school and feeling that she will never bear children that at her age now her time has passed.

Sigh not sure what to do.

[NewbieHere]

It's not clear how old you and your fiancé. But I didn't have my first child until age 31 and second child at age 36. I took care of myself, I was a health nut, got pregnant within one month of wanting to get pregnant . So it depends on the person. To be honest, my career never recovered after the first kid. But I had about 10 years of working before the first child.

[TabulaRasa]

I had my first at 38, no problems at all conceiving.

[MissClutterbuck]

Originally Posted by RunD1987

Not sure where it's going to go from here. Fiancé is depressed crying sad. Overwhelmed with school and feeling that she will never bear children that at her age now her time has passed.

Sigh not sure what to do.

Her time has passed? She's only in her 20s. If she was in her late 30s I could understand. She's either being dramatic or is woefully uneducated about the female reproductive system as well as the state of the economy today. Kids are expensive. Tell her that 18 months is not going to make any damn difference.

[Majesticmarmocet]

Has your fiance been checked out by a doctor? If your fiance is concerned why not go see a obgyn for information? They will take her family history into account and run tests if they feel any are necessary. If there is a genuine medical reason for not waiting then you can start planning for things to happen sooner rather than later. The doctor could of course have good news for her as well.

[kimbo28]

Originally Posted by jrfitz

My wife and I were on the same page we got together when I was 19 and she was 21 and we weren't ready so we went out and partied and had tons of fun then when I was 21 and she was 23 we had our son and we were happy to stay home and relax and not have that "itch" to go out and party and we are now 27 and 30 and we have every friday night off as the kids go to their grandparents and we get take out and relax in bed all night.

I believe you both have to agree when to have children or else someone is going to have resentment towards the other.

Your wife seems to be aging more quickly than you.

[JasperJade]

Originally Posted by RunD1987

Fiancé and I are marrying next year. Fiancé is finishing college at the end of college next year. Will then return shortly after a 6 month hiatus to advance her degree. Myself I am in school interminably planning to return full time and work part time in next 18/20 month's.

We're planning to live in a off unit part of my future MIL place where only playing $300 of rent a month, food, and utilities. Additionally, when my fiancé finishes college probably make about $25 an hour about $3 more an hour than myself.

As of right now combined bills is about $1500 a month.

Fiancé flips back and forth wanting kid's right after the wedding. I told my fiancé what about waiting till we finish college and more stable.

I mean if we have kids in between I be okay with that.

Fiancé is upset that I want to wait for kid's till 30/31.

What's your thoughts on the situation?

Don't get married until you get this sorted out.

And buy and put on your own condoms.

[2mares]

Originally Posted by Majesticmarmocet

Has your fiance been checked out by a doctor? If your fiance is concerned why not go see a obgyn for information? They will take her family history into account and run tests if they feel any are necessary. If there is a genuine medical reason for not waiting then you can start planning for things to happen sooner rather than later. The doctor could of course have good news for her as well.

^^^^Do this.

I know two couples who went ahead and started trying to get prego before they tied the knot. One was medical reason, afraid if they waited she couldn't conceive and my brother whose wife said if they waited she might change her mind about another child (she already had one, he didnt). Kind of different circumstances but both couples are still married after 20+ years.