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I am a 33 year old male. I start to feel guilty when someone gives me crap about being my age and single because most people my age are married. I really want to be committed to someone, as it has been five years since my last relationship. I like being single most of the time but it is nice to share your life with someone and have someone support you thru ups and downs. I am afraid of being married because most people cheat and you never really know who you are marrying because some people change for the worst after getting married, but you know what the vows say, "for better or worse". I would be afraid the person would start being verbally abusive or start playing games, which happened in my last two relationships. Plus, I would want to leave once the other person decides they don't want to be affectionate anymore, which seems to happen in all relationships if you stay with someone long enough.
I know nothing in life is supposed to be easy but marriage is way too hard and often times your partner will learn your buttons and constantly push them to create drama. I want commitment but not drama, but both go hand and hand. Most couples who have been together 20+ years seem to fight all the time and hate each other but some just stay together for the convenience. I don't believe in living together without being married because I was not raised that way and my family is somewhat religious, so I would feel guilty. Its either marriage or nothing and I would feel like I missed out if I never married.
I feel pressure to settle down because of my age. My brother lost out on a promotion in his mid thirties because he was not married and the company felt that because he wasn't married with children (he is 47 now and still single) he wasn't "stable" enough to be in management. My point by saying that is that single people are looked down upon in and out of the workforce after a certain age. UGH I don't want to end up bitter
I don't understand this. I didn't marry until after 35. No one ever "gave me crap". No one. No one looked down on me at work. Hell I was able to do FAR more at work, being single and unattached, than those that had family ties. I traveled overseas and was able to take advantage of all sorts of opportunities that I could not have, if I had had a family. Who are these people? And why would you continue to hang around anyone that would even care about such a silly thing?
I don't understand this. I didn't marry until after 35. No one ever "gave me crap". No one. No one looked down on me at work. Hell I was able to do FAR more at work, being single and unattached, than those that had family ties. I traveled overseas and was able to take advantage of all sorts of opportunities that I could not have, if I had had a family. Who are these people? And why would you continue to hang around anyone that would even care about such a silly thing?
These people are people I work with. But hopefully it won't be an issue for much longer because I have gone thru all kinds of harassment at this job and I am planning on changing jobs/careers soon, anyway.
I will be honest with you. It doesn't sound like you're ready to get married. You THINK you are, but from your post, I don't think so.
Here's what you wrote that concerns me:
1. Your past two relationships failed because the person "was verbally abusive and playing games." The common denomenator here is YOU. You're choosing the wrong type of woman from the get go. And it seems you've had your fair share of drama and don't like it, but yet choose women who perpetuate it.
2. Your sweeping assumption that most couples who've been together 20+ years means you're essentially looking to enter a marriage waiting for the other shoe to drop. A woman does not want a potential husband with this mindset. Is that true? Is that honestly what you believe? Because if that is honestly what you believe, that will become your reality.
3. The sense of pressure you feel is palpable and no doubt would come accross to women when you are interested in them. You might not think you're letting on, but women are extremely uncanny at detecting needy, insecure men who move too quickly. If no flags go up for her, then one should for YOU, because something's off with her (see #1).
4. You say you want commitment but not drama. Do you expect a lifetime of peaches, roses and lollipops? There will be hard times. There will be extremely devestating blows to your marriage. There will be other times when you feel blessed beyond words. There's peaks and valleys in any long-term relationship, and unless you're prepared to brace yourself and hang on for WHATEVER comes, marriage is not for you. This INCLUDES if she doesn't want to be affectionate (because intimacy ebbs and flows also), gains weight, loses weight, etc. Women want a solid rock they can feel safe with at the end of the day, not a man who's got one foot out the door because "what if." A quality woman will reciprocate the values you share and at the end of the day, there is no fear that she's a game player.
Find yourself a woman with values, who doesn't present herself cheaply and can hold an intelligent conversation. 33 is not old to be single/never married. And I don't know what you do for work, but they needn't know about your personal relationship status. If you mention extra information that's beyond what your job requires, that's on you.
You just haven't met the right person. Don't settle. The right person for you I believe would make you want to commit.
I'm a 31F. It's worse for single women by age than single men IMO. People look at us like we are single because something is wrong with us (people on CD have basically said single women in their 30s are single for a reason....), whereas a single men in this group is a cool, bachelor (love double standards).
I hear you though with what you are saying about promotions. I think coworkers want to hear you are a "family man/woman" versus a single professional.
I will be honest with you. It doesn't sound like you're ready to get married. You THINK you are, but from your post, I don't think so.
Here's what you wrote that concerns me:
1. Your past two relationships failed because the person "was verbally abusive and playing games." The common denomenator here is YOU. You're choosing the wrong type of woman from the get go. And it seems you've had your fair share of drama and don't like it, but yet choose women who perpetuate it.
2. Your sweeping assumption that most couples who've been together 20+ years means you're essentially looking to enter a marriage waiting for the other shoe to drop. A woman does not want a potential husband with this mindset. Is that true? Is that honestly what you believe? Because if that is honestly what you believe, that will become your reality.
3. The sense of pressure you feel is palpable and no doubt would come accross to women when you are interested in them. You might not think you're letting on, but women are extremely uncanny at detecting needy, insecure men who move too quickly. If no flags go up for her, then one should for YOU, because something's off with her (see #1).
4. You say you want commitment but not drama. Do you expect a lifetime of peaches, roses and lollipops? There will be hard times. There will be extremely devestating blows to your marriage. There will be other times when you feel blessed beyond words. There's peaks and valleys in any long-term relationship, and unless you're prepared to brace yourself and hang on for WHATEVER comes, marriage is not for you. This INCLUDES if she doesn't want to be affectionate (because intimacy ebbs and flows also), gains weight, loses weight, etc. Women want a solid rock they can feel safe with at the end of the day, not a man who's got one foot out the door because "what if." A quality woman will reciprocate the values you share and at the end of the day, there is no fear that she's a game player.
Find yourself a woman with values, who doesn't present herself cheaply and can hold an intelligent conversation. 33 is not old to be single/never married. And I don't know what you do for work, but they needn't know about your personal relationship status. If you mention extra information that's beyond what your job requires, that's on you.
I am also 33, married 7 years, together 10.
You make some good points. I am not looking for something perfect but what I meant about drama is that it shouldn't be constant. I don't want to be with someone who isn't content unless there is a lot of drama in a relationship but most of the people I meet act like this. Also, I understand someone may not want to be affectionate all the time. No one does. However, it shouldn't be something that happens all day, every day for years and years.
You make some good points. I am not looking for something perfect but what I meant about drama is that it shouldn't be constant. I don't want to be with someone who isn't content unless there is a lot of drama in a relationship but most of the people I meet act like this. Also, I understand someone may not want to be affectionate all the time. No one does. However, it shouldn't be something that happens all day, every day for years and years.
Been married for 43 years .I have NEVER seen them argue...they probably just waited til me and my siblings weren't around, but they don't act like they can't stand each other.
Been married for 43 years .I have NEVER seen them argue...they probably just waited til me and my siblings weren't around, but they don't act like they can't stand each other.
So, where did you pessimistic ideas come from, if not from watching your parents?
So, where did you pessimistic ideas come from, if not from watching your parents?
My own experiences, friends, co-workers. Besides my parents and a couple of other couples in my family, I haven't really had too many positive role models.
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