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This woman gets mad at you and screams that she hates you. RRRRRRRUUUUUUUNNNNNNN! If she was 18, you could think she might mature. At almost 30, this is her for life.
What does it take for you to get a clear picture of what life with her will be like?
A messy, expensive divorce is in your future, with child support and visitation rights thrown in (I know you said you want to put off having children until you are financially ready - but I guarantee you she will come up pregnant). Or you can bail now.
Dude, if she's your fiance and it's already this rocky I think it might be time to sit down for an agonizing reappraisal of the entire scene.
Do you really think things are going to get easier when you've solidified your relationship with a legally binding contract? Talk about pressure!
I know every relationship has its rough patches and I don't know you or your fiance. That being said, as a strange third party observer I have to say that, superficially, your relationship looks like it is in serious need of either restructuring or dissolution. Id est, you guys could destroy (or at least severely encumber) your entire lives if you aren't careful.
You could have a nasty divorce and turn into those awful bitter exes nobody wants to talk to. And she wants kids? Good luck raising them properly when you are constantly squabbling about hypothetical infidelities and deciding whether or not to talk to one another. Remember, kids aren't a game, they are larval stage humans that will learn from your actions whether you want them to or not. There's no return policy on 'em either, that ****e's fo life!
I made the mistake of sticking with a relationship out of hardheadedness. I KNEW she was the "one" and I just had to make it work. Thank god I finally broke off the engagement before we got married cause looking back, it would've been a trainwreck. We fought about the stupidest garbage--you wouldn't even believe it. "Love" and long-term relationships can seriously distort your perception of reality. If there is anything you take away from my post, it should be that last sentence.
You two need to think about the reality of what your married life would be. Could you coexist until you died? That's literally what would have to happen. Think about it from a genuinely unbiased perspective and think hard. Do you guys function well under pressure? Do feel comfortable with the idea of giving up yourself as a sovereign entity and melding your life with this woman's? If your gut tells you anything, whether that be yes, no, maybe, whatever!, it's probably correct. Relationships go much deeper than rationality, they delve into subconscious areas of your mind that are hard to intellectualize, I say go with gravity.
Sorry for being so negative, it's just a very serious decision and I don't like the idea of two people being miserable if they don't have to be. Only you and your fiance know your relationship, take my input with a grain of salt. I meant no disrespect.
Look at it this way: you are getting a sneak peak at how she reacts to stressful life obstacles, and what happens when she doesn't get her way. She is showing you exactly who she is. Choose wisely.
This actually makes a lot of sense. I’d go into it with this mentality if you really want to fight for the relationship. Although, with all the issues you’ve been having, you would have to give strong consideration towards ending it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Remember, this should be the BEST time in your lives, full of romance and excitement about the coming marriage to the person you love above all others. Marriage doesn't make problems go away; it magnifies them.
So, of all the various stages that romantic relationships have, are you saying that the engagement stage is the best one? I’m intrigued, as I have not been engaged or married.
So, of all the various stages that romantic relationships have, are you saying that the engagement stage is the best one? I’m intrigued, as I have not been engaged or married.
Yeah, in terms of anticipation and hope and optimism and plain, ol' eagerness.
They should be thrilled to approach the next phase of their lives together, not calling each other selfish and "trying to salvage" the relationship.
Marriage (and life) has LOTS of phases, and they aren't all good. But how in the world will she treat him during a truly terrible phase (like a serious illness or job loss) if during the supposedly blissful engagement phase she's calling her fiance selfish because she's too dumb to understand that she won't suddenly "stop making eggs" at 30?
Yeah, in terms of anticipation and hope and optimism and plain, ol' eagerness.
They should be thrilled to approach the next phase of their lives together, not calling each other selfish and "trying to salvage" the relationship.
Marriage (and life) has LOTS of phases, and they aren't all good. But how in the world will she treat him during a truly terrible phase (like a serious illness or job loss) if during the supposedly blissful engagement phase she's calling her fiance selfish because she's too dumb to understand that she won't suddenly "stop making eggs" at 30?
It seems to me like the OP should depart now because of all the trouble he's having now. I think you're that the things would get worse over time. If this relationship ends now, the OP will have gotten out at a decent time. Certainly, he would probably need to make some adjustments in his own life, but it keeps the damage minimal if he departs now. The writing is the wall that things get worse.
And, you give me hope if I ever get engaged. My relationships life has been centered around the early stages (the meeting, early dates, determining exclusivity, etc) and the boyfriend/girlfriend pre-engagement stage. Definitely prefer the boyfriend/girlfriend pre-engagement stage to the early stages.
Did I read upthread she's a nurse? What kind of nurse would say this? This is absolutely incorrect. You are born with all the eggs you will ever have. Does she mean "stop ovulating" at 30? Which would also be very incorrect.
Did I read upthread she's a nurse? What kind of nurse would say this? This is absolutely incorrect. You are born with all the eggs you will ever have. Does she mean "stop ovulating" at 30? Which would also be very incorrect.
She said she would "have no more eggs by 30" but either way, if she's using her "eggs" as a reason to get married, it ain't good.
She sounds like a peach. What could possibly go wrong?
No, in all seriousness, for your own future's sake, you need to reevaluate this relationship. She has repeatedly shown you her true character with how she overreacts to small things. What on earth is she going to do when something truly life changing happens? Honestly you're in for a world of miserable hurt if you marry this girl. She is not marriage material by anyone's standards!
Didn't you post a thread awhile ago about how upset she got when you started questioning about her wanting to deviate from the original plan about education? She reacted poorly and was very passive aggressive. In this thread, we're seeing the continuation of those traits. Honestly, it looks like you're going to need to step back and start assessing the relationship itself; you guys don't really have a good communication skills with each other, and she's the type of person who overreacts and gets passive aggressive. She's also being punitive when she gives you the silent treatment.
FWIW, you're right about her not being able to handle the full load of her education and job. Judging by this thread, she doesn't have the emotional capacity.
Start seeking premarital counseling NOW.
Last edited by Inkpoe; 11-28-2015 at 09:44 AM..
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My relationships life has been centered around the early stages (the meeting, early dates, determining exclusivity, etc) and the boyfriend/girlfriend pre-engagement stage. Definitely prefer the boyfriend/girlfriend pre-engagement stage to the early stages.
