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I am just worried if I am a filler, or if I am void, and he actually is in love with his deceased ex. My boyfriend's first love was my friend too. They fought like cat and dog though. They dated for three years but then remained platonic friends for the next 7 years. They always fought though, and it was ridiculous. It was like immature, brother, sister fighting. However a few weeks before she died she said to him. (At the time me and him were kinda heading the relationship route) she said to him "if we are both single at the age of 30, will you marry me then?" He didn't give her an answer, and shrugged it off.
She died 4 months ago. I know it's wrong but I saw a text convo he was having with a girl, and he said "I know how you feel, my first love died, and said if we both were single at 30 if I would marry her. I shrugged it off, but I would have cause she's always been there for me. She was a beautiful person." Should I be worried about that considering I am his girlfriend now, and we have been dating for the past 5 months now, and he said this just a week ago to this girl? What's weird is that he didn't want me to be around her, and he said she would ruin our relationship and he wanted me to cut her out, but i refused too. So it's strange to me that he says he would marry her. I dont know if he's secretly in love with her? Or if i should let it go? Tell me what you think? Thanks.
Also he chased me for 7 months and I wouldn't budge because I was doing my own thing, when we were heading for a relationship though, he told me to cut her out, and that she'll ruin our relationship. The night she died.... me and him got into an argument about that, and he sped off and left because he said it's either him or her, and I said I wasn't going to dump my friend for a guy so it is weird how he would say that. I don't know just giving more details.
Sounds like he will always love her. But life is for the living. You are not in competition with a ghost--she is gone and you are here. She can't take him from you; only your own insecurity can do that. It is particularly beautiful that you both loved her. You should understand his feelings for her better than just about anyone.
Wow... I'm sorry for your loss. Doesn't sound like you gained anything by being with this guy. He sounds like a jerk honestly. I know how it is losing a best friend at a young age, how the aftermath can change the way you feel and look at everything.. Knowing his history with her, I'd find that "relationship" a very awkward and uncomfortable place to be while grieving... Again, I'm so sorry for your loss..
I wouldn't worry about it. When I was 18 a friend of mine died in a work-related auto incident. He was all people could talk about for a couple weeks afterward. This guy was pretty mean to most people. I considered him a friend through playing sports together from 3rd grade through HS, but he was such a bully/jack ass to 95% of people. He was just relatively nice to me because I was bigger than him.
Hearing the things people said about him during the aftermath of his death.... I still have a headache 10 years later from all the intense, involuntary eye-rolls. People were going so over the top it was just ridiculous. "He was so sweet. Best person I've ever met. Such a kind heart... etc..."
No one would have EVER said these things about him before he passed. He was a narcissistic prick that no one could stand to be around except for his close friends. He knew this, I'm not just smearing him.. lol.
Point is that people can go over the top re: deceased friends/acquaintances and people can say things for the benefit of their reputation.
Why would he have shrugged her off at the time if he would have done it? He was just in an emotional state when he sent the text, probably within the context of whatever that girl said to make him say "I know how you feel...."
I am just worried if I am a filler, or if I am void, and he actually is in love with his deceased ex. My boyfriend's first love was my friend too. They fought like cat and dog though. They dated for three years but then remained platonic friends for the next 7 years. They always fought though, and it was ridiculous. It was like immature, brother, sister fighting. However a few weeks before she died she said to him. (At the time me and him were kinda heading the relationship route) she said to him "if we are both single at the age of 30, will you marry me then?" He didn't give her an answer, and shrugged it off.
She died 4 months ago. I know it's wrong but I saw a text convo he was having with a girl, and he said "I know how you feel, my first love died, and said if we both were single at 30 if I would marry her. I shrugged it off, but I would have cause she's always been there for me. She was a beautiful person." Should I be worried about that considering I am his girlfriend now, and we have been dating for the past 5 months now, and he said this just a week ago to this girl? What's weird is that he didn't want me to be around her, and he said she would ruin our relationship and he wanted me to cut her out, but i refused too. So it's strange to me that he says he would marry her. I dont know if he's secretly in love with her? Or if i should let it go? Tell me what you think? Thanks.
Also he chased me for 7 months and I wouldn't budge because I was doing my own thing, when we were heading for a relationship though, he told me to cut her out, and that she'll ruin our relationship. The night she died.... me and him got into an argument about that, and he sped off and left because he said it's either him or her, and I said I wasn't going to dump my friend for a guy so it is weird how he would say that. I don't know just giving more details.
Sorry for your loss.
She is dead and not really a thread anymore. However, he might forever fantasize about her and put her on a pedestal despite their fights and disagreements.
It should go away over time, but her shadow might be over all his future relationships. Are you strong enough for that and is he worth it?
Four months is not enough time to grieve someone's loss sufficiently to where you are to the point where you can healthily begin a legitimate relationship with someone else. He was close to this person for many years after dating her, and she's only been gone four months.
He's not ready for you. Or anybody.
And if you were actually her friend, you haven't had enough time to process the loss, either, to be honest.
Thank you so much everyone for your condolences. She was 26 years old, and was studying nursing, but however she was a "closet addict", nobody never knew that she did drugs She kept that a secret. I actually was the one that discovered her dead. She mixed oxycontin, alcohol, valium, and klonopin all in one night. I didn't know she took all of that. She died on my couch, and I honestly thought she just drank alcohol and was wasted, but I didn't know she took all of those drugs, until I got a call from the examiner telling me what all was in her system. I got blamed and bashed by random people and her family. I was harrassed and threatened because everyone blamed me because they said I should've taken her to the hospital. I didn't know though that she took all of that and she always drank and partied, so it was typical for her to be wasted and crash on my couch, so I just thought she drank alcohol, and when I noticed she wasn't breathing, I called the paramedics immediately, but I had a lot of people follow me, and say I am to blame, and wanted to kick my butt, and said things like "I should have been the one to die." etc. It was absolutely terrible, and I couldn't even go to the funeral because her family said I was a "dumb ***** that didn't save her." So, they said cops would escort me. She meant everything to me, she was my world, and we were so incredibly close, she was my soul sister.
I still cry about her everyday, I am not over her death. I've been through hell, and a lot of people are still blaming me even 4 months later, I am in a deep depression, because I knew her for 2 years, but we hung out literally every day, because we also had classes together, and the days we didn't hang out with each other we talked on the phone for like 7 hours, and sometimes it's 7 hours straight. We were so close, and loved each other, but she knew my boyfriend for 10 years, and I saw how toxic their relationship was. They fought constantly, and he was chasing after me for awhile, and I wouldn't go out with him, even though I liked him, because I loved my best friend, and he told me I would have to get rid of her because she'll ruin the relationship and ruin everything for me and him because she secretly loved him, and it was pretty obvious she was. My boyfriend, however expressed many times that their romantic relationship was too toxic that he would never ever go back to that. He made that pretty clear. The night she died, he said he wanted to be with me, but he didn't want Jayne in the picture (I am using her middle name) so I told him "F you! She means the world to me, if you want a relationship, and not complain that Jayne is involved in our lives, fine. But I am not giving up my best friend over a guy, if you don't like it then you can leave." "I won't give up on Jayne." He got mad and left.
So, it's weird to me how he would say he would've married her. I just don't know if it's grief, or if he is really in love with her, and I am just a filler or a void because he doesn't have anyone anymore. Granted he chased me when she was alive for 7 months so maybe I am not. But, I don't know, I just don't want to be a filler.
So, it's weird to me how he would say he would've married her. I just don't know if it's grief, or if he is really in love with her, and I am just a filler or a void because he doesn't have anyone anymore. Granted he chased me when she was alive for 7 months so maybe I am not. But, I don't know, I just don't want to be a filler.
Is it possible he playing up their relationship so he can be the center of attention and get more sympathy?
I also think people turn those who pass into Saints, eventually they believe all the "do not talk ill of the dead." It's kinda human nature to do this.
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