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I always volunteer to work that day, and husband prefers to spend the day quietly with zero commotion.
Each individual, and each couple together, have the absolute option to choose how they either observe, or do not observe, any given holiday and its commotion.
Rather than passive aggressive griping to us here, I suggest that after this round of holiday commotion is over, you tell your wife that you find it stressful and will be disengaging from it.
Either you and she together can agree to make less commotion next year, or -- if she does not agree to that -- you can announce that you will personally be making other plans, such as a hunting trip. Or you can announce that you will spend no more than X hours with the major commotion, then seclude yourself in the shed, den, garage, basement, or outdoors. Go chop wood. Or sharpen your lawnmower blades.
Grow a backbone. Men have been going off on hunting trips, or occupying themselves with quiet 'manly type' tasks over various holidays since the most ancient times.
NAWALT NAWALT!!!! haha
I don't think OP ever made any mention of all women being like that. No need to get defensive.
My wife is Italian and German. 2/3rds of the Axis powers in WWII so you know she has a temper. She goes absolutely bat **** crazy at Christmas when we have family over. The house has to be spotless, everything perfect, etc. It makes me want to do heroin just to cope. For those that are married (spare me the soapbox rant about marriage single people) how crazy does your wife get during Christmas?
Honey...is that you!?!
FTR...my husband doesn't need heroin to cope. A little beer goes a long way for him.
+100! Don't forget figuring out what everybody gets ... and shopping ... and dragging all the decorations out ... and decorating ... and Christmas cards ... and everybody is underfoot because yay, vacation!
Christmas is not my favorite.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
So is your wife cooking and cleaning and wrapping and hosting while you sit back in a chair and watch?
I was just discussing Christmas with my Buddhist friend who also works for FedEx. Needless to say, I get some sympathy from him for the pressure that a Mom gets put through this time of year. As a matter of fact, I view the Christmases of the past as a sort of microcosmic metaphor thing for my entire marriage and why it freaking failed. I had to shoulder all of the obligation for making everyone feel super special, for getting the decorations going, for getting the tree, for getting the gifts and making sure they were wrapped up all nice, for getting the food and cooking the food, for getting gifts (or at least cards) sent to all the family, both mine AND his. The annual attempted miracle known as Christmas, was my responsibility. And it had better be good. Or I'm a bad mom, wife, whatever. Also, the person who manages our household finances and sees exactly what toll Christmas is taking on the accounting? Also me.
He got to be just another of the kids on Christmas.
I even had to buy myself some gifts so I wouldn't be sitting there awkwardly while everyone else opened theirs. But then, I also had to get my own Birthday and Mother's Day gifts, too. Not only would he not get me anything unless I specifically told him:
"I want a gift. I want you to get me a gift. Here is what I want, where you buy it and how much to spend. OK, yes, if you need me to, I can drive you to the mall."
And if asked, he would help me do things like decorate or wrap gifts, but usually with a ton of bad attitude and a big fight and a bunch of complaining.
This sort of stuff made me feel like instead of a partner, I had another kid. As the years have gone by, I've gotten more and more sick of the whole hooplah, more angry and bitter every single year. Yet I do what I can to make it special for my kids, because somehow I think I have to. If they don't get a sufficiently impressive pile of crap they don't need under the tree, and a feast in the evening, why...they are poor, poor kids without a magical Christmas. Deprived of the joy of childhood. What horrible person would wish such a fate upon their poor puppy eyed little angels?
It's really reached a point where I'm looking forward to one day being able to just sit quietly alone all day and read a good book or something.
So yeah, my ex could have definitely helped me be a lot less crazy and stressed during the holidays, if he'd ever shown a good faith desire to help make them happen.
Oh, and if I'm making a snarky comment along the lines of "OMG THE PATRIARCHY" doesn't it just beat all that the effort of wives like me will get attributed to a man who doesn't even exist...unbelievable! No way could we as Americans actually appreciate our Mothers and maybe give a little back, or give them credit where it's due. Nope.
We are entertaining stay-over guests, which I enjoy and I'm super excited about. Holiday entertaining is especially climatic and, truth be told, I've been planning, shopping, wrapping, decorating, cooking and cleaning for months in preparation.
My husband.... well, he just goes along for the ride. He did hang something for me the other evening, but he didn't follow my instructions so it's not the way I wanted it. I started to complain and ask him to do it "right", but I thought better of it and decided to let it go.
Of course, when the guests show up, he'll be THE GREAT HOST and get into the spirit of it. I will probably crash and burn at some point, but I'll try t keep it together until our guests leave at least.
I am not complaining though. I cherish these times. I know that I don't need to put so much pressure on myself for everything to be "just so", but I can't help myself.
I was just discussing Christmas with my Buddhist friend who also works for FedEx. Needless to say, I get some sympathy from him for the pressure that a Mom gets put through this time of year. As a matter of fact, I view the Christmases of the past as a sort of microcosmic metaphor thing for my entire marriage and why it freaking failed. I had to shoulder all of the obligation for making everyone feel super special, for getting the decorations going, for getting the tree, for getting the gifts and making sure they were wrapped up all nice, for getting the food and cooking the food, for getting gifts (or at least cards) sent to all the family, both mine AND his. The annual attempted miracle known as Christmas, was my responsibility. And it had better be good. Or I'm a bad mom, wife, whatever. Also, the person who manages our household finances and sees exactly what toll Christmas is taking on the accounting? Also me.
He got to be just another of the kids on Christmas.
I even had to buy myself some gifts so I wouldn't be sitting there awkwardly while everyone else opened theirs. But then, I also had to get my own Birthday and Mother's Day gifts, too. Not only would he not get me anything unless I specifically told him:
"I want a gift. I want you to get me a gift. Here is what I want, where you buy it and how much to spend. OK, yes, if you need me to, I can drive you to the mall."
And if asked, he would help me do things like decorate or wrap gifts, but usually with a ton of bad attitude and a big fight and a bunch of complaining.
This sort of stuff made me feel like instead of a partner, I had another kid. As the years have gone by, I've gotten more and more sick of the whole hooplah, more angry and bitter every single year. Yet I do what I can to make it special for my kids, because somehow I think I have to. If they don't get a sufficiently impressive pile of crap they don't need under the tree, and a feast in the evening, why...they are poor, poor kids without a magical Christmas. Deprived of the joy of childhood. What horrible person would wish such a fate upon their poor puppy eyed little angels?
It's really reached a point where I'm looking forward to one day being able to just sit quietly alone all day and read a good book or something.
So yeah, my ex could have definitely helped me be a lot less crazy and stressed during the holidays, if he'd ever shown a good faith desire to help make them happen.
Oh, and if I'm making a snarky comment along the lines of "OMG THE PATRIARCHY" doesn't it just beat all that the effort of wives like me will get attributed to a man who doesn't even exist...unbelievable! No way could we as Americans actually appreciate our Mothers and maybe give a little back, or give them credit where it's due. Nope.
Bah. Humbug.
Awww, Sonic_Sport, wish I could give you a hug. I do understand exactly what you are saying, even though I don't feel that way in recent years. One nice thing about having it all on your shoulders is that you can have everything exactly the way you want it. No negotiating or compromising... things are done your way. Period. That's how I like it, so I am willing to pay the price.
In previous years, after my kids flew the coop, I made zero effort during the holidays and it was such a relief! So my efforts now are completely 100% voluntary, which is cool.
This comment from you made me nod my head in recognition and made me laugh"
""I want a gift. I want you to get me a gift. Here is what I want, where you buy it and how much to spend. OK, yes, if you need me to, I can drive you to the mall."
Ha, ha, ha. I've done that too but it didn't take long before he learned to think twice before putting the matter into my hands, because I will run with it! "I'd like a trip to Paris, please and thank you honey, you are the best!" LOL
Last edited by Butterflyfish; 12-23-2015 at 02:25 PM..
LOL.....I am no crazier at Christmas time than any other time of year. I like our home to be tidy, orderly and clean all the time. It does not happen all the time, especially right now because of the stroke I had in August and the two months I spent in the hospital and rehab center. We are not 1/4 of the way unpacked yet but at the end of the day it really makes no difference. There are more important things in life than spotfree homes and unpacked boxes.
I was just discussing Christmas with my Buddhist friend who also works for FedEx. Needless to say, I get some sympathy from him for the pressure that a Mom gets put through this time of year. As a matter of fact, I view the Christmases of the past as a sort of microcosmic metaphor thing for my entire marriage and why it freaking failed. I had to shoulder all of the obligation for making everyone feel super special, for getting the decorations going, for getting the tree, for getting the gifts and making sure they were wrapped up all nice, for getting the food and cooking the food, for getting gifts (or at least cards) sent to all the family, both mine AND his. The annual attempted miracle known as Christmas, was my responsibility. And it had better be good. Or I'm a bad mom, wife, whatever. Also, the person who manages our household finances and sees exactly what toll Christmas is taking on the accounting? Also me.
He got to be just another of the kids on Christmas.
I even had to buy myself some gifts so I wouldn't be sitting there awkwardly while everyone else opened theirs. But then, I also had to get my own Birthday and Mother's Day gifts, too. Not only would he not get me anything unless I specifically told him:
"I want a gift. I want you to get me a gift. Here is what I want, where you buy it and how much to spend. OK, yes, if you need me to, I can drive you to the mall."
And if asked, he would help me do things like decorate or wrap gifts, but usually with a ton of bad attitude and a big fight and a bunch of complaining.
This sort of stuff made me feel like instead of a partner, I had another kid. As the years have gone by, I've gotten more and more sick of the whole hooplah, more angry and bitter every single year. Yet I do what I can to make it special for my kids, because somehow I think I have to. If they don't get a sufficiently impressive pile of crap they don't need under the tree, and a feast in the evening, why...they are poor, poor kids without a magical Christmas. Deprived of the joy of childhood. What horrible person would wish such a fate upon their poor puppy eyed little angels?
It's really reached a point where I'm looking forward to one day being able to just sit quietly alone all day and read a good book or something.
So yeah, my ex could have definitely helped me be a lot less crazy and stressed during the holidays, if he'd ever shown a good faith desire to help make them happen.
Oh, and if I'm making a snarky comment along the lines of "OMG THE PATRIARCHY" doesn't it just beat all that the effort of wives like me will get attributed to a man who doesn't even exist...unbelievable! No way could we as Americans actually appreciate our Mothers and maybe give a little back, or give them credit where it's due. Nope.
Bah. Humbug.
Bless your heart. And I mean that in a good way.
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