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Old 12-24-2015, 02:19 PM
 
Location: Des Moines, IA
282 posts, read 234,617 times
Reputation: 352

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Quote:
Originally Posted by GKelly View Post
I'm trying to understand this a bit more. I know most men have a much higher sex drive than most women.
The fact that you state this as if it's even remotely true already sets up the whole discussion for disaster.

Anyway, the rest of your post annoys me. You both want to have sex? Go for it. At least one of you don't? Then don't. Why does it have to be that hard to follow?

And yeah, men are often going to push for sex once that's open. But women do it too, arguably more than men. Playing games around it is going to get a reaction. I understand most women put up "token resistance" and will want a guy to press them: thrill of the chase and all. It's still going to come off as a game and I personally won't take a woman seriously if she pulls that with me in a relationship. A quick trip to being single with that route.
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Old 12-24-2015, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Ohio
1,724 posts, read 1,591,887 times
Reputation: 1891
Quote:
Originally Posted by Setchel View Post
The fact that you state this as if it's even remotely true already sets up the whole discussion for disaster.

Anyway, the rest of your post annoys me. You both want to have sex? Go for it. At least one of you don't? Then don't. Why does it have to be that hard to follow?

And yeah, men are often going to push for sex once that's open. But women do it too, arguably more than men. Playing games around it is going to get a reaction. I understand most women put up "token resistance" and will want a guy to press them: thrill of the chase and all. It's still going to come off as a game and I personally won't take a woman seriously if she pulls that with me in a relationship. A quick trip to being single with that route.
Aside from the woman I married (thankfully), I have not found women to have higher sex drives as a whole.
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Old 12-24-2015, 03:11 PM
 
708 posts, read 819,522 times
Reputation: 1406
Quote:
Originally Posted by GKelly View Post
I'm trying to understand this a bit more. I know most men have a much higher sex drive than most women. Women can go for months even years without sex. But men are much more sexually active. When I'm dating someone, they seem to want it every time we see each other. That makes me want to test them to see if they're not using me for sex by turning them down every now and then. I recognize this might seem like a game so I will only do it if I'm REALLY not feeling it or if I sense that they only like me for my body.

My male friends complain about the women they date having this same complaint. They don't seem to understand how women could feel they're being used for sex. And I can't get seem to get men to see the same way I do about sex. Even the ones who seem to really like me seem to want sex every time they see me like they expect it. If I don't give it, they seem really disappointed. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy sex, and I try and please when I can. I usually give it 2-3 times a week when I'm dating someone. But when your partner just expects it, it seems less satisfying and makes me want to hold back.

Any one else have a wise theory for this and how to go about making it better since men and women seem to be on different sex/emotion levels?

BTW, is holding back one of the worst things to do to a man? What if I'm just not feeling it especially if I sense he's expecting it? I sensed that for a guy I was dating. I told him I wasn't feeling it. He asked if I will feel it the next day since we said we would meet up again the next day. That just turned me off even more and made me not want to give it the next day as well.. :/ But he seemed to really like me before that or at least I thought so...

I think it is a myth that men have a higher sex drive than women, I think women often have a higher sex drive or around the same as men, but they are just less obvious about it. As for the 'withholding sex' nonsense, that sounds childish and makes me wonder why you would think something you both enjoy would amount to one of you being used.

I find it telling that you talk about 'withholding' and 'giving' something that two people enjoy as if it is something exclusively given by you. Until you think of sex as something completely mutual, you will always have such hangups.

Back when I used to bother dating, if a woman played such games, I would walk.
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Old 12-24-2015, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Des Moines, IA
282 posts, read 234,617 times
Reputation: 352
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperDave72 View Post
Aside from the woman I married (thankfully), I have not found women to have higher sex drives as a whole.
Plenty of studies and articles are more than happy to point out that women have higher sex drives. Typically the issue is many will repress it, more so out of environmental factors than actual interest.

Turns Out Women Have Really, Really Strong Sex Drives: Can Men Handle It? - The Atlantic

Anecdotally, I've met plenty of women who wanted sex more than I did. And usually much sooner in a relationship than I was ready for. I'd be more than willing to agree that sex drives are comparably even if anything.
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Old 12-24-2015, 03:44 PM
 
4,043 posts, read 3,740,516 times
Reputation: 4103
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
You were not snooping? He just had all of those littered dating sites on his phone and you just *happened* too look at all of them?
Hopefully you do not actually believe that you were not snooping when a lot of phones have to be picked up or you have to lean just right to be able to clearly read what is on the screen....
Yup. He was showing me something on his phone and he got a notification for a message from a dating site. I also saw other dating apps when he showed me other stuff. Trust me, I would rather not have seen it.
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Old 12-24-2015, 03:50 PM
 
4,043 posts, read 3,740,516 times
Reputation: 4103
Quote:
Originally Posted by NJBest View Post
Women like being valued for sex... as long as it's by a committed partner. [generally speaking]
Yes, this.
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Old 12-24-2015, 04:03 PM
Status: "108 N/A" (set 16 days ago)
 
12,885 posts, read 13,558,635 times
Reputation: 9572
Every once and a while initiate sex with him when it is convenient for you, particularly if you are not wanting it and he is not expecting it. "Wind Fall Sex" He'll think about it when you turn him down and he'll remember that sometimes he gets it when he doesn't even want it. With some people it’s not getting it when they want it but knowing they will get it eventually.
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Old 12-24-2015, 04:27 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,931 posts, read 11,665,070 times
Reputation: 13169
This is known as "allowing a man to use a woman for sex". The other alternatives are saying "No" and rape.
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Old 12-24-2015, 04:37 PM
 
1,838 posts, read 2,960,351 times
Reputation: 1562
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thundarr457 View Post
I think its a good idea to hold back. This way you can see if he is really "into you" in a more emotional and committed way. If he has a fit when you don't "put out" then you might want to reevaluate your relationship. If a guy really loves you and is interested in building a long term future than his love for you will overcome his "frustration" in not getting it every time he wants it. If your relationship is based solely on a physical need then its better to know now than to waste time and possibly make a huge mistake. When I was dating I was more into knowing the woman and making sure we had an emotional bond, had fun together and were compatible than getting her into the sack whenever I felt like it.
This is what I've done in the beginning. It's pretty easy for me to spot a horn dog verses a guy that's truly interested in wanting to establish a relationship. The horn dogs didn't get what they wanted because I knew it was all they wanted or the primary motivation in them pursuing me. However once I'm in an established relationship, I don't use sex for barging or negotiation. I'm already secure in the relationship and with the guy so with holding sex just because I can or to be spiteful is immature. If you start feeling that way why not just move on from the guy since you're obviously not happy with him anymore.
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Old 12-24-2015, 04:43 PM
 
4,043 posts, read 3,740,516 times
Reputation: 4103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shysister View Post
This is what I've done in the beginning. It's pretty easy for me to spot a horn dog verses a guy that's truly interested in wanting to establish a relationship. The horn dogs didn't get what they wanted because I knew it was all they wanted or the primary motivation in them pursuing me. However once I'm in an established relationship, I don't use sex for barging or negotiation. I'm already secure in the relationship and with the guy so with holding sex just because I can or to be spiteful is immature. If you start feeling that way why not just move on from the guy since you're obviously not happy with him anymore.
We're not in an established relationship and I've only done it once or twice, after I saw him on dating sites. I didn't think it would bother me if he were on them but I guess it did. I'm going to see if he wants to be exclusive since I can't have sex with him knowing he's still chasing other women.
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