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I wasn't abused growing up at all. I was a very loved child. My dad and my mom ended and then she got with deadbeats. I got spanked but that's different I wasn't abused.
I don't go back to my abusers. They beat me a few times then I just stop seeing them and tell them to stay away from me. With the last guy I hung on for a bit longer because I liked the intimate stuff and I felt really alone. Plus I don't have any friends at work and then at home I'm only around kids and it's nice to have someone to talk to. I'm not stupid just that I was putting up with it because of the good stuff with him not the bad.
Most of my old friends have moved or are busy.
The fact that you allow them to beat you "a few times" pretty much shows that your sense of what is right and wrong about this is very skewed.
As far as spanking being abuse, I suppose you could maybe argue that both ways. However, one thing that is definitely does is to teaches children that they deserve to be hit when they do bad things. Many people carry that into adulthood and it profoundly affects their relationship choices.
Your "abuse" may or may not have come from the spanking, but seeing your mom being abused more than likely had a huge effect on your choices in men.
Do you mind if I ask how old you are?
Last edited by Just A Guy; 12-26-2015 at 03:34 PM..
I don't have health insurance and can't afford to go to a therapist plus even if I did I don't have a car so I couldn't go to the city where those things are. We have a food stamp office here and I know they have programs but all of them ate far away and I work. I'm on break at work right now lol.
Well I took a long break from dating already. It's just that when I came back I dated two more guys who are like this. They didn't seem jealous when I met them. Like with the first guy he got upset because he was going to pick me up from church on. Wednesday night but it ran late because of activities. Plus sometimes we stand around and talk so it happens. I didn't have a phone so I couldn't text him. Then I came outside and he asked me where I had been and who I was with. Well I explained to him what happened and he seemed okay. Then we went and parked so we could spend time together and in the middle of kissing and stuff he blew up on me and said I was lying to him about seeing other guys. I told him that was not true and I tried to just laugh it off so I joked that he was paranoid and he slapped me. It hurt bad but I was also super shocked that he did that. :/
I mean yeah I am gonna take another break from dating. Every time I think I have found a prince or a guy that is going to stick around it just all goes terribly wrong. Like it's all all that I want to do is just find love and start a family and all that jazz but I just have a history of bad bad luck.
The more attracted you are to a guy and the more wonderful he seems, the more likely that he will be abusive.
Dealing with your issues though therapy will help you to resolve whatever is causing you to pick these guys. Once you resolve those issues, you will magically not be attracted to this type of guy anymore.
If you can't go to therapy, your only other option is to find guys that you don't find so exciting and attractive.
Not everyone who is abused ends up in an abusive relationship. However, if someone continually ends up with abusers, you can bet he or she came from some kind of abusive environment when growing up.
There is a reason I knew she came from that type of environment, even though I hadn't read the thread at the time I made that post. Things that are particularly traumatic for a person in childhood are almost always acted out in adulthood in some form.
Well I'm not a therapist or have a medical degree so I couldn't possibly comment on that
However like I said the ones I know haven't ended up that way
Plus how does a person KNOWINGLY end up in a abusive relationship? Yes the OP met 3 on the trot but she didn't know that until she started dating them, she wasn't to know they were abusive at the time
What I'm getting at that in her situation with the 3 it could quite easily happen to any woman not just women that had a " traumatic " childhood, so how did YOU distinguish that she was abused/mistreated previously? I ask this because a few times I've seen you ask this question to other women posters ( without them even mentioning abuse ) and as an uneducated person like myself the problems they faced could have happened to anyone and not from an abusive childhood
Well I'm not a therapist or have a medical degree so I couldn't possibly comment on that
However like I said the ones I know haven't ended up that way
Plus how does a person KNOWINGLY end up in a abusive relationship? Yes the OP met 3 on the trot but she didn't know that until she started dating them, she wasn't to know they were abusive at the time
What I'm getting at that in her situation with the 3 it could quite easily happen to any woman not just women that had a " traumatic " childhood, so how did YOU distinguish that she was abused/mistreated previously? I ask this because a few times I've seen you ask this question to other women posters ( without them even mentioning abuse ) and as an uneducated person like myself the problems they faced could have happened to anyone and not from an abusive childhood
Women who come from abusive environments often subconsciously pick guys who are abusive. These guys don't start out by advertising that they are abusive, but they will often have the red flags that women who didn't grow up in these types of environments will find to be a total turn-off (things like jealousy, possessiveness, controlling behavior, etc.). These women will either ignore these things or will actually find them to be a sign of loving (which they learned in their abusive childhood environments).
Women who come from abusive environments often subconsciously pick guys who are abusive. These guys don't start out by advertising that they are abusive, but they will often have the red flags that women who didn't grow up in these types of environments will find to be a total turn-off (things like jealousy, possessiveness, controlling behavior, etc.). These women will either ignore these things or will actually find them to be a sign of loving (which they learned in their abusive childhood environments).
The fact that you allow them to beat you "a few times" pretty much shows that your sense of what is right and wrong about this is very skewed.
As far as spanking being abuse, I suppose you could maybe argue that both ways. However, one thing that is definitely does is to teaches children that they deserve to be hit when they do bad things. Many people carry that into adulthood and it profoundly affects their relationship choices.
Your "abuse" may or may not have come from the spanking, but seeing your mom being abused more than likely had a huge effect on your choices in men.
Do you mind if I ask how old you are?
I'm 22.
Yeah I mean I got spanked hard but it at least taught me I guess. I honestly try to be a good person and I font cheat or steal so that's good. I just meant that I never got punched growing up or anything, just the belt sometimes but that's it
Yeah I mean I got spanked hard but it at least taught me I guess. I honestly try to be a good person and I font cheat or steal so that's good. I just meant that I never got punched growing up or anything, just the belt sometimes but that's it
Did you see your mother be abused? That is abuse to a child to see all that happen.
Im sorry you are going through all this. I really am. You are very young, still. You have time to break this cycle and recover and have a great relationship. You have to want it and not make excuses. If someone wants something...they usually get it. I wish you the best.
Did you see your mother be abused? That is abuse to a child to see all that happen.
Im sorry you are going through all this. I really am. You are very young, still. You have time to break this cycle and recover and have a great relationship. You have to want it and not make excuses. If someone wants something...they usually get it. I wish you the best.
I mean a couple times. To be honest a lot of that stuff went down when i was in my room or not at home. Like she would have black eyes but a lot if the abuse I didn't see. I think because her boyfriends knew if I saw it I would call the cops. But after a whole I stopped doing that because my mom would get mad. These days she is in and out of jail but no more boyfriends really, just guys she hangs out with. She sleeps all day when she is home.
Thank you so much! I wish the best for you too ! =) bless you and your family.
Is there any chance that with the last guy, if I wasn't in a relationship with him the abuse might not happen? Like if me and him were just friends with benefits? I know that's wrong but really I like the intimate stuff. Plus if we weren't in a relationship it still hooking up maybe it wouldn't get so emotional. That probably sounds stupid but I don't know.
You beed to go counseling ASAP. It's not them, it's you.think why you get involved with violent people.
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