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The police never did anything about my mom getting hit by her ex. The police were called so many times. Sometimes the same two officers would show up. One time they suggested thà t when he gets mad and drunk thà t my mom go take a walk or stay away from the house. That or they took him in, out the next day. Don't believe me that's fine, but I know what I saw.
Sadly, this isn't uncommon. We have had to call the cops on a woman abusing her child. It was obvious abuse, I will spare the details. The cops said "well its her kid, she can punish him as she sees fit. He shouldn't talk back".
A disabled man we know was attacked by his wife. He was told he shouldn't have married someone of her race. They did nothing to help him.
This was in the south...people were very ignorant about abuse. That is why DV programs are so important. They can get people the help they need to escape and/or heal and break the cycle.
Yes, I am sure they get sick of coming to the aid of women who won't press charges and keep allowing the guys to come back again and again.
Did you learn that from Mom?
Nice. How rude can one person be? BTW, in so many places in the US, the abused doesn't have the say so about if they are pressing charges or not. Laws have been passed all over the place putting that responsibility on the officers responding. You didn't know that?
Oh boo hoo. So no one should report domestic violence because cops somewhere else once violated protocol. Great advice. I work for a DV shelter and can tell you that every officer on our local force and every prosecutor in the city takes this stuff very seriously.
OP doesn't want to call the law for reasons of her own. Drug use? Other criminal activity? She started the violence? Her story isn't actually true?
Take your pick.
There is NO WAY you work for a DV shelter. You would know much more about abuse, laws, and the lack of help women get in different parts of the country. Just so you know, donating canned goods to a DV shelter around the holidays does not actually mean you work at one. :roll eyes: Which I assume is the extent of your window into the world of DV.
There is NO WAY you work for a DV shelter. You would know much more about abuse, laws, and the lack of help women get in different parts of the country. Just so you know, donating canned goods to a DV shelter around the holidays does not actually mean you work at one. :roll eyes: Which I assume is the extent of your window into the world of DV.
You're wrong about that. I'm in an elected board position. We hire the staff. We educate women and first responders.
Do you understand how frustrating it is for people who try to help, while you make all their efforts useless by continuing to return to your abusers?
I think you need a new job if you are coming online and emotionally beating up abused women.
I actually don't hold a lot of DV workers in high esteem. Some are good but I know several who are actual abusers. Time to look in the mirror, huh?
I also used to work in a DV program...not on a board somewhere, but like...with the actual people needing help. I was also one of those who got help prior (as a child in a DV situation). The worst part was the people who were supposed to be helping but were too jaded and became more abusive then helpful.
I just don't get what's wrong with me and why I attract sertain kinds of guys. The first guy I ever dated was perfect and the first guy I was ever with physically. He had never raised a hand to me but then in the last few months of our relationships the beatings got pretty bad. Then I didn't date anybody for a while but the last two guys I got involved with hit me. So bad I had a concushion.
Like I consider myself nice and normal. I don't look for trouble or start fights and I honestly try not to be confrontational. They always seem like nice guys in the beginning. I don't know what happens. I tried googling information and it says guys that do that stuff are attracted to girls that aren't confident. Well I'm not super duper confident but I don't think I have no self confidence.
I just don't know what to do. I want to date and eventually find true love, but love without violence because all that does is hurt and make me feel bad. I look for warning signs but don't see any. I just want to date someone who doesn't do that.
Thank you in advance for help and merry christmas!
Sorry to hear all this. You don't deserve a guy who beats you. Nobody does. Don't ever tolerate a guy who hits you. All you can do going forward is try to not care so much until you really know what kind of person that you are with. If a guy can hit you once, he can hit you a hundred times. It's NEVER ok, ok? Remember that. It's not you either. Abusers seek out people who will be abused. I learned this many years ago in college. Have more love for yourself, and you won't get with these types of guys. However, if you do, run the first time they hit you. End it there and don't look back. There are lots of guys that don't hit. I'm not always perfect, I can have a temper at times, but I have never hit anyone. Not female at least.
I just don't get what's wrong with me and why I attract sertain kinds of guys. The first guy I ever dated was perfect and the first guy I was ever with physically. He had never raised a hand to me but then in the last few months of our relationships the beatings got pretty bad. Then I didn't date anybody for a while but the last two guys I got involved with hit me. So bad I had a concushion.
Like I consider myself nice and normal. I don't look for trouble or start fights and I honestly try not to be confrontational. They always seem like nice guys in the beginning. I don't know what happens. I tried googling information and it says guys that do that stuff are attracted to girls that aren't confident. Well I'm not super duper confident but I don't think I have no self confidence.
I just don't know what to do. I want to date and eventually find true love, but love without violence because all that does is hurt and make me feel bad. I look for warning signs but don't see any. I just want to date someone who doesn't do that.
Thank you in advance for help and merry christmas!
You came from some kind of abusive background. You pick abusive guys in order to replay the dynamics of the abusive background in the hopes of a better resolution the next time around. Unfortunately, there never is a good resolution.
This is not something you do consciously and is something that only therapy can resolve.
You came from some kind of abusive background. You pick abusive guys in order to replay the dynamics of the abusive background in the hopes of a better resolution the next time around. Unfortunately, there never is a good resolution.
This is not something you do consciously and is something that only therapy can resolve.
when has she mentioned an abused past? It's not a very nice thing to ask someone or to assume particularly with a lady
She's asking advice on her current state not her childhood ( of which your referring to ), I can think of at least 2 others that have posted a problem and you have asked them if they were abused ( one outright " were you abused as a child " ) it's not very nice mate.
You might well be right but the way that you go about asking I'm sure would be quite hurtful to the person, a bit more decorum on your part I think
She just told us her father beat up her mother repeatedly and the police had to be called again and again.
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), I can think of at least 2 others that have posted a problem and you have asked them if they were abused ( one outright " were you abused as a child " ) it's not very nice mate. 
