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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I understand not having family, or a S/O on a holiday. Been there many of times. The thing is, there are loads of people that have neither, and they're generally not alone. Christmas even I spent baking with friends, yesterday was cooking, drinking wine, and going to the movies with friend... in any urban area there is a going to be a good chunk of people without family, or who are alienated from family, without S/Os that are still going to be celebrating. You've been on OKC for awhile now, have you not formed a tribe there? If not, why is that? It isn't age to be sure.
I understand not having family, or a S/O on a holiday. Been there many of times. The thing is, there are loads of people that have neither, and they're generally not alone. Christmas even I spent baking with friends, yesterday was cooking, drinking wine, and going to the movies with friend... in any urban area there is a going to be a good chunk of people without family, or who are alienated from family, without S/Os that are still going to be celebrating. You've been on OKC for awhile now, have you not formed a tribe there? If not, why is that? It isn't age to be sure.
My question also. Yes, finding someone and forming an intimate relationship can be difficult. But making friends? Not so difficult, no matter where you live. I moved to a notoriously unfriendly French-speaking country when I was older than OP and still managed to make new friends within weeks, even with the language barrier. I was never alone on the major holidays.
What is holding you back from even having friends?
I understand not having family, or a S/O on a holiday. Been there many of times. The thing is, there are loads of people that have neither, and they're generally not alone. Christmas even I spent baking with friends, yesterday was cooking, drinking wine, and going to the movies with friend... in any urban area there is a going to be a good chunk of people without family, or who are alienated from family, without S/Os that are still going to be celebrating. You've been on OKC for awhile now, have you not formed a tribe there? If not, why is that? It isn't age to be sure.
One has to be happy within oneself to do those things, though. I feel like people who feel so alone during the holidays put too much emphasis on being in a relationship. I'm not with a SO right now, but I certainly wasn't alone over the past few days. Even when I attended Mass by myself on Christmas Day, there were so many welcoming faces that it's hard to feel lonely.
The OP needs to figure out things to do to fulfill himself, not only during the holiday season but year round.
Not for men. If he was a woman, this would be fantastic advice.
I agree that's a terrible thing to do if you're a male. It's nothing but window shopping with no substance. People just look at the photos, they seldom write and worse fewer even answer... Unless you're a super good looking guy or have really low standards a guy just isn't going to have much luck with them.
I've known male friends who've tried them for years and not get one single message or a reply to any they've sent. They walked away feeling worse about themselves than when they first signed up. This isn't often discussed or it's swept under the rug as if not a thing. Many just say suck it up and don't take it so personal. However the reality is all those ignored messages a male sends very often make a guy have a lower self-esteem or give them a low self-esteem where they had none before. A guy would much rather get slapped at the bar or told to get lost, than see someone totally ignore he even tried to talk. A simple "Thanks but no Thanks" would do wonders to alleviate that issue, but most women find it totally acceptable to ignore messages. What women fail to realize is that's like letting the door slam shut in front of the woman following them into their favorite 7-11. It's rude, it's bad behavior, and disrespectful.
Most people online do not conduct themselves the same as they do in real life. I'm pleased to say I'm not such an individual. Whether online or in real life I behave the same, I'm not going to be a hypocrite my integrity and honor hold value. I don't do this for their sake but rather for my own, I have to be someone I can respect when I look back at myself in the mirror.
OP likes to complain about Oklahoma City. His complaints would really be most legitimate in an area with a population under 100,000. Oklahoma City has a sufficient population base to find something.
The only time that moving to find a better dating pool is worthwhile is if you are in a smaller area. Generally speaking, I don't see a lot of the point in moving from a solid mid-sized city to a big city for the dating pool. Big cities are notorious for the paradox of choice in the dating markets (too much choice either causes continuous casual dating/poor choices made). Mid-sized cities are often a good choice because they are big enough to have some choice, yet small enough that the paradox of choice doesn't take hold.
States like California, Florida and New York are generally the best for dating for a reason.
Florida? I don't think so... I've lived there for years, and snooty is how I'd describe it. Of course that's just my experience I'm sure it's a different experience for others. Maybe it's better for those who are attractive? I can't speak about that since I'm not handsome enough.
I hate to get all preachy on you, but I am old and I know what I'm talking about. If you are feeling empty, it's not that you need to get more, it is that you need to give more.
Give, and you will feel happier. It does not matter where you live, you make your own happiness, and you carry it with you, or not, wherever you live.
Visit a nursing home, walk dogs at the animal shelter, work at a food pantry, be a Big Brother. Find a way to be needed.
Lack of confidence is a big issue for many of us. It certainly can hold us back in work and relationships. I have to work on mine, and one thing that may or may not help you is to stop yourself when you start having a negative thought and tell yourself something positive.
Give up on trying so hard. Just be you. Don't look for a relationship, just be open so you are receptive when the possibility comes along.
OLD worked for me and my guy, so it obviously works for both genders. I'm sure it isn't for everyone. In fact, I was on my way to giving up on OLD, when he came along. And he was only online for a couple days, so it worked well for him.
I have spent a couple holidays alone. I have a house, so there is always something to do. I use alone time for projects. If you live in an apartment, you can find a hobby for your alone time. And as others have said, volunteering is a fabulous idea. I volunteered repacking food (raw veggies) for needy families. It was hard work, it was satisfying work, and I was surrounded by other (smiling) people who were there to help others in need. The other volunteers made it fun work, it went by fast, and I felt very accomplished when I left.
I think that you should figure out what you LIKE to do, then go do it. Don't go to find someone. Go to enjoy your interest. Then, a woman who enjoys the same thing may present herself. You simply have to be in the right place at the right time. But you won't be at the right place in the right time if you stay home.
I'm just tying to get through this day today. I'm all alone in a city I dislike immensely (Oklahoma City). I'm estranged from my Mother, who is a narcissist, and my brother and I aren't close, though I adore my Niece. This is my 4th Christmas here alone and the 7th year since my divorce. All I ever wanted was a family of my own and now it just seems so out of reach. I have absolutely nobody. I don't want next year to look like this. At this point, the way I see it is I have only a few options to be able to meet someone to settle down with:
1. Move back to Atlanta (I'm working hard at this and have an interview next month) or another major city back East.
2. Hire a service to find me a wife (either mail order and go to Colombia, EHarmony personal matchmaking, etc).
3. Pay for an expensive "bootcamp" for men where they get to the bottom of whatever issue there is in approaching women (confidence, fear of rejection, etc) and force you into those situations. However, I think I'm too old to do this.
It sucks that these are my options, but it appears this is it. Hopefully, I get out of here next year, but I can't count on that alone. I have to make a decision on which of the other options to do and how much money I'm willing to spend on it so 2016 doesn't look like the last 7 years.
Sorry to hear this. Nobody likes to be alone on Christmas. I hope you and everybody had a nice Christmas. I'm not going to beat you down for how you feel. I wish I could tell you what might help. You might consider moving. I had to move a long time ago for work and it worked out. I have since been laid off, but I met my fiancé when I moved. Honestly, the last thing that I really wanted was a new relationship. I mean I did want someone eventually, but just not then. But it happened and it turned out to be exactly what I needed.
You seem pretty closed off to what is around you. Perhaps it is that bad. Go back to Atlanta, I think it would be just what you need for your psyche'. If nothing else, you could be close to your friends and family.
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