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major red flag; he is giving you a glimpse of your future;
i'd run the other way as fast as i could on that one
also ask him "are you willing to go to counseling to address any problems we might have in our marriage" see what response you get. A lady at work i know, also in her 50s, said when her second husband proposed to her, he made it a threat as part of their marriage. "If you ever ask me to go to therapy, i will not do it, and i will divorce you, so don't ever ask me." It is a nightmare. She has health problems, and he gets mad when he sees her in pain, and she has to lie about going to the doctor so it doesn't upset him.
people tell us everything we need to know about them if we are willing to actually listen. when i was very young and naive and 19 shopping for an engagement ring with my husband-to-be he turned to me and said "and if you ever try to leave me i get this ring back and you can't have the kids." (The kids that were not even born yet, and would not be born for another 7 years). Talk about creepy. Then he laughed and said "Just so you know, so don't even think about it." He laughed! Funny guy. That is exactly what happened 14 years later, when I divorced him, complete with him taking the kids, violating a court order, and moving out of state.
Trust your gut....divorce is ALWAYS an option, and if someone claims it is not, major red flag.
Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 12-27-2015 at 04:18 PM..
Of course it's an option, and sometimes it's the most reasonable option. It's not something to be taken lightly, but I can't imagine not having limits to what one is willing to put up with from their spouse. It doesn't even have to be a matter of one or both people doing something wrong; sometimes you grow apart and come to a point where differences cannot be reconciled.
I think divorce is a horrible thing that is sometimes necessary, like amputation. In a way, it is an amputation, as marriage merges two people into a new, one-flesh entity.
It doesn't even have to be a matter of one or both people doing something wrong; sometimes you grow apart and come to a point where differences cannot be reconciled.
I think this is what the "no divorce" camp is trying to guard against. People use "growing apart" as an excuse for divorce and may not even try to bridge that gap. Divorce has become so commonplace and, frankly, too easy to obtain.
I'm not a marriage-minded person but I do believe in honoring commitment to the best of one's ability, i.e., not just giving up because you neglected to communicate effectively and have decided to hold a grudge.
I'm also not anti divorce. I wouldn't get involved with someone who is. That would be a red flag for me.
What are your thoughts on couples who believe this "popular" mantra "Divorce is not an option/We don't believe in Divorce."
I have met a few, self-righteous couples who constantly allude to this. Granted, they appear very happily married...but nobody really knows about someone's marriage right?
My husband is one of the "rare" (I guess) men who believes in this. He says there are no divorces in his family, people stay together "til death do they part." He also said one of the things that solidified marriage to him was "NO divorce" even in the worst of times...interesting right? My husband said that unless there is abuse there should be no divorce (he even said "cheating can be worked through")
What are your thoughts on the "divorce is not an option/don't believe in divorce" I think divorce is sad but sometimes necessary...but that's my opinion...
Thoughts? Opinions? Facts? Details?
I know somebody who said that but she ended up initiating the divorce. I say never say never.
I think this is what the "no divorce" camp is trying to guard against. People use "growing apart" as an excuse for divorce and may not even try to bridge that gap. Divorce has become so commonplace and, frankly, too easy to obtain.
I'm not a marriage-minded person but I do believe in honoring commitment to the best of one's ability, i.e., not just giving up because you neglected to communicate effectively and have decided to hold a grudge.
I'm also not anti divorce. I wouldn't get involved with someone who is. That would be a red flag for me.
I agree, however, the "no divorce" camp needs to mind their own marriages and not try to dictate what they deem to be divorce-worthy for everyone else. The reality is that not every problem can be worked through, and I have yet to meet anyone who took their divorce lightly, even in a no-fault situation.
I got divorced because we drifted apart. My exwife wanted to sock away as much of her money as she could and have me pay all the bills (she made more than me) drive everywhere in my car and save hers. She inherited a sizable pile of cash and then our assets were equal so I told her to start contributing. Our marriage ended soon after with a huge assist from my ex MIL. It took me awhile and I eventually met the woman I am married to and I have never been happier and I feel my life started when I met her. I was of the opinion that you stay married no matter what so I tried harder and harder but in the end it failed anyway. Some marriages cannot be saved its as simple as that. If one person tries and tries and the other doesn't it is doomed to failure. I am living proof.
Eh...people believe it until things get bad enough. It's a noble thought but it takes TWO to stay married and if someone wants out it's best in the long run to let them go rather than make the whole family miserable forever rather than temporarily.
I went into my marriage thinking "oh, well, if it doesn't work, divorce is always an option." I had no reason to think it wouldn't work, mind you, I just knew it was an option down the road should something happen to make the marriage untenable. My parents did not divorce (but probably should have, years ago).
My husband went into marriage thinking there would be no divorce. Divorce wasn't an option he was thinking about. He was a child of divorce, but it never seemed to bother him much. He was about 5 when they divorced, and both remarried.
We've been married over 20 years now. I think there are certainly cases where divorce makes the most sense. I know my husband would agree that some situations are most appropriately served by divorce (I just asked him to confirm that ). But to go in thinking it is an option probably isn't the healthiest way to approach it. To go in thinking you will make this work whenever possible makes more sense to me (otherwise why make that kind of commitment?).
Sorry, but "divorce is never an option" is just plain stupid. Even Jesus said it was Ok to divorce if a spouse commits adultery. Withholding sex and desertion is also considered justification for divorce, among many conservative Christians. I'd also say that physical abuse is a good reason for divorce. I know the Bible pretty well, I don't see any indication that God would expect us to stay in a situation where our health or life are under attack. Where people get these ideas I'll never know.
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). But to go in thinking it is an option probably isn't the healthiest way to approach it. To go in thinking you will make this work whenever possible makes more sense to me (otherwise why make that kind of commitment?).
