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This is a "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" moment. He confesses he only wanted to hook up, and said whatever he thought she wanted to hear in order to get that. But she's still all wound up in a fairy-tale romance, a romantic fantasy.
Wow. Night. Day. Never the twain shall meet.
I have to agree. I think the guy probably really does just wanna hook up. it's easy to be charming with long distance, and only seeing one another every few weeks. Plus he could have found a girlfriend in that time, but still wants to fool around with OP on the side.
HOWEVER< OP has to make the choice herself. Maybe the guy really is just scared. But maybe he does just want a hook up and doesn't care. Even at 21, someone isn't totally stupid or clueless to the point of hurting someone they care for, and risk losing them forever by saying "I was just trying to use you for sex, and it's all I want you for."
But we ca't really know. A poster gave a story about it with a friend. Met a guy in a bar, had sex and the guy drops off the face of the earth. Her friends tell her she was just a ONS, and she insists he'll be back. And she was right. He broke up with his girlfriend, and came back to her, and they're married now.
So sometimes, what seems like fantasy or wishful thinking, may actually be the case. But I am just trying to be optimistic. As I could be wrong.
It doesn't make sense. I live an hour away from him. If he only wanted to hook up with me why not put all that time and effort into someone closer to him.
Cause if things started out as fwb it's not like i could be at his house in 5 mins to have sex with him whenever he wanted. And like I said he never did or said anything to indicate that's all he wanted.
In fact he did the opposite.
He pursued me and wanted ME to get serious. It doesn't make any sense at all.
It doesn't make sense. I live an hour away from him. If he only wanted to hook up with me why not put all that time and effort into someone closer to him.
Cause if things started out as fwb it's not like i could be at his house in 5 mins to have sex with him whenever he wanted. And like I said he never did or said anything to indicate that's all he wanted.
In fact he did the opposite.
He pursued me and wanted ME to get serious. It doesn't make any sense at all.
Same way if he wanted a girlfriend, why wouldn't he look for someone closer than he could see a good bit. He may have something going with someone closer to him. Doesn't mean he can't want you in addition to it.
We have had ladies here that stated they have sex buddies who fly into town to have sex with them. And who knows, he may want to keep things casual because of distance. He may want a girlfriend who lives closer, but the distance makes you good for a fling without investment. That way he doesn't have to suffer the issues of a long-distance relationship, with having a girlfriend he can't see often, but would be expected to be monogamous with. So with casual, it eliminates the loyalty he would need to have for you where he can't see other women, but he could still see and sleep with you now and again.
The young girl I mentioned in my last post was pursued by her guy for months before she finally did anything sexual with him. Otherwise, they just talked. And even when he had her, he was fine not seeing her but once every few weeks. Sometimes it'd be a month before he called her to hook up again. He's out doing his own thing and having a good time. meanwhile, she's the one stressing over him online, stalking his FB page, not eating, and pouting because he doesn't want her like she wanted him.
Actions do speak louder than words. But when a man tells you he wants things to be just about sex, it's best to listen, Many young girls tend to make the mistake of not listening when a guy says he's just casual, and they usually end up hurt, because they wanted to believe the guy was either in denial about his feelings, or that she could change his feelings the more time they spent together. It usually ends in disappointment.
But again, the choice is yours. I just try to warn as it is always upsetting to see so many young girls who fall in relationships like this, and then their emotions overrule logic and their time was wasted on a guy who simply was not for them. Some women send most of their 20s stuck on the wrong guys, creating alot of drama and heartache for them, rather than it being fun.
If you want to see him and give it a try, you can. I am just throwing out the possibilities. So I could be wrong. But this is all worth really thinking about.
But, if you decide to go forth with him, just be sure to practice safe sex and use protection. Last thing you need at this time is a baby with this guy. Sadly, sometimes wanting to be young and dumb can end with a baby and 22 years minimum of single-childcare, which is not easy when you don't have your own life together yet, but are in charge of a baby's in addition to it.
It doesn't make sense. I live an hour away from him. If he only wanted to hook up with me why not put all that time and effort into someone closer to him.
Cause if things started out as fwb it's not like i could be at his house in 5 mins to have sex with him whenever he wanted. And like I said he never did or said anything to indicate that's all he wanted.
In fact he did the opposite.
He pursued me and wanted ME to get serious. It doesn't make any sense at all.
Of course he pursued you...he wanted sex. Hard for him to hook up with you if he doesnt pursue you.
Actually, it makes perfect sense. Much easier for him to get a girlfriend who lives closer to him, and when he wants something different he has you.
Dont go see him. He's already told you he just wants a hook up. If you go see him and spill your guts about how much you care about him blah blah blah, you will look ridiculous. Because thats not what he wants.
You are more invested in him than he is in you. You think about him all the time, he doesnt think about you at all, maybe occassionally if hes wanting sex. Is that what you want for yourself? Do you want to keep yourself on the hook emotionally for someone you dont have a chance to have?
Men who arent invested emotionally will be happy to have sex with you and see you now and again...until they find someone they fall in love with. Then he'll drop you like yesterdays news. Do you want that?
So yeah...y'all are right.
After re-thinking and looking over our texts, I don't think he asked me to be fwb. He said "well, if you wanna have some fun right now......." meaning I think he wanted me to come that night. And then I said I would only be free 2 weekends from now. Thats when I plan to confront him.
But here's what I don't understand:
When this relationship started, we both talked about having sex and we agreed we wanted to. I told him I was open to start doing it when he wanted to, but he never took me anywhere that we could have done it. He always came to my house, or we went bowling, or I went to his house when his parents were home. It was all on him to suggest somewhere to go if he really wanted to hook up. And he never took me anywhere. But he never had to try to hook up with me, he could have done it whenever. Thats what I don't understand. He knew I wanted to, so why put in all that time if he could have just hooked up with me and gotten it over with?
I'm serious, for 5 months he wanted to be with me. Why in introduce me to his family, take me out, talk about our future kids and wanting to live together...why tell me I was the love of his life if he didn't mean it and it wasn't necessary to say?
I never asked him to say or do those things, he was after me.
Because that was then and this is now. You've seen him twice in 5 months, that is not a relationship.
Stop worrying about what he says. STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT HE SAYS. He probably forgot he said all that, whereas you have remembered every single word he has said.
Actions always speak louder than words. Always. If someone cares about you and wants to be with you, he will find a way to do it. Not find excuses why he can't.
Because that was then and this is now. You've seen him twice in 5 months, that is not a relationship.
Stop worrying about what he says. STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT HE SAYS. He probably forgot he said all that, whereas you have remembered every single word he has said.
Actions always speak louder than words. Always. If someone cares about you and wants to be with you, he will find a way to do it. Not find excuses why he can't.
So yeah...y'all are right.
After re-thinking and looking over our texts, I don't think he asked me to be fwb. He said "well, if you wanna have some fun right now......." meaning I think he wanted me to come that night. And then I said I would only be free 2 weekends from now. Thats when I plan to confront him.
But here's what I don't understand:
When this relationship started, we both talked about having sex and we agreed we wanted to. I told him I was open to start doing it when he wanted to, but he never took me anywhere that we could have done it. He always came to my house, or we went bowling, or I went to his house when his parents were home. It was all on him to suggest somewhere to go if he really wanted to hook up. And he never took me anywhere. But he never had to try to hook up with me, he could have done it whenever. That's what I don't understand. He knew I wanted to, so why put in all that time if he could have just hooked up with me and gotten it over with?
I'm serious, for 5 months he wanted to be with me. Why in introduce me to his family, take me out, talk about our future kids and wanting to live together...why tell me I was the love of his life if he didn't mean it and it wasn't necessary to say?
I never asked him to say or do those things, he was after me.
Don't live in the past. That was all then, and this is now. NOW, he's letting you know, he isn't interested in you as a girlfriend.
And really, half the time when a guy moves that fast is a red flag. He was pouring on the charm to get you hooked on him. Then he'll work toward a hook up, and turn down some of that charm some now that he's gotten you hooked. You'll sleep with him, and be enamored with him. So he can keep you as a back-up girl possibly for when he's not with anyone else. I know a girl this happened to. Long-distance. She always reached out to him and stressed over him. But he usually ignored her. When she'd send him a message about not speaking to him again, THEN he'd call her, throw in some sweet words - just enough to keep her on the hook. Why? Not for love, but for a back-up when he's in the mood for her.
The 2 of you only met twice, correct? And at 5 months, That's barely a relationship - let alone anything serious. And at 5 months, most couples who see one another constantly are still just in the honeymoon stage then.The way things are playing it, this is the perfect start for a fling, but nothing serious.
Another lady I know was pursued by a guy for months. They went on dates and he was perfectly charming. After the sex, he got her clothes together and wanted her to get dressed and leave. It's not new for men to pour on the charm and sweet-talk early on, because they know many women will respond to that, and it gives them the power.
And like someone else said, he probably doesn't remember half the stuff he told you. But since you're stuck on him and trying to cling to him loving you, you fixate on what he says more than he does most likely.
I can't believe he did this to me.
I'm not gonna lie to y'all....every guy I've dated has treated me like crap..except this guy. Until now.
I never understand why I always get treated badly ..or why "bad"guys are attracted to me.
I'm not a huge partier. I don't sleep around. I dress very modest (never wear anything too tight or low cut) that's just who I am. I'm a tender hearted person (maybe too much so) and I always try to see the best in everyone. I've bent over backwards for every guy in the past...because I cared so much and I wanted him to be happy.
But I was willing to do more for this guy than I had in the past with others. I had a big crush on him. When I was little I had the picture of my "dream guy" in my head, the guy I thought I was gonna end up marrying. And this guy had always been that dream guy who was in my head for so long. It was almost unreal. Everything from his looms to his personality...there wasn't one thing I would have changed. I always thought this was meant to be...because we lost touch so many times and always came back to each other...I felt like the universe was almost putting us together. It's so hard for me to let go of this "relationship" because my life planned out with him was perfect. We are both in the same place in life...we are heading the same direction, have the same personality. He lives in the city I was always planning on moving to (way before we ever got involved) the timing was perfect. I could up and move with him wherever i wanted to if it had come to that.Everything seemed so right. I'm trying to let go of the hope that he'll realize he's made a horrible mistake. It's hard for me to understand...the girl he dated while we were in college...she was so b*****y and spoiled, just downright hateful. I am the complete opposite and yet he DATED her..which makes me wonder why I'm not good enough for him to want to date that way...
I bend over backwards for everyone I care about. Before I got a backbone I used to try and do nice things for my abusive ex WHILE he was abusing me. I've gotten a lot better about that, but I still put others before myself.
It's hard for me to let this one go because I still love everything about him. And after crushing on me all during college it's hard for me to accept that he wants to let me go and only ever wanted to hook up.
I think a part of him is scared to be serious. I don't know though. I don't get why I'm not good enough. I just hope I actually end up getting to talk to him in person about it...because I don't think I'll be able to accept this until he tells me to my face that he doesn't want me in his life. At least we are on terms where I can ask to meet up...that doesn't mean he'll actually show up though. I just want to understand...if I can learn why and find out what's truly going on (by him telling me, standing in front of me face to face) I'll be at peace about this. Because then I'll realize there's nothing more I can do. I hate giving up when I haven't done everything possible to make it right. And even last night, I didn't tell him how I truly feel. I want him to physically see how much I care.
I'm going to try to not feel sick over this but it will be a long 2 weeks and a lot of anticipation just waiting and wondering if I'll even actually get to see him.
I used to think this was just a rough patch that would make us stronger, to get to the bigger picture....now it's just weighing heavy on my heart and I don't even know how to feel.
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" meaning I think he wanted me to come that night. And then I said I would only be free 2 weekends from now. Thats when I plan to confront him.
