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Old 02-06-2008, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Missouri Ozarks
7,394 posts, read 19,279,584 times
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Yes, you can start over in your 40's.
I'm 48 now, will be 49 the 26th of this month and was widowed at 42. It was very lonely. The only thing I did was go to work, come home and start over the next day. After a couple of years, I moved to Texas and decided it was time to start doing something for myself. I got on the dating sites and although I went out or met a lot of men, I was getting impatient to meet the right man.
Finally I did and we've been together for a little over 3 years.
I realize you're lonely right now and it's very hard but under your circumstances, you're grieving the loss of you father and your divorce, it's best not to make any major decisions until the grieving process is over. Someone told me to wait at least a year before making decisions and though I don't like time limits on everything, this one made sense to me.
Sorry to hear about the loss of your dad and relationship.
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Old 02-06-2008, 02:40 PM
 
280 posts, read 1,215,893 times
Reputation: 213
Default You most certainly can start over...

...there are many, many people starting over including me in their 40's. First you have to get out and have some fun. After a while & after some fallback boys - you will find yourself again, and the next time you get in a relationship I believe it will be even better, and you wont even think about whats-his-name anymore. Just don't be in a hurry to find someone, take your time and have some fun for yourself first, life is short, get out there and party!!
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Old 02-06-2008, 05:06 PM
 
21,874 posts, read 19,025,888 times
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Yes it is possible to start over in your 40s and life just keeps getting better and better. I find it helps to read inspirational stories and articles of women who do and did just that. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and support you in living a full and happy life. Life is meant to be filled each day with that which brings you joy and happiness.

The first step is identifying for you, and keep adding to this list, that which brings you joy and happines, and regularly immerse yourself in those. If you don't know what those things are start asking and living in that question. Be really kind and gentle and sweet to you too. What have you "always wanted to do?" because now you get to do it, whether it's dance lessons, sit at a pottery wheel, paint, go to Alaska, take a writing class, dye your hair red, wear a black leather miniskirt, the sky is the limit and your heart is your guide....

And Blessings to you on your path.
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Old 02-06-2008, 05:59 PM
 
Location: New York
371 posts, read 2,023,547 times
Reputation: 260
DimSumRaja had a lot of excellent advice and now I am going to ask a personal question. Do you belong to a church? I hope this isn't too personal, but I have found when I am the most lost in life I need to turn to the church. I can volunteer, I can get involved in different kind of groups there, and I can become closer to the big guy. I know some people get very offended when I mention God in my posts, but I am not an evanglist and in fact, I am searching for a church family myself. We are going to a new one this Sunday. Good luck and I am going to be praying you find the happiness you so deserve!!
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Old 02-06-2008, 06:09 PM
 
49 posts, read 138,596 times
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I'm not in my 40's but I can imagine the quality of women available to single men in this age range is slim to none. Just check out some of the men in this age range who frequent other countries in search of a good woman to bring back home.
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Old 02-06-2008, 06:18 PM
 
6,304 posts, read 8,974,621 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Stud View Post
I'm not in my 40's but I can imagine the quality of women available to single men in this age range is slim to none. Just check out some of the men in this age range who frequent other countries in search of a good woman to bring back home.
The thing with "older women" is that most of them don't think this way. And, KUDOS to them for it.

The idea of "being a certain way" to land a man is LONG gone.

And, perhaps (probably) they have a thing or two to teach the younger generation. Actually being who you are, and happy with who you are, attracts far more promising prospects for relationships, if that's what you want.

So, is it possible to "start over in you 40s"? It sure is. My mother (who has been married coming on 46 years now) reinvents herself about every 10 years. Luckily, my dad understands that it's no slight on him when she does.

He's smart enough to realize that when she's happy with where she is, it benefits him as well.
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Old 02-06-2008, 06:26 PM
 
5,244 posts, read 4,696,809 times
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Sorry for the loss of your dad, I have gone through losing both parents now and it is gone. That is very hard. As for starting over at 40, yes, it is not too late. I have known women to have their first baby at 40 and look at you, you have gone through that already. I think it is time to focus on yourself. Get a new look. Start getting healthier and doing things that make you happy, get stronger, more confident. You'll see if you don't focus on being w/a man, it will happen all on its own. Good luck!
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Old 02-06-2008, 06:30 PM
 
49 posts, read 138,596 times
Reputation: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73 View Post
The thing with "older women" is that most of them don't think this way. And, KUDOS to them for it.

The idea of "being a certain way" to land a man is LONG gone.

And, perhaps (probably) they have a thing or two to teach the younger generation. Actually being who you are, and happy with who you are, attracts far more promising prospects for relationships, if that's what you want.
Uh, I'm not sure what you you mean by "being a certain way" -- can you explain this?

Being yourself is a given. This is not the problem with American women in their 40's as there are many other reasons which drive men to seek love in another country.
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Old 02-06-2008, 07:06 PM
 
6,304 posts, read 8,974,621 times
Reputation: 8149
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Stud View Post
as there are many other reasons which drive men to seek love in another country.
Erm, why then do they seek love in another country? If it isn't about how they dislike American women (whatever age) being "who they are", what is it about?
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Old 02-06-2008, 07:21 PM
 
6,304 posts, read 8,974,621 times
Reputation: 8149
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Stud View Post
Uh, I'm not sure what you you mean by "being a certain way" -- can you explain this?
Oops, I forgot about this very interesting issue....

"Being a certain way". In other words, being what the man expects a woman to be, in order to be with him.

What did I learn back in the 70s and 80s? Oh, of course "be myself", but let him lead the way. Which, YES, is a mixed message.

It's REALLY funny to me, because now that I'm involved with a man 25 years my senior, I see all of this BS for what it is. BS. This guy must be REALLY hard up for dealing with an American woman who believes that "doing the dishes every time they're dirty" is not her responsibility, right?

Yeah, he's said a thing or two to me about "what I should be doing". To which I've responded, "and, what's YOUR responsibility here?".

Surprisingly enough, he had no real answer. LOL

Bottom line, we are together for WAY more than these issues, and we worked through them. I see him for more than being an old Canuck from the prairies, and he sees me for being way more than what he would think a Jewish gal from NY would be.

At the end of the day, what my mother tried to teach me about "being a dutiful woman" was BS. She taught me what she thought was right, no doubt. But, that idea that you "need to be that certain way" to be happy is a farce, and I'm happy that I've been able to see that.

If people still feed into that, it's their issue. But, honestly, to say that "other women" (whatever THAT means) are better for this reason, is just stupid.

That's what I meant by what I said.
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