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My mom doesn't have a home nearby. She lives with my sister which is two hours away from my house. I've mentioned to my mom she needs to "knock it off" or leave. She responds that she will stay at a motel. Guilt trips me for choosing the gf over her. And makes me feel bad that she will be alone in a trashy motel..
Again, you allow her to control your emotions.
When she says she will stay in a motel tell her you will be waiting to put her bags in the car after she is packed and while she is packing you will make her reservation.
Then put her and her luggage in the car and drive her to the motel, get her settled in and go home.
It's your house. It's your GF's house. Tell you Mom it doesn't matter whether or not she likes anyone in your household. As a houseguest she needs to mind her manners and be polite and pleasant. If she does not, she will need to find other accommodations.
Not liking her, being your mother, being old, or whatever, does NOT excuse rudeness.
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You need to grow a pair, or let your Mommy run your life. Its up to you. You dont have to be mean about it either. Its simple.
If your mom cant be civil to gf, she has to stay in motel. GF lives there. Its her home. She has priority. Always.
You need to grow a pair, or let your Mommy run your life. Its up to you. You dont have to be mean about it either. Its simple.
OP needs to print this out and memorize it, and repeat it daily.
I come from a conservative Greek household and the pressure was on to find/marry etc a nice Greek girl. I don't like greek girls, and I'm open minded so my dating life is europeans, latinas, asians etc.
I put my food down very early on in my life that I won't exclude anyone based on race, religion, etc and if they don't like it, its their loss and health they are ruining because I got to live my life. It worked because now their requirements are that i'm happy with her and she is a good girl. Requirements that I also share so there is no issue here.
You can't change your mom. No amount of talking or pleading or explaining or threatening will work.
So either you are going to let her stay with you and deal with the temporary PITA or you are going to stick her in a hotel and stress over something possibly happening to her.
OP I'm going to go against the grain here. I'm going to recommend you let her stay, simply because of her history of heart issues. She should not be left alone for long periods.
Your situation is temporary so what you really need is coping skills. Your attitude needs to change. Stop taking her words to heart. Ignore her, crack jokes when she starts in, whatever it takes. But really all she can do is kvetch, she can't make you dump your girlfriend. She has no power here other than what you give her.
You can't change your mom. No amount of talking or pleading or explaining or threatening will work.
So either you are going to let her stay with you and deal with the temporary PITA or you are going to stick her in a hotel and stress over something possibly happening to her.
OP I'm going to go against the grain here. I'm going to recommend you let her stay, simply because of her history of heart issues. She should not be left alone for long periods.
Your situation is temporary so what you really need is coping skills. Your attitude needs to change. Stop taking her words to heart. Ignore her, crack jokes when she starts in, whatever it takes. But really all she can do is kvetch, she can't make you dump your girlfriend. She has no power here other than what you give her.
I realize I will not change my moms mind or how she treats my gf. I don't know how much longer I can just "cope", more like suffer. Thanks for touching on my continued concern for my moms health/ well being despite what she is intentionally putting me through. Replies that simply say to let my mom stay in a motel seem to miss that fact that she's still mom. And she has no family besides my sister. And no friends in the are as she is not from here. Aside from the stroke she had earlier this year, she has a long list of medical conditions including: Aortic stenosis, malignant hypertension and cardiovascular diseases.
Although the OP describes a temporary problem, it will actually be ongoing. I feel I can not offer her a place to stay if she needs one unless I arrange for my gf to stay somewhere else during that time period. I can not visit my family in San Diego and bring my gf or she will receive the same treatment there. In future gatherings I will have to choose one or the other. Furthermore, my mom even uses her medical conditions to torture me. Making statements that she "won't be around long anyways" and "I won't be happy in my grave if you're stuck with that useless woman". I am not exaggerating or making any of this up.
I think my mom is depressed about other issues in her life like regretting how she quit her job to move with my sister, losing her house, etc. And she doesn't stop making references to an ex gf I broke up with 2 years ago. My ex was very different from my current gf. More personable, wasn't lazy, hard working with a good job, a great cook etc..But thats not the here and now! Seems like whatever I decide, I lose.
My mom doesn't have a home nearby. She lives with my sister which is two hours away from my house. I've mentioned to my mom she needs to "knock it off" or leave. She responds that she will stay at a motel. Guilt trips me for choosing the gf over her. And makes me feel bad that she will be alone in a trashy motel..
Guilt-tripping you for choosing the gf over her is nonsense. At your age, you're SUPPOSED to be choosing a gf, and beginning to make an adult life for yourself, looking for a life partner. No mother who had her son's best interests at heart would try to prevent him from getting on with his life and becoming an adult. Your mom is way out of line. Don't fall for that line! Throw it right back at her, and say, "Do you want me to stay single until you die, then? That's not going to happen, so you'll have to get used to the fact that I've got a girlfriend."
You give in WAY too easily, OP! None of the stuff she's saying to you makes ANY sense, but you cave every time. You're not a kid anymore. Your job as an almost-adult is to stand up to her, and not let her get away with cr@p. She's being abusive and manipulative.
Guilt-tripping you for choosing the gf over her is nonsense. At your age, you're SUPPOSED to be choosing a gf, and beginning to make an adult life for yourself, looking for a life partner. No mother who had her son's best interests at heart would try to prevent him from getting on with his life and becoming an adult. Your mom is way out of line. Don't fall for that line! Throw it right back at her, and say, "Do you want me to stay single until you die, then? That's not going to happen, so you'll have to get used to the fact that I've got a girlfriend."
You give in WAY too easily, OP! None of the stuff she's saying to you makes ANY sense, but you cave every time. You're not a kid anymore. Your job as an almost-adult is to stand up to her, and not let her get away with cr@p. She's being abusive and manipulative.
My mom doesn't want me to be single. She wants me to be with someone more productive like my ex. An ex gf that I have already gotten over. I know its out of line what she's doing..
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