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At the same time? You're testing out the waters, seeing what's out there, right? This guy just basically told me that if I wanted to see other guys, then he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I like him, but it's nothing serious - have only met him once before I went home for winter break. He's acting as if I'm his girlfriend, but I thought we were both just casually dating. It could lead to something more, but not until I get back to town and go on a real date with him. Am I getting the wrong impression of what casual dating really is?
And not to be mean, but aren't medical residents suppose to be super busy?
IMO, casual dating can mean whatever you want it to mean, as long as both you and the other person are very clear about how you are defining this.
You should make what you want clear to the other person and if you are not on the same page, let each other go. Your last statement does indeed sound a bit mean and it comes across as disinterest.i.e you don't sound too keen to see him. Let him go if he's not for you.
OP: It doesn't sound like you two have different definitions of casual dating, it sounds like only one of you thinks you're dating casually.
So, to answer your question....no, I think you have the right idea of what casual dating is (at least by my definition), but it seems like he's working under the assumption that you're exclusive. It happens all the time. Just evaluate what you really want and then talk to him about it. If you're on different pages, you may have to break it off.
I wouldn't go THAT far. I've had this experience with at least half the women I've ever dated: they came into date 1 assuming exclusivity. That mindset, while kind of naive, isn't quite "controlling". At least not yet.
At the same time? You're testing out the waters, seeing what's out there, right? This guy just basically told me that if I wanted to see other guys, then he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I like him, but it's nothing serious - have only met him once before I went home for winter break. He's acting as if I'm his girlfriend, but I thought we were both just casually dating. It could lead to something more, but not until I get back to town and go on a real date with him. Am I getting the wrong impression of what casual dating really is?
And not to be mean, but aren't medical residents suppose to be super busy?
-->Am I getting the wrong impression of what casual dating really is?
Why does that even matter? Did you guys make an agreement to "casually date"? (Which would be weird to make such an agreement.) And even if you did, did you define what that would mean? Obviously it means different things to different people. Personally I don't "test out the waters" with more than one person at a time, and have no desire to see anyone that wants to do that. If I am not the one that they want to date, then they are not the one for me. If it doesn't work, I move on to the next one.
As for your situation...you've not been on a "real date"? Exactly what have you done then? If you are not truly even dating, then, it sounds like he is already emotionally invested and you are not.
As far as his being busy, I don't think that matters here.
This guy just basically told me that if I wanted to see other guys, then he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I like him, but it's nothing serious - have only met him once before I went home for winter break. He's acting as if I'm his girlfriend, but I thought we were both just casually dating.
For me, this is a major problem. He is already making ultimatums based on assumptions that he has conjured up in his mind without actually talking to you. If making ultimatums are the only way he knows how to have a relationship, I would be very wary. Don't expect this type of behavior (tantrum really) to stop any time soon.
All of this even before the first "real" date? Heck no... that's pretty darn controlling.
You are correct.... unless both parties agree to a committed relationship there is no assumption of exclusivity. It is your life as a single individual and you have every right to live and date however you want.
At the same time? You're testing out the waters, seeing what's out there, right? This guy just basically told me that if I wanted to see other guys, then he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I like him, but it's nothing serious - have only met him once before I went home for winter break. He's acting as if I'm his girlfriend, but I thought we were both just casually dating. It could lead to something more, but not until I get back to town and go on a real date with him. Am I getting the wrong impression of what casual dating really is?
And not to be mean, but aren't medical residents suppose to be super busy?
You have the correct impression of what casual dating is. He is trying to control you. It's your decision if you want to be in a relationship with a controlling, anal, type A personality like him.
-->Am I getting the wrong impression of what casual dating really is?
Why does that even matter? Did you guys make an agreement to "casually date"? (Which would be weird to make such an agreement.) And even if you did, did you define what that would mean? Obviously it means different things to different people. Personally I don't "test out the waters" with more than one person at a time, and have no desire to see anyone that wants to do that. If I am not the one that they want to date, then they are not the one for me. If it doesn't work, I move on to the next one.
As for your situation...you've not been on a "real date"? Exactly what have you done then? If you are not truly even dating, then, it sounds like he is already emotionally invested and you are not.
As far as his being busy, I don't think that matters here.
No, we've never discussed about where we stood. I assummed it was casual because well... I've only met the guy once lol. We met for a drink and talked for a few hours before I went home for winter break and that was it. We do have great chemistry and talk on the phone/through texts, but I thought it was a fling at the most as I really don't know him that well. While he has a pleasant personality, I'm mostly hanging on because of the physical attraction right now.
I brought up about him being busy because I honestly don't know where he's finding all this time to talk to me lol. Probably on the job, but I didn't think it was possible considering his job. You're right though, it's irrelevant to what I'm really asking.
It's hard to say without really knowing what has gone on and what was said. No man I've ever known has wanted his girlfriend to be seeing other guys. Not unless she is meaningless to him except for occasional release and he rates her as "too dumb to charge for it" which, believe me, is not a compliment from any angle you look at it.
If you want to be seeing him and seeing other men at the same time, tell him so. Let him decide whether that suits him. If it doesn't like it, he'll leave, which shouldn't matter too much to you if you've got other people that you are dating.
I wouldn't judge him as controlling over just this issue. If he shows control issues about other things, then he is controlling. I'd say that if he doesn't care who else you are sleeping with that he doesn't care very much about you and finds you to be interchangeable.
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