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I don't think it's the money she's worried about. I think some women want a boyfriend with a cool job or a career that's socially acceptable to the upper middle class and their friends.
Fine dining is where the money is. There was a guy on the San Francisco forum who said he makes six figures, and has been for years. He lives where rents are cheaper, and commutes into the city for work. But he said he's older now, and the work is getting too physically challenging; he's looking for a new career, thinking of maybe going back to school. Being on your feet all day is tough, and carrying big trays of food. I suppose at that point, a waiter should be transitioning to Maitre D', anyway. They get tips, too, and don't have to walk the floor constantly. But still, the guy was seriously considering furthering his education, so he'd have more job options.
I don't know the OP, but I took her to mean that a guy with no ambition or interest besides being a waiter wouldn't be likely to be someone she could sustain long conversations with about things that interest her. There are probably exceptions, but there's just not going to be much common ground if she's got a BA or beyond, no matter how great a guy he is. Sure, a lot of people with a basic BA aren't that interesting (or intelligent, as others have pointed out), but as a general indicator, education level and/or achievement level are helpful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reen79
no career goals, no drive, no money, no pension=going nowhere in life ....dump him unless your willing to put up with that long term...
I probably won't contact him, and it will be difficult to go back to my favorite coffee place now... but it's probably for the best, as a number of posters have advised in this thread.
I want the best for a potential partner, having drive and seeing them working toward something is appealing. If he had said he wanted to work for a specific restaurant, or that he worked at the coffee shop because of good staff, or the fact he absolutely adored pastries and chai's I would have been less shocked. I just felt that he was indifferent toward his future, he didn't want to go anywhere, pursue anything. Working at the coffee shop was "alright." I'm someone who can't or tries very hard not to feel just, "alright" about my job. I'd never met anyone who didn't have some kind of dream. It's less about money, more about a sense of passion. Attractive! Passion.
I've learned not to make assumptions, from now on I'll be more careful. We just didn't align. Going to miss that glorious smile of his though.
I don't think it's the money she's worried about. I think some women want a boyfriend with a cool job or a career that's socially acceptable to the upper middle class and their friends.
I rarely find anyone to agree with me on this, but I believe that this is a much larger factor than people make it out to be, especially with women. Socially speaking, there is a MASSIVE difference between:
"He's a waiter"
vs.
"He's a firefighter"
Even if (hypothetically), they looked the same, treated their girlfriend the same, made the same salary, had the same background, were equally intelligent, etc. More often than not, it reveals itself via occupational description, but could just as easily be something else. As it happens, the occupations we choose are the implicit de facto method of description we use, for better or worse.
It depends on the person. I drew the line at engineering support eventhough the guy was cute and a very nice guy and was a great skier. I'm sure he was a great guy but not interesting and challenging enough for me.
It depends on the person. I drew the line at engineering support eventhough the guy was cute and a very nice guy and was a great skier. I'm sure he was a great guy but not interesting and challenging enough for me.
If you're not going to date an attractive, nice guy because he's in engineering.....just, wow.
A people wonder why they can never meet the "right" person.
I did find the "right" person. That guy would have been the wrong person. Listen to your intuition.
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