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This is spot on. My ex tried killing me this summer and the judge dropped the protection order, told him to never do it again, and put a blurb in our custody documents stating he is not allowed to be near my house or work, and he can't legally kill me.
And people wonder why I say the judicial system needs an overhaul.
We were together about 4 to 5 years ago for 2 years. We broke up in 2012/2013.
I first blocked him on Facebook, then he called me 9 times. My phone doesn't allow blocking people but it just sends calls directly to voicemail so I did that. He sends the occasional email. I just blocked that too.
What am I "addled" about?
A huge inconvenience, but you should change your phone number if you can't block callers. Change your email address. Never respond to him, even to tell him to leave you alone. After all, negative attention is better than no attention.
We were together about 4 to 5 years ago for 2 years. We broke up in 2012/2013.
I first blocked him on Facebook, then he called me 9 times. My phone doesn't allow blocking people but it just sends calls directly to voicemail so I did that. He sends the occasional email. I just blocked that too.
What am I "addled" about?
It took you two years that break up??
And now it's four or five years?
If he's only contacting you once every few months, he's not infatuated. Just don't answer him.
I dated this man from work a couple years ago. We broke up about 3 years ago. He moved to another city. We tried to remain friends after he left but his energy was dragging me down. He needed a weekly phone call and those were painful. We didn't have much to talk about and we would just complain about life. I got tired of it so I didn't want to be his friend either. I told him I was done with the past and wanted to move on. I blocked him from everything and stopped replying completely. Every 6 months to a year he will send me an email, each one saying it will be the last. Once he called me 9 times and sent me many texts. I got an email from him recently swearing it will be the last. Every time he contacts me it makes me extremely uncomfortable and stresses me out. He kept talking about how good we were 4 years ago and how he still thinks of me. And this one was lewd and disturbing. I sent his email to spam.
Then I started to worry. I think this guy has a history of not letting things go. I remember him telling me he would think of reaching out to his ex 30 years after they broke up. Holy F*** what did I sign up for??! I don't think he would go so far as to stalk me and find out where I live. I have moved since although he knows where my parents live.
I'm just getting really creeped out. I know I can't really file anything against him until he commits a crime. I have been trying to make myself not searchable in the search engines. But then
LinkedIn occurred to me. In my industry being up to date with LinkedIn is very important. I have my current city on there and when I get a job I'm probably going to have that up too so he'll know where to find me if he *REALLY* wants to. I hope that will not happen.
Any crazy horror ex stories from anyone else?
First thing I'll say is don't even respond to his texts, calls or emails. Someone that unhinged will just take it as you playing hard to get and you will give them hope, even if your reply is "leave me alone".
I used to "talk to" a girl in college, we were good friends for a while and she liked me and we eventually made it clear we liked each other. We talked about it progressing but had a falling out due to her temper. For the record, I have a horrible temper and a short fuse, so if a woman's temper is enough to turn me off- you know it's BAD. We resolved things and had another falling out after, in which she would angrily text me when she was drunk, ask to talk, and then cuss at me and insult me when I politely told her I didn't want to talk. I eventually blocked her texts, she resorted to Facebook. I blocked that, she resorted to going to my graduation (she was 2 years below me) to watch me graduate without me knowing... This ordeal went on for about 7 or 8 months but the graduation thing was the most disturbing.
Another good story is there was this other girl, also in college, that I had a class with. It was a gender, race and crime class, and we were two outspoken voices in the class. I being the conservative right winger of the class and her being the liberal hippie of the class. We thought the other one was annoying, but one night I ran into her in a chicken spot (drunk) and we added each other on Facebook, and we hooked up like 2 days later. Apparently our disagreements brought about some SERIOUS sexual tension. Did I mention she was into girls? Apparently curious about guys but never went that route, except once. Rainbow bumper sticker on her car, member of the LGBT club at school, all that. I was pretty proud of myself as these hookups were recurring for a bit. Once we had a falling out, which consisted of her yelling at me, calling me the devil and telling me how much she hated me, and we re-established (not really) contact, things got weird. We never had another rendezvous after this point, but she figured she'd try her luck.
The texts started about 6 months later. It was pretty much just texting. But she repeatedly brought up ideas of hooking up again. The level of appeal these ideas had greatly depended on my mood, but we didn't hook up again. One time I agreed, and she said she was seeing a guy now (I thought wtf?) and they were FWB's and she had to ask him if it was okay. After that, I refused to give her my address (we hooked up in the dorms the year before, I got an apartment the year after) because I didn't know if this guy was some weirdo or this was a setup or whatever. So I started ignoring her texts. Text, I ignore. Next day, I ignore. Then the next day she sends me a picture of my back with scratch marks on it! A picture I let her take the year before! I was like sweet Jesus, I can't believe this woman. I had a girlfriend at the time, so ignoring her was the smart thing. A few days later, she texts and I answer. She tells me "I give bl*wjobs now" and follows it up with a picture... I ignore this. A few days later she sends a simple text, "I love anal now". I pretend like I'm someone else who just recently got this number, implying I changed mine. She believes it and that was that. But that woman was a crazy horn dog. Not to mention I was told by a little birdy that she has borderline personality disorder. A good chunk of what she told me, like about the new guy, could've been some odd lie. But she was so crazy that she's the type to believe her lies. I have no doubt she believed everything she told me, but she was so out there.
Don't threaten. He continues a protection order is your next course of action. Violate that and next stop is jail.
I've been told by more than official that they do little to nothing to protect people because by the time the stalker has broken the order, you are already in harm's way and it takes so much time for cops to get to you. I was told this by cops as they were physically removing a stalker that had broken into my highly secured home and was sitting on my sofa in the dark waiting for my return, just to name one instance.
Not responding is the best thing the OP can do. Even yelling at this person will be positive reinforcement, because they are trying to get you to talk to them. They will move on eventually, as long as the OP remains vigilant in not responding and, sadly, keeps their info off the web as best as possible (yes, I get how hard that is these days as I'm in the same boat).
This is spot on. My ex tried killing me this summer and the judge dropped the protection order, told him to never do it again, and put a blurb in our custody documents stating he is not allowed to be near my house or work, and he can't legally kill me.
And people wonder why I say the judicial system needs an overhaul.
Yup. There is very little, if anything, the system can do to protect victims other than report timely to the scene once a crime has been committed. Sadly, the best thing each of us can do is live smartly. I went through many years being enraged that I had to change my life and watch my back because someone else is breaking the law, but at the end of the day, even being furious wasn't going to keep him away. :\
I don't think they care. Only if the guy works for the same company.
HR can't give out your info, no matter who it is, and no, they don't care. HR isn't going to protect you when he shows up and blocks your car parked outside your office (speaking from experience).
If you are truly worried, you need to remove all info off the web, including LinkedIn. I have LinkedIn, but it has my old job listed. Once I return to work after having a baby and then leave that job, I'll add it once I no longer work there (and I told all former co-workers to not answer any questions if someone approaches them outside the office asking where I work now). My safety is most important.
If he's only contacting you once every few months, he's not infatuated. Just don't answer him.
No. We dated 2010-2012/2013. The dates are skewed because he moved away and it was long distance/off and on. We tried to be friends for a bit after that but I haven't spoken to him since the beginning of 2014.
I've been told by more than official that they do little to nothing to protect people because by the time the stalker has broken the order, you are already in harm's way and it takes so much time for cops to get to you. I was told this by cops as they were physically removing a stalker that had broken into my highly secured home and was sitting on my sofa in the dark waiting for my return, just to name one instance.
Not responding is the best thing the OP can do. Even yelling at this person will be positive reinforcement, because they are trying to get you to talk to them. They will move on eventually, as long as the OP remains vigilant in not responding and, sadly, keeps their info off the web as best as possible (yes, I get how hard that is these days as I'm in the same boat).
Wow! That's crazy! What happened after that?
The good thing is I don't think he has a lot of money to do anything high tech or expensive.
The good thing is I don't think he has a lot of money to do anything high tech or expensive.
Before this instance, even my neighbors moved because they were tired of him standing outside my home screaming and yelling when I wouldn't answer the door. I moved not too long after that.
I'm still very watchful of what I share and with whom. Only the friends that have also been there get it; others think I'm paranoid because they don't know my past (like that I won't RSVP to online invites, I won't share where I'm going or photos of a vacation until I've returned, only very vague info on web, etc).
I don't care what people think. Never judge until you've walked in someone's shoes. I never want to feel like a victim and helpless in my own home again. That is the one place you should be able to feel safe. I felt very small and powerless in that moment and I never want to feel that again.
I had another encounter from a nutjob that tracked me down off the web based on my IP address then tried to run me down in a parking lot for not talking to him. The FBI got involved with that one since the web is a federal crime. For that one, I moved again and was advised to change part of my name.
There are crazies everywhere, unfortunately.
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what did I sign up for??! I don't think he would go so far as to stalk me and find out where I live. I have moved since although he knows where my parents live. 
