Good signs. Opposites of "red flags". (Green flags?) (men, love)
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31
Complimentary is a good one. Towards anybody. Waitstaff is a pretty big one, but even the kind of person that will tell someone they like their coat, or envy their ability to play the piano....anything at all in the harmless "make someone else feel good" department.
I was thinking complimentary in that we compliment each other. I don't need to, or want to, be the same as my partner, but I would like our differences to compliment each other.
I was thinking complimentary in that we compliment each other. I don't need to, or want to, be the same as my partner, but I would like our differences to compliment each other.
Ahh. Obviously not what I meant in my post...I misunderstood yours!
Another one - a woman that grew up with brothers. There's a marked difference in how women who grew up with brothers view men versus women who didn't.
Age is a huge one for me, likely the first I look for. I strongly prefer men age 45-55ish.
Also prefer that they still have hair (but grey, silver or white is fine.)
Love musicians! Especially bass guitar players. Need not actually be in a band.
Sobriety. No drugs, no alcohol.
Dominant, at least partially. Already into what I'm into and having skills in certain techniques, or having a dormant interest that they are enthusiastic to explore.
Some overlap in music tastes.
Geeky references, especially combined with humor. Can quote things like Monty Python, Hitchhiker's Guide and Red Dwarf.
Likes cats, or has a cat.
Wears a kilt and actually looks good in it.
Cool, unusual name. Examples of names I've liked, among actual men I've met: Severn, Keegan, Britton, Grey.
When I was dating, the things I zeroed in on, that captured my attention were:
Educated and Intellectually-inclined - involved in academia, enjoys debate, discourse, involved in intellectual pursuits. This has typically meant individuals who are socially aware, social justice advocates, skeptics/humanists who are also vocal and knowledgeable about these issues, discussing them, critically and objectively.
Humanist/skeptic/non-religious/non-theist - I connected far better with these individuals, and it often tied in with the above. Because I am extremely vocal about many issues, issues that would likely conflict with ideologies on the other side of the spectrum. In order to keep the peace and avoid tension, frustration, etc., I sought people of a similar worldview. And people just as vocal and interested as me. This made for very interesting, engaging conversation.
STEM-inclined/oriented - contrary to what many think here this had nothing to do with the income potential of certain STEM fields, and everything to do with the above. In my experience, in the areas I have lived, the majority of STEM-inclined (and those in academia) were typically non-religious, logical, critical, and objective thinkers. They also tended to be involved or interested in other things I am into. Plus, I am fascinated by STEM. I'm not naturally inclined toward it (humanities is my field), but find it really interesting and fascinating.
Nerd/geek interests - this, like the others, was huge for me. I love all things sci-fi, fantasy, action, etc. Basically, what has typically been associated with geek/nerd culture, was what I was raised on and have been passionate about since I was a very young kid. It's what I know, and what I love. I love gaming, cosplay, film theory, studying "fluff" disciplines that many see little value in (my field of study is humanities/comparative religion), and other things that have since become mainstream. I connect very well with people who share these passions. Film is a big passion of mine.
I am a cinephile, and it was a very, very strong preference that I date others with a similar interest, and in the genres I appreciate. This also connects to other interests I mentioned above. It isn't so much as "liking" something or having a passive interest, a lot of issues and topics that spring from the above encourage engaging, stimulating discussion and encourage deeper mental connection. (The intro to my OKC profile was a reference to Safety Not Guaranteed. I figured that anyone who is a movie buff, into indie genre genres, would get this reference and the creative writing that followed it. A lot of the guesses were for Doctor Who, which I also love, but doing that caught the exact attention I was looking for, my type. In my PoF profile headline it was: "Alien vs. Predator" and "Star Wars vs. Star Trek" followed by other references and similar questions, and it also worked.)
Artistic/creative - also very important. Someone involved in the arts in some way: music, art, photography, writing, film, drawing, reading, etc. I'm a photographer and a writer. I connect best with fellow creative individuals. They just "get" me/it. *Major* points given if a potential match is familiar with or passionate about epic orchestral and film/game score music. It is my favorite genre and inspires a lot of creativity and other artistic/academic interests.
Introverted - see the trend, here? I'm introverted, and contrary to popular belief, I don't click well with extroverted partners. I don't need the "balance" or whatever. In my experience and observations, fellow introverts posses a lot of the above traits, characteristics and interests. Personality wise, it's just a better fit.
Non-smokers and heavy drinkers - I'm not a big drinker at all. Nothing against it at all. I drink socially in certain settings, but in most cases I probably drink a handful of times a year.
Compatible love languages - I'm big on affection/physical touch and words of affirmation, so it was important for my partner to have similar/compatible love language.
Likes animals, especially cats - 'cause I have three cats.
Interested in or open to some kink - it can be fun, enjoyable and exciting if/when both parties are interested and willing.
Other things like how well the person communicates, including their writing, diction, sense of humor, other subtleties and nuances, I assessed or picked up on. I had a thing for hopeless romantic types. I was not into "alpha male" or aggressive (outside the bedroom) and bull-headed men. A well-written profile that included a lot of the above with some pizzazz or something interesting and engaging, always captured my interest.
Age is a huge one for me, likely the first I look for. I strongly prefer men age 45-55ish.
Also prefer that they still have hair (but grey, silver or white is fine.)
Love musicians! Especially bass guitar players. Need not actually be in a band.
Sobriety. No drugs, no alcohol.
Dominant, at least partially. Already into what I'm into and having skills in certain techniques, or having a dormant interest that they are enthusiastic to explore.
Some overlap in music tastes.
Geeky references, especially combined with humor. Can quote things like Monty Python, Hitchhiker's Guide and Red Dwarf.
Likes cats, or has a cat.
Wears a kilt and actually looks good in it.
Cool, unusual name. Examples of names I've liked, among actual men I've met: Severn, Keegan, Britton, Grey.
To me green flags are if he is open and doesn't try to hide anything.
If he doesn't hide you from your friends or coworkers
If he is excited to be with you.
If he isn't hiding in the bathroom texting or calling others.
If he gets out of his way to accommate you
If he isn't overly secretive with his phone
If he takes pics of you so he can show off to his family and friends
If he likes animals
If he is overall a happy person
If he can get excited about little things
if he talks about the future with you in it
If his exes don't hate him
If he doesn't have (m)any enemies
STEM-inclined/oriented - contrary to what many think here this had nothing to do with the income potential of certain STEM fields, and everything to do with the above. In my experience, in the areas I have lived, the majority of STEM-inclined (and those in academia) were typically non-religious, logical, critical, and objective thinkers. They also tended to be involved or interested in other things I am into. Plus, I am fascinated by STEM. I'm not naturally inclined toward it (humanities is my field), but find it really interesting and fascinating.
This is another big one for me, I just left it out because of how defensive some people get on the topic. As it turns out, there's no pleasing everybody
I'm curious, why cats specifically? Notice anything unusual about cat owners? (as it happens, I have a cat).
Ditto on the unusual names, within reason. Sometimes, too unusual of a name tells you all you need to know about their parents
This isn't always a rule, but the feeling/vibe/impression I get about men who like cats...
Says something about their sense of humor. Cats are ridiculous. Men who don't get why cats are funny, often don't share the same kind of sense of humor as me. They are like miniature incompetant villains, I mean, come on... More importantly, a man who prefers cats as opposed to a man who is strictly a "dog person," is not afraid to prefer the more stereotypically feminine pet, and doesn't choose an animal companion for its capacity to worship and obey him. He might be a more quiet, observant, intellectual sort. He doesn't need to enforce his own program over everything in his environment.
And I should definitely stipulate that not all unusual names are created equally. I've heard some pretty unfortunate ones, too.
Note that I didn't say anything about height, weight, or endowment. Unless a man is at some very, very extreme point on any of those spectrums, I couldn't care less about such things. Funny how I've heard a lot of men put themselves down for not being tall enough, for being out of shape, or discussing whether and/or how much "size" matters.
To me green flags are if he is open and doesn't try to hide anything.
If he doesn't hide you from your friends or coworkers
If he is excited to be with you.
If he isn't hiding in the bathroom texting or calling others.
If he gets out of his way to accommate you
If he isn't overly secretive with his phone
If he takes pics of you so he can show off to his family and friends
If he likes animals
If he is overall a happy person
If he can get excited about little things
if he talks about the future with you in it
If his exes don't hate him
If he doesn't have (m)any enemies
I'm guilty of being the opposite of too many of these
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Age is a huge one for me, likely the first I look for. I strongly prefer men age 45-55ish.
