Is there a window or time limit where you won’t date, flirt, or hookup after a breakup!? (married, woman)
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It bewilders me how some people in my community think it is wrong to go on a date or hookup with someone or respond to flirtations for a x amount of time after breaking up with someone, even if it was casual because it “cheapens the relationship”. I don’t see it that way. So after not seeing someone anymore, I’m supposed to break down crying, not go out with anyone, and run away sobbing when a woman tries to flirt with me for a x amount of days?
Do you have a “time limit” or “window” where you won’t date, hookup, or respond to flirtations after you stop seeing someone? If so, why, and how do you determine how long the window is? Is it usually in hours, days, weeks, months, or years?
If someone were to break up this morning, I see no problem moving on and going out to hookup with someone tonight, or set up another date, or flirt, or anything like that as soon as lunch time today. The relationship is over. No need to arbitrarily not see anyone for 30 days because it might not keep up with arbitrary appearances or upset the community.
Some people should take time alone instead of flinging themselves in and out of unhealthy situations constantly. Those people would do well to take a breather in between and re-evaluate.
Hopefully most are making healthy choices for themselves, whatever the timeframe.
When I was younger, part of me wanted to get on top of someone new right away.
As I've matured I've realized part of this was based on a certain neediness, a youthful inability to be properly alone, and I started taking steps to get over it.
Another part of me realized that I was unlikely to have a real connection with the rebound-person. For all that we tend to treat people and relationships with a bluntly laissez-faire attitude, it's not fair to the new person. Rebounds tend to be passionate because after a breakup we are impassioned. For the rebound person that can result in a very mixed-up message and it's entirely possible they will invest heavily on an emotional level. Until you've been on the wrong end of that one, really loved someone who you thought was into you, only to discover the awful pain of finding you were a rebound, you really can't understand how or why it's not as simple as that's the way the cookie crumbles, bucko!
So I started backing off for longer, spending time getting my own head back on straight.
Now I just think of when it finally comes someday and laugh loudly to myself, because HA -- never again! She can stay the night if it storms, and yes we can cuddle and do other, wetter cuddly things; but when she needs to brush her teeth in the morning she can use a disposable I keep on hand before she gets in her car and leaves. And no, she can't have a drawer she keeps at my place. Never again.
How long does that qualify as, with regard to the question?
It bewilders me how some people in my community think it is wrong to go on a date or hookup with someone or respond to flirtations for a x amount of time after breaking up with someone, even if it was casual because it “cheapens the relationship”. I don’t see it that way. So after not seeing someone anymore, I’m supposed to break down crying, not go out with anyone, and run away sobbing when a woman tries to flirt with me for a x amount of days?
Do you have a “time limit” or “window” where you won’t date, hookup, or respond to flirtations after you stop seeing someone? If so, why, and how do you determine how long the window is? Is it usually in hours, days, weeks, months, or years?
If someone were to break up this morning, I see no problem moving on and going out to hookup with someone tonight, or set up another date, or flirt, or anything like that as soon as lunch time today. The relationship is over. No need to arbitrarily not see anyone for 30 days because it might not keep up with arbitrary appearances or upset the community.
I refrain for as long as it takes me to heal from the prior break-up, which means it depends on the previous relationship, how long it was, and how much I had invested in it.
It sounds like you have never been in an LTR or married, or have been sufficiently attached to someone to grieve the end of a relationship.
Generally I agree that finding someone sooner rather than later is what's best however........
I split up from a long term one about a year ago and yes I've had flings/FWB/ons etc but I've not opened up emotionally since then, I did put EVERYTHING in to it so it did take its toll on me.
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