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Yes, people take marriage too lightly and are in too much of a rush.....
Just live with your love and don't get married until you are prepared, really truly prepared (which I might add should take at least a few years being together under the same roof) to make it "til death do us part"
I totally agree with the posters stating people don't know themselves prior to marriage, that they don't know what type of person will actually make them happy. I am so glad I didn't marry my first fiancee...he totally got on my nerves but I thought I'd be alone if I didn't marry him. Good thing I changed my thinking because ending it with him made me realize what type of guy I really want...and then I found him, when I was in my low 30s, had enough experience with dating and what I wanted...and we just knew, from the moment we kissed. Sounds cliche, I know, but it's true. AND we've had plenty of ups and downs but we're still together, about to celebrate our first wedding anniversary...we've also been together for two years. I definitely know all the struggles we've had are worth it. So................for richer, for poorer, til death do us part....this phrase applies to us.
I like the idea of marriage as long as we are both still "growing together" and choose to be together.
The problem with "till death do us part" is people can get lazy and take the other person for granted and feel like they don't have to do anything because it's forever anyway.
Regardless of what the piece of paper says, or the religion says, or what society says,
every day should be a voluntary re-evaluation of "Do I still want to be with this person or not?" so that people are still CHOOSING to be with one another, and from that flows a continued state of kindness and appreciation.
I don't think it's an "easy way out" to just leave because the person still has to deal with themselves, and the problems seem to follow them. I want to feel like whoever I'm with it's voluntary, not bound as a prisoner. I'm more likely to be on my "best behavior" when I continue to see the relationship as something precious that is continually nourished and taken care of well, and that I could lose at any moment.
Regardless of what the piece of paper says, or the religion says, or what society says,
every day should be a voluntary re-evaluation of "Do I still want to be with this person or not?" so that people are still CHOOSING to be with one another, and from that flows a continued state of kindness and appreciation.
Is being realistic about ending a marriage on the same lines of thinking as wanting a pre-nup? I think so, but most women seem to be dead set against them. At the same time, most women seem to be the biggest proponents of quitting a marriage if you are unhappy. I know it's a bit off-topic but it's a confusion I'm trying to work out
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighlandsGal
'Til death do you part.
Otherwise, just live together.
Amen! That is exactly how I feel
IF I ever remarry, I'm going to have to be convinced that my partner understands exactly what marriage means, and that we are on the same page. If I don't find that woman, that's fine, because I'm only getting married one more time
Quote:
Originally Posted by ptsum
Till death do you part; I did on the first marriage, but we were both too young at the time and it only lasted seven years, we grew in separate directions. The second marriage, I still believe in it, we have been married for 31 years now, we've had our ups and downs and trials and tribulations but through it all we still love each other and have grown together. I love my wife now just as much as I did when I first saw her and this one is until death do us part.
Marriage: It's Only Going to Get Worse - Yahoo! News (broken link)
In the past, marriage til death made more sense. If you or your partner only lived til your mid/late 30's or so, it probably wasnt as hard to stay together.
These days, where you may be married for 50+ years, it seems much harder to stay with the same person.
Do you think marriage until death should still be the goal, or just marriage til the love fades?
That is the whole point... you don't let the love fade - stop just letting things happen with other people. Marriage is just as much work as any relationship. Until death till you part isn't the goal. The goal is to commit yourself to the one you love and fight like heck to keep that love alive. When you are old you are going to want that person who knows your ins and outs to be with you. Being married for 50+ could be a goal but I don't think that you should even worry about that part. I'm sure that in a lot of marriages the the fire goes down just a bit.
But if your not working it at it then you will fall out of love with that person. There isn't anyway around it. Plus people like the fall more than they actually loving one person.
That is the whole point... you don't let the love fade - stop just letting things happen with other people. Marriage is just as much work as any relationship. Until death till you part isn't the goal. The goal is to commit yourself to the one you love and fight like heck to keep that love alive. When you are old you are going to want that person who knows your ins and outs to be with you. Being married for 50+ could be a goal but I don't think that you should even worry about that part. I'm sure that in a lot of marriages the the fire goes down just a bit.
But if your not working it at it then you will fall out of love with that person. There isn't anyway around it. Plus people like the fall more than they actually loving one person.
Marriage is a CASH and ASSET business in which one party ( guess who ) most of the time gets a good chunk of it. So it's more "death" to one party than it's another.
If you find yourself being the spouse of a mate who becomes incapacitated or in a coma or experiences some other sort of major debilitating health problem, then the whole "till death us do part" vow takes on a new meaning. Do you forsee yourself becoming a full-time caregiver to your spouse, with no relief or breaks in sight? Are you willing to foresake your career, your home, your health, your family, your other relationships, for your spouse? How many years are you willing to go on without someone to talk to, without intimacy and sex, without anyone else around to help YOU when you need help?
If you find yourself being the spouse of a mate who becomes incapacitated or in a coma or experiences some other sort of major debilitating health problem, then the whole "till death us do part" vow takes on a new meaning. Do you forsee yourself becoming a full-time caregiver to your spouse, with no relief or breaks in sight? Are you willing to foresake your career, your home, your health, your family, your other relationships, for your spouse? How many years are you willing to go on without someone to talk to, without intimacy and sex, without anyone else around to help YOU when you need help?
When you find true love, you want to be there for your spouse. My parents have been married 62 years. Mom now suffers from alzheimers and is in a nursing home. Dad faithfully goes to see her everyday and still calls her the love of his life. Is he willing to forsake everything for her? You bet!
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