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Old 01-08-2016, 12:43 PM
 
Location: So Cal
19,423 posts, read 15,236,300 times
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Haha, jinx, Tabula.
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Old 01-08-2016, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,742 posts, read 34,376,832 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Not in Western culture, which I'm making the assumption applies to this post, because if the OP were of a culture where arranged marriage without attraction being a given were the norm, they'd likely not have posted with the query in the first place.
And I think in these situations of marriage without sexual attraction, it's happening in cultures or time periods where mutual sexual satisfaction isn't a priority. "Wifely duties" and such.
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Old 01-08-2016, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,163,225 times
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I would NEVER marry someone that wasn't attracted to me. I wouldn't even want to date someone that wasn't attracted to me.
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Old 01-08-2016, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,337,436 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Not in Western culture, which I'm making the assumption applies to this post, because if the OP were of a culture where arranged marriage without attraction being a given were the norm, they'd likely not have posted with the query in the first place.
e.g young pretty woman marrying an unattractive rich man (both born and raised in America).

Do you think her first impression is to jump his bone because she found him physically attractive?

Again, it happens more often than not.
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Old 01-08-2016, 12:53 PM
 
Location: Woodinville
3,184 posts, read 4,846,187 times
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Hugh Hefner.


Seriously though, I think this is a very common scenario AFTER getting married. A few years in, one or both parties sometimes drop the ball and gain a whole lot of weight. The attraction, which certainly ebbs a bit naturally, all but disappears in such a scenario. It's sad because one of the most effective ways to show love for someone else is to make an effort to remain desirable to them. When one or both parties fail to grasp this, it turns what could be a beautiful marriage into a miserable one.
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Old 01-08-2016, 12:54 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,661,952 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeaOfGrass View Post
Just to clarify, the OP is asking if you would marry someone who wasn't "physically interested" in you, not the other way around.
Oh, ok! Not physically interested. That's a different story.

Yes, I most certainly would have a problem with that.
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Old 01-08-2016, 12:54 PM
 
6,304 posts, read 9,011,042 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
e.g young pretty woman marrying an unattractive rich man (both born and raised in America).

Do you think her first impression is to jump his bone because she found him physically attractive?

Again, it happens more often than not.
While I'm sure this does happen, I'd stop FAR short of saying "more often than not".
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Old 01-08-2016, 12:56 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,378 posts, read 14,651,390 times
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Personally I'd be very wary of marrying anyone...at all. Especially if I had doubts of any sort. It is NOT a decision to be made lightly. And I most def would not do it just BECAUSE both people are hot and sexy and find one another hot and sexy.

That said I'll just speak to the viability of the relationship as such and not talk about marriage in particular. First of all it would depend on which partner found the other one attractive. If the man did not find the woman attractive, I would expect (for most people I've known) that it would be the bigger issue. If the woman did not find the man to be a showstopper to look at, but loved him on many other levels for other reasons, then hey...it might just work out. Does she want to have sex with him? They do have to be willing and interested in sex with each other, in most cases. No sexual compatibility is almost always going to be a problem, unless two people are just looking for a companion to grow old and die with or something. Define your parameters, think it all through.

Next question: What makes OP think that this person does not find this other person attractive? Example: OP has low opinion of their own looks, and matches up with a pretty person, assumes that the other partner could not possibly find them attractive, because they think they aren't.

Attraction is highly subjective. I find many people very, VERY attractive who are not the magazine cover version of what attractive is "supposed" to look like. I'd date a 48 year old chubby short guy, over a 27 year old ripped athletic tall guy. I know plenty of women who would think I'm crazy. I don't really care what they think, I like what I like. I can recognize that some of the men I've been head over heels for aren't what society would dictate I'm supposed to find attractive, but so what? And when I'm in love with a person's mind, in my eyes they can be very beautiful, even if their looks all by themselves are merely average. I know plenty of men who consider beauty at its finest to be a "thick" woman, and those who insist that the same woman is fat and therefore ugly. It's all in the eyes and tastes of the beholder.

That said, I would not want to be in a serious romantic relationship with someone who actually thought that I was ugly. If I really had reason to believe they felt that they could do better, or if they ever put me down about my looks (or anything really) I'd be outta there.
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Old 01-08-2016, 01:00 PM
 
Location: So Cal
19,423 posts, read 15,236,300 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
Oh, ok! Not physically interested. That's a different story.

Yes, I most certainly would have a problem with that.
lol. I just think there has been some confusion as to what the original post asked.
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Old 01-08-2016, 01:01 PM
 
1,341 posts, read 1,627,647 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
In the U.S.? You think?
I wonder if you think that people in the USA actually "marry at all" (since the numbers of people living unmarried or outright never marrying are in constant increase, especially among those without conservative immigrant roots or being conservative immigrants themselves!) OR you are at a disbelief that ugly, short, overweight, aging people are seen as one of the most attractive people (either men or women)?


With that being said... I'd really like to hear it from those who claim that physical attraction is the top (or among top three) reason(s) for "marriage"... whether it's about "the most attainable" person for them on a "physical attraction scale" or something else... I could argue, though, that physical looks definitely score higher than love when it comes to relevance for Americans (despite what it regularly spewed in the media) and it is definitely evident to anyone who spent time growing up outside of America that marriage in America is generally LESS about love than it in most other places that I've seen. I can definitely compare it with Bosnia and can definitely vouch for it.
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