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Let me say upfront that my husband is gorgeous and I'm pretty sure he likes looking at me too. That said, attraction is mostly mental and emotional for me. So being physically beautiful is something I feel that I can easily look past, frankly. We are getting older, and not as good looking as we were ten years ago. I'm sure that even if he lost his hair and grew a gut, I would still not be able to resist his kisses. Just seeing him smile, or feeling the touch of his hand on the small of my back can make me swoon. If he got into an accident and was badly wounded, broken, and scarred, it would not phase me or my desire for him.
So my answer to the question is yes, I can see beyond the visual to feel sexual attraction.
Physical attraction is portrayed in our culture as an immediate, visual absolute in many respects. Everywhere we turn marketers are throwing the epitome of visual beauty at us to sell us things, attract our attention, etc, through exciting our desires.
However, that kind of attraction should not be assumed as the only way to be deeply attracted to, or desire someone either.
You can be attracted to someone and desire someone based on the complete package, and not just based on absolute physical traits. This kind of attraction can also develop and deepen more over time, as the qualities in a person that can foster such attraction must be learned about someone over as you get to know them. Finding non physical traits attractive can and does (for many people) enhance physical attraction as well.
Let me say upfront that my husband is gorgeous and I'm pretty sure he likes looking at me too. That said, attraction is mostly mental and emotional for me. So being physically beautiful is something I feel that I can easily look past, frankly. We are getting older, and not as good looking as we were ten years ago. I'm sure that even if he lost his hair and grew a gut, I would still not be able to resist his kisses. Just seeing him smile, or feeling the touch of his hand on the small of my back can make me swoon. If he got into an accident and was badly wounded, broken, and scarred, it would not phase me or my desire for him.
So my answer to the question is yes, I can see beyond the visual to feel sexual attraction.
That wasn't the question, though. The question was whether you could get past knowing your husband was not attracted to you.
Physical attraction is portrayed in our culture as an immediate, visual absolute in many respects. Everywhere we turn marketers are throwing the epitome of visual beauty at us to sell us things, attract our attention, etc, through exciting our desires.
However, that kind of attraction should not be assumed as the only way to be deeply attracted to, or desire someone either.
You can be attracted to someone and desire someone based on the complete package, and not just based on absolute physical traits. This kind of attraction can also develop and deepen more over time, as the qualities in a person that can foster such attraction must be learned about someone over as you get to know them. Finding non physical traits attractive can and does (for many people) enhance physical attraction as well.
This is pretty much what I was going to write. Most women don't look like Hollywood stars. Most men have no shot at making the cover of GQ. American culture markets the illusion that this is what's important. It's incredibly superficial. What really matters is basic compatibility and the sexual bit is only a very small part of it. The lust part of a relationship wears off in time. All the rest of it needs to be solid or the relationship is doomed.
You are talking about a loveless marriage, an arrangement. Those are very dangerous...... relationships take work, and love is the payoff for that work. Without getting payed, a person would eventually want to quit their job....... in marriage, that spells divorce.
Physical attraction is portrayed in our culture as an immediate, visual absolute in many respects. Everywhere we turn marketers are throwing the epitome of visual beauty at us to sell us things, attract our attention, etc, through exciting our desires.
However, that kind of attraction should not be assumed as the only way to be deeply attracted to, or desire someone either.
You can be attracted to someone and desire someone based on the complete package, and not just based on absolute physical traits. This kind of attraction can also develop and deepen more over time, as the qualities in a person that can foster such attraction must be learned about someone over as you get to know them. Finding non physical traits attractive can and does (for many people) enhance physical attraction as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD
This is pretty much what I was going to write. Most women don't look like Hollywood stars. Most men have no shot at making the cover of GQ. American culture markets the illusion that this is what's important. It's incredibly superficial. What really matters is basic compatibility and the sexual bit is only a very small part of it. The lust part of a relationship wears off in time. All the rest of it needs to be solid or the relationship is doomed.
I don't think that you two are saying the same thing at all.
OP - I don't know the fine details of your relationship...but I'd be very hesistant. I was in a relationship like this, on the side of the less attracted person. I met the guy online, and we got to know each other that way. I felt close to him. I saw some pictures - not very good quality ones though. When I met him in person, my first instinct was that was I not attracted to him. I mean, he wasn't horrible-looking; he just wasn't someone I'd see at random and think "Oh, I'd like to get to know HIM...". I was instantly conflicted, because I really DID want to get to know him more, based on what I'd already experienced. So I put that initial distaste (? - sounds strong, maybe) aside and kept with it. It was alright, but it didn't last (about 5-6 years). This wasn't by any means the only problem with the relationship. But I was able to overlook some of the problems due to the whole 'early relationship rush', and once that was past, my interest waned. Relationships can be hard anyway; having sexual attraction be lacking is not a good way to start, IMO.
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