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Well...I knew at least two women I enjoyed spending time with, just talking with one and playing Wii games with the other, and they seemed to develop crushes on me so I stopped spending time with them. I found that quite irritating.
I tend to have difficulty guessing when someone is likely to get jealous of a guy talking to their girlfriend.
I was at a frat party, and slightly drunk, and one of the guy's girlfriends was dancing on a bed (it was in a dorm room) and everybody left the room but me, and it never occurred to me that might irritate the guy, partly because I was drunk, but also because I don't really understand the emotions that result in intense jealousy. I understand jealousy...just not massive, fiery irritation due to it.
At times I've avoided people I would've enjoyed talking because I didn't know how to talk to them without giving them the impression I was interested in dating them. I like talking to strangers, pretty much 100% of the time, just because I like talking to strangers. I know of course that say at a bonfire if we happen to be sitting near each other it could be weird not to talk to each other...but if I actually walk over to a woman I don't know and begin a conversation with her, she may not understand what I want from that (which is just to talk for amusement). She may think I think she's cute and want to date her, and what dating seems to mean by default is spending regular time with the person and getting emotionally committed to be person and basically a lot of stuff I'll probably have no interest in doing.
I think the best solution is to just say "I'm aromantic," then explain what that means...but what I'd like the most is to just find the most efficient way to get random women to think I'm not hitting on them when I talk to them at social gatherings (without lying about being gay or something). I'm not sure there is an efficient way to do that. I've pretty much decided the longer explanation is the best one. I was just wondering if anyone had any better ideas.
Do you have aspergers or something similar? I'm truly not trying to be offensive - you just seem to have some sort of disconnect from emotions and inability to read people and was wondering if there was a reason for it.
You should simply stop talking to people if you are going to overanalyze them and try to read their minds and anticipate their feelings.
I see no reason why.
Quote:
How do you think other people cope with casual social interactions? Do you believe they spend this much time worrying about what others are thinking?
Yes, if not more so. Why would they not?
Also, I know you think I'm not a very wise person, and that's fine, but you're not a very reliable source of advice. You're routinely ridiculously wrong, and you seem to have great confidence in your outrageously wrong opinions. I don't dislike you or anything. I just think you are one of the most routinely wrong people on Citi-Data while being the most confident, who isn't wrong for religious or political reasons...so there's pretty much no way in heck I'm going to trust your advice unless many, many other people agree with it
Use the ords you jut wrote, straight forward, to the point, no stupid games.
That should be *words*, dang left hand still does not work properly all the time and I missed this mistake when I had the ability to edit my post.
Edited to add: Find a married woman who does not have a jealous husband, they are out there but tough to find at times. If you and I were friends in real life,
Mr. CSD would have no issue with our friendship.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,805,613 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clintone
I see no reason why.
Yes, if not more so. Why would they not?
Why would they not? For one very very very good bit of sage advice, that is the basis for things like the serenity prayer. It makes zero sense to put any energy into anything you cannot control. It is not logical or wise. Since I can't control what other people think, or what they do, it makes no sense putting any energy into what they think. It's wasted energy and wasted time.
I, like most everyone, makes plenty of illogical choices and do things that are unhealthy for me like worrying about what other's think from time to time, but there isn't good reason to do so and tons of good reason to not to.
I can assure you they do. Evidence is my post-to-rep ratio.
I was talking about me, not necessarily most people. Personally I've seen your posts as frequently wrong, and therefore have no reason to take them seriously. I probably would if you'd explain yourself in greater detail. I have no idea what you were talking about when you essentially told me not to worry so much about others opinions in post #21. I'm not worried. I don't know why you'd think I'm worried about what others think. I see myself as simply trying to plan things more effectively to result in less confusion and a better environment for me and others.
I'm glad for your post because it made me think of something. Do you ever dress differently depending on the type of gathering you're going to? Presumably, if you don't want to get hit on, you'd be less likely to wear a very short skirt and a top with a low neck line than if you would. You'd be trying to anticipate other's reactions and plan accordingly. I don't really see any difference between that and what I'm doing on this thread. Trying to anticipate others' emotions, so long as we're not doing so to the extent that it will likely hurt anybody, is fine. It's just what humans do.
Why would they not? For one very very very good bit of sage advice, that is the basis for things like the serenity prayer. It makes zero sense to put any energy into anything you cannot control. It is not logical or wise. Since I can't control what other people think, or what they do, it makes no sense putting any energy into what they think. It's wasted energy and wasted time.
I, like most everyone, makes plenty of illogical choices and do things that are unhealthy for me like worrying about what other's think from time to time, but there isn't good reason to do so and tons of good reason to not to.
You can't control it, but you can plan for it and if you know what their thoughts are likely to be you can modify your behavior to get the best result. I'm not so much worried about what others are likely to think. I'm planning for what they are likely to think and figuring out how to best modify my behavior. I don't care much what others think unless it affects how they behave towards me in some way, or it harms them on an emotional level or something.
Do you have aspergers or something similar? I'm truly not trying to be offensive - you just seem to have some sort of disconnect from emotions and inability to read people and was wondering if there was a reason for it.
I'm actually pretty good at reading people in many ways. I used to work as a cashier and I could predict by people's facial expressions whether or not I could tell them potentially offensive religious jokes while checking out their groceries. On top of that...I have a hobby of typing and doing critiques of fiction. I have no problem whatsoever understanding sarcasm and subtlety and metaphors and poetry and am actually quite fond of those types of writing. My stories are generally filled with metaphors. That's why I think I'm aromantic, rather than autistic. My inability to read people is pretty much limited to romantic/dating type stuff, and that may be just because of a lack of experience.
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