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For those who have used or are currently using online dating sites, if someone sends you a message and you have no interest in them, based on the information you see, things of that nature, do you still fake it and respond or you don't? For those who don't respond, have you ever got a follow up message "You're stuck up aren't you"? If so, how did you deal with that? Is not responding to a message to someone you obviously have no interest being stuck up? If it is, how come?
Yes, a person is stuck up for not responding. Hey, I am just as guilty at times but I try my hardest to respond just as I respond to my every youtube comments and other social media platforms- hate or praise.
The reality is that everyone wants everyone else to learn "new rules" when it comes to online dating. If you were in person or on another social media site and someone said hello, if you walked passed them and didn't say a word, you should likewise be told a thing or two. It's common courtesy. We spend most of our time online now so we might as well give a little more.
It's downright ridiculous- we put all this information online, all of your pictures, our kids, our dogs, our adventures. We have lists of what we want down to someone's finger nail length. But we can't even reply with a simple, sorry, i am not interested or thanks but no thanks?
Think about it! The reason why someone is calling you stuck up is because this person has values and understands the basic foundation of communication. If I never responded to anyone on my youtube channel, people would call me out as well.
We want to use technology but don't want to play the game.
Right. Well I said hi to him a couple of weeks ago in response to his message, but that was all I was interested in saying. He kept sending messages, but I didn't respond, and then tonight he insinuated that I was stuck up. There are plenty of women on there he could talk to. If anyone needs thick skin, it's him. Not everyone will find him interesting. It's just the way of life.
You asked for it. You didn't claim your spot and weren't decisive. You have to make things CLEAR right there and then. You failed to close the session by leaving an open ended "hi". Yes, you deserve what you got and that goes for any HUMAN BEING.
Close the session and if you get a follow up, you can be good knowing that you closed the deal- it's on them now.
It means you dodged a bullet. The guy who sent you that message is one of the guys who yells at women and gets hostile when they approach women IRL to ask for their number, and women turn them down. You're supposed to ignore messages like that. The guy was hoping to hook you into the drama of it, and affect your self-esteem, and it sounds like it worked.
You need to stop with your nonsense right now. This is such an inflammatory statement and way over board. THIS is the problem. We don't communicate any more. We say hi but then wonder why people respond- but then tell them to ignore these people.
The idea of communication is to communicate. You do your part then leave it to them. OP FAILED to close the session so there it is natural that people would respond as such.
She is worried about others' responses but yet she isn't doing what she needs to do to prevent or at least sit well with our own conscious decisions.
Not responding is bad manners in general- especially if you left the session open with a HI but then feel that you don't need to respond any more. If they follow up after you have closed the deal, they become the rude ones. But until then, it is out of pure decency to respond.
It's simple- understand the relationship between cause and effect. You leave open, it's on you. You close the session, it's on them.
This is online dating- if you have more DIRECT access to people, you SHOULD expect more direct contact and act appropriately.
My self esteem isn't affected. I just heard it so many times, that I finally decided to ask if it's really being stuck up. That was all. I remember when I have told someone I was not interested in them, I was called all sorts of names for it, but even when I don't respond, which is a nonverbal way of saying I'm not interested, I still am told I am wrong or doing something wrong (i.e. being stuck up).
Now watch how I work my magic OP. I read this post before I posted my others just so that I could turn around and post this as a follow up. Yes, I am that good.
This post of yours should have been the VERY FIRST POST. In your first post, you left yourself open by saying you said "hi" but left it at that and wondering why men would follow up. You left yourself open for criticism by men (different perspective than women). Now that you have posted this, you have closed the loop by stating that you exhausted all means but still getting the stuck-up messages. Had you posted this as your first, I would have offered more supporting statements rather than pointing at your failures.
Do you see how this works? Now I won't feel bad that I was a bit harsh on you on previous posts because I have closed the session now. I have a feeling that you are not closing the sessions as much as you "claim" because you did it here and online is online.... Yes, I just did that.
An obligation to respond, I didn't feel I had. Also as many times as someone as not responded to my messages, I have taken it has a hint of them not being interested and I simply moved on. I don't see where the wrong was.
And yet you felt the need to post an entire thread about it.
No, I haven't had that happen. But I have had this happen a few times:
Guy: "hi"
Guy (10 minutes later - and before I even saw the first message because I wasn't logged on and don't use the app): "hello????????"
Guy (10 minutes after that): "guess you aren't interested"
I also get this:
Guy: "hi how are you"
Guy (shortly after that): ?????????
Guy: helllloooooo?????????
And this is in the age range of 35 -48. Given that in the last 6 months, I've only gotten one message I would consider "real," (more than "hi how are you", he actually read my profile, etc), I deleted my profile over the weekend.
For those who have used or are currently using online dating sites, if someone sends you a message and you have no interest in them, based on the information you see, things of that nature, do you still fake it and respond or you don't? For those who don't respond, have you ever got a follow up message "You're stuck up aren't you"? If so, how did you deal with that? Is not responding to a message to someone you obviously have no interest being stuck up? If it is, how come?
Tried OLD and found nothing but kooks and serial daters. I never answered those who I was not interested in and ignored the snarky messages. OLD is the worst in my opinion. I don't think you are stuck-up because you don't answer. I think the people are just saying what they say out of frustration or just weird people.
Not losing sleep over it or letting it "get to me".
Yes, you are. MissClutterbuck details why below.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissClutterbuck
And yet you felt the need to post an entire thread about it.
You let strangers bother you far too much.
Ultimately, OP needs to determine for herself if OLD is worth it. Nobody is forced to do it. If the labels and messages bother her more than the benefits she gets from being solicited (and being able to solicit a dating partner) online, then she shouldn't do it.
Ultimately, OP needs to determine for herself if OLD is worth it. Nobody is forced to do it. If the labels and messages bother her more than the benefits she gets from being solicited (and being able to solicit a dating partner) online, then she shouldn't do it.
You are telling me how I feel when it is incorrect. I actually find it weird and funny. I am not bothered that he said I was stuck up. I have just heard it so many times that I just finally decided to ask how others deal with answering or not answering someone's messages. I have known others who have said they were called stuck up, so I have deiced to take it upon myself to just put the question out there. The last time I checked, I don't see the harm in asking such question, and I don't see why such scrutiny for it, but hey, it is what it is. I just wanted to hear others' experiences to see what similarities and/or differences there are.
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