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I think they're just trying to tell you that they are able to support themselves financially and emotionally.
So many men complain about gold-diggers; I think they are trying to distinguish themselves from those.
It may mean she took some man through the "cleaners", earlier, made off like a bandit financially, and is now strong and independent? For sure, it smacks of egotism!
As for the independent part, I've never met anyone yet that I consider to be independent!
You nailed it with this statement and it's awesome, because you nailed the thoughts men think when a woman says this. The bold is so spot on of what I always thought. If you're so BA, why are you on an online dating site? Funny how a dating site can be unbelievably humbling to some people and another format to look down their nose at people.
I know I did online dating just because I didn't have the time to be out in public at all hours of the night. I was also interested in women closer to my age, who generally had careers and responsibilities, so they weren't out during the week during happy hours much at all. I can drink a cheaper beer or mixed drink at my apartment, so there was no point for me to keep going to happy hours week after week.
While online dating is a good way to see who's out there. Remember people on their for the most part have unrealistic expectations. Find the next best thing. Hot, good career, money, fairy tale.
Personality comes second to most people doing online dating. If someone doesn't like the picture they see, it doesn't matter if you're the nicest person in the world.
Most people on dating sites are looking to see what they can catch. Most play catch and release. Dating online now has become more of a catch and release game. Catch as in let me look at the picture first, description = irrelevant.
As much as online dating has helped many people, it's premise is sometimes wrongly utilized.
Meh, people use online dating in whatever manner that they do. No one of us can speak for everyone. Some people just look at the pictures. Some people (ME) click to the profile right away and look for some good written content.
My point was really that the whole "I'm a strong, independent woman who don't need no man!" attitude (whether online or in person) comes off as a red flag to a lot of people. You can BE strong, and/or independent, and it's better to simply explain what that means to you personally....and that is the case with lots of personal traits.
Is it better for a woman to say, "I'm super hot and sexy!" or to upload a photo of herself so that the viewer can decide his opinion of her looks? Is it better for a man to say "I'm a highly successful professional" or to say, "I have a stable career in accounting and own my home and car." Is it better for someone to say, "I love to do fun things!" or "I enjoy concerts, travel, painting, and hiking in the mountains."...? Vague statements will mean different things to different people.
Thing is, I know well how I probably come off here in this venue, but despite my occasional expressions of appreciation for a few posters, I am certainly NOT trying to find dates on City Data. I come here because I feel more comfortable sharing the dramas that I am unfortunately trying to deal with. I'm sure it makes me sound like my life is a nonstop drama fest of awful epic proportions. In person though, I come off as calm, sane, rational, caring, optimistic, and fun. I'm liked, I'm loved, and I'm happy, despite anything and everything life throws at me. But I wouldn't expect anyone here to get or believe that just from my words, you'd have to know me face to face to see it, really. I understand that. And I don't blame anyone here for having an opinion of me that might not jive with the real me. Much in the same vein, if I went around declaring what a strong, independent woman I am, I wouldn't expect someone to see me the same as if they'd simply witnessed my strong, independent behavior.
As for being pregnant...man, Urban Sasquatch, you sure are a keeper. My guy was completely wrapped up in his own problems and how hard he was working, how stressed he was, etc when I was making babies. He did not really participate in the process, except to keep me so focused on caring for him that I didn't have time to worry about myself, I guess. The first time, my Mom wanted to be there, and he hated her, and as I was IN LABOR, made me choose and send my mother packing, or else he was going to leave. I was crying and begging my Mom to understand and not be mad at me, because it was after all his baby. Then he curled up in a chair and slept through the entire process, because he'd had a hard day at work. The second time, he had health problems that were far more drastic and important than mere childbirth, as he'd had surgery not long before. He had no interest in caring for me in any way before, during, or after, either one.
To my way of thinking, a person who is strong and independent has core values of responsibility, and self worth. They can take care of themselves, pay their own bills, even if it means working a job they dont like. They find a way to get it done, with no sense of entitlement.
They value their relationships, and would like a good romantic relationship, but they can live without it until the right one comes along. They arent needy and co dependent. They are looking for someone to complement them, a life partner. If they dont have one, its perfectly okay; they are happy within their own self.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
I would never use those terms, but in my case it means
Strong = resilient, able to handle the tough things life throws at you without collapsing.
Independent = financially self supporting; not dependent
I think those two responses are pretty accurate for how I would describe it for me too.
I have had women tell me I intimidate them but no man ever has. And the reason why I intimidate them, apparently - it always surprises me when I hear this - is because I am self-sufficient and don't take crap from anyone. If something happens, I just deal with it.
What they don't realize is my life, like many others, has not been easy and most of it I've had to deal with/get through on my own. I did not have a strong family structure growing up and I've only had one LTR in my life so I've been alone most of my life. I've had to learn to take care of and rely on myself as life has shown me that the only person I truly can rely on IS myself. I've had to be strong to survive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30
It's not a term we use here but I've always thought an independent woman doesn't want to rely on a man basically is that right?
It's not that I don't want to rely on a man, for me personally. It's that I don't have to.
This comes up with my best friend every now and then. He loves to do little repairs and maintenance and take care of things for me. But he does on occasion tell me he wishes I didn't rely on him to do all these things and would take care of some of them myself, at which point I tell him "I told you I was going to do this and you told me you wanted do it for me. So I let you."
And I do lean on him a lot in general - and I've told him I lean on him because he lets me and I appreciate the break from having to be so damn strong (emotionally, mentally) and independent (capable) ALL the time. It's exhausting to feel you are always fighting for every little thing in your life.
I think those two responses are pretty accurate for how I would describe it for me too.
I have had women tell me I intimidate them but no man ever has. And the reason why I intimidate them, apparently - it always surprises me when I hear this - is because I am self-sufficient and don't take crap from anyone. If something happens, I just deal with it.
What they don't realize is my life, like many others, has not been easy and most of it I've had to deal with/get through on my own. I did not have a strong family structure growing up and I've only had one LTR in my life so I've been alone most of my life. I've had to learn to take care of and rely on myself as life has shown me that the only person I truly can rely on IS myself. I've had to be strong to survive.
It's not that I don't want to rely on a man, for me personally. It's that I don't have to.
This comes up with my best friend every now and then. He loves to do little repairs and maintenance and take care of things for me. But he does on occasion tell me he wishes I didn't rely on him to do all these things and would take care of some of them myself, at which point I tell him "I told you I was going to do this and you told me you wanted do it for me. So I let you."
And I do lean on him a lot in general - and I've told him I lean on him because he lets me and I appreciate the break from having to be so damn strong (emotionally, mentally) and independent (capable) ALL the time. It's exhausting to feel you are always fighting for every little thing in your life.
You aren't lying at all on this one. It's a prime reason why I have clean laundry on one side of my bed and I sleep on the other. It's why my dishwasher is full of clean dishes, while one side of my sink is full of rinsed out, but dirty dishes. It's why my dining room table has mail and Tupperware on it, instead of being a clean space for me to eat. Being a responsible adult in my career and my bill paying, takes away my energy to keeping my apartment super tidy. With exercise included, many days I get home and just want to stretch out on the couch a few hours before it's bed time. Just life keeping you busy by yourself is time consuming. When you don't have an extra set of hands in your house daily, it puts everything on you.
Had this discussion with my girlfriend over the weekend. We had our first big argument and we were able to work through a lot of things. I was a little frustrated with paying for every date and also cooking for us all the time as well. What I found out is that she didn't make the best decision in college regarding student loan debt, and a lot of her paycheck is put to reducing her student loans. We agreed that we'll scale back on eating out, and since I have to eat anyways, I can provide the food for us to cook. She does most of the food prep and puts the meals together, while I just pay for the groceries. She also gets meals provided by the university she works for, so we'll mix in the dining hall food as well. It's not all that great, but it gets us both out of the kitchen and it's included in her contract.
Being strong and independent is not what I thought it was when I was 18. Many times I just want to veg out on my couch with a ps4 controller in my hand and my cellphone off. Too bad I can't, because I asked for adult responsibilities and I got them. They're just not always that fun to do.
Meh, people use online dating in whatever manner that they do. No one of us can speak for everyone. Some people just look at the pictures. Some people (ME) click to the profile right away and look for some good written content.
My point was really that the whole "I'm a strong, independent woman who don't need no man!" attitude (whether online or in person) comes off as a red flag to a lot of people. You can BE strong, and/or independent, and it's better to simply explain what that means to you personally....and that is the case with lots of personal traits.
Is it better for a woman to say, "I'm super hot and sexy!" or to upload a photo of herself so that the viewer can decide his opinion of her looks? Is it better for a man to say "I'm a highly successful professional" or to say, "I have a stable career in accounting and own my home and car." Is it better for someone to say, "I love to do fun things!" or "I enjoy concerts, travel, painting, and hiking in the mountains."...? Vague statements will mean different things to different people.
Well said Sonic.
Strong and Independent I an attitude, one can say it but the interpretation of what it is, is subjective. I have met many women who say it as if they were trying to prove something. I was like no dummy, your behavior and attitude will show people, you do not need to proclaim it loud everytime.
Some women say that this scare off men. Then again it could (doesn't always make the men insecure or not want to deal with a woman like that) but it makes you appear like you want to wear the pants all the time and do whatever you want irrespective.
Who said dating was easy? But in the good ol US of A it is more of a game than an actual 'I want to find a nice and compatible partner who has a good personality and has his/her act together'
We all have baggages in a way or another. Some more than others. Some can put their baggage aside and learn from them, so are stuck in their drama.
Like I said I have met many who claimed 'Strong and Independent' but push come to shove, they couldn't back it up.
Some women say that this scare off men. Then again it could (doesn't always make the men insecure or not want to deal with a woman like that) but it makes you appear like you want to wear the pants all the time and do whatever you want irrespective.
And this is precisely why I lean on my friend. It's nice to have someone around who is willing to wear the pants for me so I can take a break from doing it.
At the same time, when you've been doing it most of your life, it's a really hard habit to break and I do have to be careful not to just automatically take charge.
That "strong and independent" bit by some women would get old quickly in my world. If they say it in passing once or twice is fine, but at some point you start to sound like the female version of some meathead jock pounding his chest, either one of those types is a turn off to me.
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For sure, it smacks of egotism!
